JazzyRee Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I met my s/o on a dating website. We've been together for 7 months. We have never met, although plans were made on his part they never fell through to due his job. He won't even Skype me. He barely sends pictures. And he is not sure when he is coming, which he plans to. I was supposed to move with him on faith in January. He changed his mind and said wait, go to school and when I finish I can come. In the mean time we can date and see where it goes. We even stopped talking as much because he is stressed and needs time. We are Christians and we didn't want to shack up. He didn't even agree to going to a courthouse. How long should I wait even though were in love? I feel like I don't ask for much. Just a conversation everyday no matter how short. A picture every now and again. and to at least write back when I send a letter. Not sure what to do Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Move with him? But you've not met him, I don't understand You're not in love with someone you've not met. He sounds disinterested, it won't go anywhere with his attitude. What are you actually getting from this? I would walk away now. I met my s/o on a dating website. We've been together for 7 months. We have never met, although plans were made on his part they never fell through to due his job. He won't even Skype me. He barely sends pictures. And he is not sure when he is coming, which he plans to. I was supposed to move with him on faith in January. He changed his mind and said wait, go to school and when I finish I can come. In the mean time we can date and see where it goes. We even stopped talking as much because he is stressed and needs time. We are Christians and we didn't want to shack up. He didn't even agree to going to a courthouse. How long should I wait even though were in love? I feel like I don't ask for much. Just a conversation everyday no matter how short. A picture every now and again. and to at least write back when I send a letter. Not sure what to do 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 He won't even Skype with you? You've only gotten a few pics? You've never met but are in love and planning to move in together?? Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is real until you've met and spent time together in person. This could very well be a Catfish situation. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JazzyRee Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 I just wanted to try something different with dating. We fell in love spiritually. Physically is the next step. We have a lot in common. It's a unique situation. I have pictures of him but not any from this year. I agree his attitude is becoming a problem especially about small things like Skype. Maybe walking away is a good choice...just trying to hold out until we meet just in case it's real. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 I just wanted to try something different with dating. We fell in love spiritually. Physically is the next step. We have a lot in common. It's a unique situation. I have pictures of him but not any from this year. I agree his attitude is becoming a problem especially about small things like Skype. Maybe walking away is a good choice...just trying to hold out until we meet just in case it's real. Not a wise idea. You don't know if you will ever meet; from the sounds of it, that isn't likely. You say you're in love, but he's clearly not. In this context, Skype is not a "small thing"; without it, you can't really verify who you're communicating with. What is his reason for not going on Skype with you? Why can't he send any recent pictures? As for any pics he's already sent, he could find pictures anywhere and pass them off as himself. Beware OP, he's hiding something. I would put money on him not being who he says he is. What do you know about him? How old is he, where does he live, what's his job? You're in love with an idea of who he is, not the person. For heaven's sake, you've never even met him! Consider yourself very lucky for not having moved in with him! That would have been an incredibly foolish thing to do. This doesn't sound like a relationship at all, to be honest. You are holding out hope for someone who very likely is not the person he claims to be. How do you justify his sketchy behaviour? What do you tell yourself when he won't Skype or send you any type of recent picture? Don't you believe you deserve more? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JazzyRee Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 He claims he doesn't like to skype, he's never been into it. And he doesn't like to take a lot of pictures. I have his address, and I've mailed things to his job. I guess I am in love with the idea of who he is. He's sent money and paid my rent a few times. He's 31. I believe I deserve more. The only reason I kept t going is because my parents met the same way and they married. Just thought I might be lucky as well..guess not. I'm awake now Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 How far is he? Why couldn't he come visit you in 7 months? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Do you have his home address? I ask because you say you've mailed things to his job. Why not his house? Have you ever spoken on the phone? Visited social media site that he's part of? In any event, he's pulling a fast one on you. Skype isn't his thing? Yeah, right. Doesn't like taking pictures? Please. He doesn't want you to see who he really is. He's either vastly different from the picture he sent, a woman, married, a wanted criminal...something isn't right here. Consider this a blessing in disguise; your gut is telling you something is off. Listen to it and step back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 He claims he doesn't like to skype, he's never been into it. And he doesn't like to take a lot of pictures. I have his address, and I've mailed things to his job. I guess I am in love with the idea of who he is. He's sent money and paid my rent a few times. He's 31. I believe I deserve more. The only reason I kept t going is because my parents met the same way and they married. Just thought I might be lucky as well..guess not. I'm awake now From someone who could not be found in any pics and hated being video taped before I got involved in a LDR; I now take pics all the time, make videos and Viber (which is like Skype) daily. Could not do without seeing his smile, see how he is really doing etc. And I know he needs the same back! It's not natural to hide from the person you love. If he is real maybe he has gained a lot of weight or is with someone else and afraid to leave clues in the pics or vids ? Link to post Share on other sites
nomadic_butterfly Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 I just wanted to try something different with dating. We fell in love spiritually. Physically is the next step. We have a lot in common. It's a unique situation. I have pictures of him but not any from this year. I agree his attitude is becoming a problem especially about small things like Skype. Maybe walking away is a good choice...just trying to hold out until we meet just in case it's real. I am Christian too but don't expect "God" to do what you can do yourself; in this situation is to use reasoning. You need to meet in person to solidify anything. That's first of all. This is putting the cart before the horse; you cannot confirm, affirm, or verify A LOT until you meet in person. It is dangerous to put so much expectation on what is essentially a real-life stranger though virtual companion. What is preventing the two of you from meeting? 7 months and in the same country I presume? If so, unless one of you used up all vacation days or just started a job or something, no excuse not to have met by now unless you don't have the money, in which case a LDR is impractical anyway. If you met on a Christian site, all the more reason to be careful. A lot of men find that the "religious" folks can be very desperate (not saying this is your case though) and will take advantage of that. I've known men who personally told me they go to churches and Christian websites to find women to prey on. It's sickening but that's just the world we live it. It's good to have faith but equally good to have discernment, good judgment, and plain old fashioned common sense! Put your foot down and tell him that if it's going to work, it will take effort. He needs to show he is invested. If not, it's pointless and time to move on. No point in chasing the wind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Some people feel awkward/shy on skype, my partner does, but he'll go on if I ask him to. How much do you talk on the phone? >I guess I am in love with the idea of who he is.< That's how it is for any of us until we meet them, some will click when they meet and others won't. I think you should have a deadline for meeting and if he still makes excuses then stop contact. Or cut your losses and walk away now. Wishing you the best whatever happens He claims he doesn't like to skype, he's never been into it. And he doesn't like to take a lot of pictures. I have his address, and I've mailed things to his job. I guess I am in love with the idea of who he is. He's sent money and paid my rent a few times. He's 31. I believe I deserve more. The only reason I kept t going is because my parents met the same way and they married. Just thought I might be lucky as well..guess not. I'm awake now Link to post Share on other sites
Author JazzyRee Posted March 4, 2014 Author Share Posted March 4, 2014 I have his home address and he has mailed things to me from there. He is in nursing school plus working full time and didn't have the time to come during the holidays. WE talk on the phone everyday Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
nomadic_butterfly Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 I have his home address and he has mailed things to me from there. He is in nursing school plus working full time and didn't have the time to come during the holidays. WE talk on the phone everyday But you still haven't answered what is stopping/delaying you two from meeting up? Money? Different continents? Lack of effort? what? Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Use google maps to see his home address. It may be a mail drop. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Use google maps to see his home address. It may be a mail drop. Was just going to suggest the same thing. Why would he ask you to mail things to work, and not his home? Do a little digging, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 He is in nursing school plus working full time What does he do? Did you mail stuff to a company address? WE talk on the phone everyday Can you call him anytime? Or are there off-limit times? What if you call his mobile in the middle of the night? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JazzyRee Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 He lives in California I live in Georgia. He says its money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JazzyRee Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 I'm 26 and he is 31 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JazzyRee Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 I call throughout the day. Most of the time he is working so he texts or calls back.The 4 hour time difference is a factor also Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 You didn't answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JazzyRee Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 I call him all the time at anytime. Sometimes he doesn't answer because he was sleep or he is studying or his phone died...I bought him a portable charger for Christmas..smh Link to post Share on other sites
Author JazzyRee Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 I mail things to his home also...he is usually at work most of the time so he suggested mailing it there sometimes Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I mail things to his home also...he is usually at work most of the time so he suggested mailing it there sometimes Is it a company address, and did you verify it? I ask because it could be any old address (a friend's house, a drop-box) Normally I wouldn't be so suspicious but given all the other glaring red flags, I'd be trying to verify everything he says. How often does he answer his mobile at home? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JazzyRee Posted March 14, 2014 Author Share Posted March 14, 2014 It is a company address and its bee verified...he answers sometimes only because he may be sleep Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts