uku383 Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 I've been going to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous because of my extreme attachment to my wife, who left me in October. I also have depression and have been out of work since June. We have a 4 and a half year old son. I have a sponsor in SLAA, with whom I've shared everything. This means that I've spoken to him about all of my issues, including those outside of the program, because they seem intertwined to me. He's just told me that he's trying to decide whether to stop being my sponsor, because he feels that he's become a caretaker of me and because he's too emotionally invested in my personal life. That's fair enough, and I can see that it's most likely he'll ditch me. The thing is that now I just feel more alone, and scared. To be honest, I really hate myself right now. I want this nightmare to end. I want my wife to take me back. If she did then I wouldn't feel so bad if I had to get a job a long way from home, because even if the commute was long I'd be coming home to her any our son. My marriage is over. I keep fighting against it, but the marriage is gone. I'm angry at my wife about that, but there's nothing that I can really do. I've just had enough of this crap. So much crap. So much.
JDPT Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Hang strong friend, we are here for you keep posting. In moments of distress you need to proactively take charge of the moment and future and proactively contribute towards healing. Keep prowling forward. 2
Noproblem Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Remember, you are a strong person who has a son that needs him. So, whatever happens, don't stop fighting and you will win the fight. Being strong is not an option, it's a responsibility ...... If your sponsor left, you'll get another.... Don't worry We are here for you. 2
Author uku383 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Thanks for the support. Really, thanks. After some time thinking, I'm not worried about my sponsor leaving. That's his business. I can still do my work and find another sponsor when the time is right. My biggest sense of loss is still my marriage. I have to move on. Thankfully, I'm starting 6 weeks of work tomorrow, so that will help with my confidence. I need to start thinking seriously about other opportunities. If I get the work thing sorted then I've got a major piece of support in place to help me deal with the relationship. I must say though, I'm over this! 1
jphcbpa Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 SLAA is a great program. I suggest getting another sponsor. Do what is best for your recovery. Keep working the steps, going to meetings, talking with other men. Make the men in the program your "woman". They will help you greatly with this emptiness. You are on the right path. 1
Noproblem Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 (edited) Thanks for the support. Really, thanks. After some time thinking, I'm not worried about my sponsor leaving. That's his business. I can still do my work and find another sponsor when the time is right. My biggest sense of loss is still my marriage. I have to move on. Thankfully, I'm starting 6 weeks of work tomorrow, so that will help with my confidence. I need to start thinking seriously about other opportunities. If I get the work thing sorted then I've got a major piece of support in place to help me deal with the relationship. I must say though, I'm over this! Try joining a gym, that really helps your health and your overall situation, go everyday, that will make you stronger and help with your depressed emotions. Also, try to do volunteer work, helping others will First ease your pain, and second, will enhance someone else 'a life That could be an old lady or a desperate dog. Edited March 4, 2014 by Noproblem 2
JDPT Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I absolutely agree. When my ex broke up with me the first time, I found refuge in a no kill dog shelter. I used to volunteer everyday after work. I would come out of there filthy but so happy to know that I made a difference in a puppies life. Although my wasn't the greatest at least if was making another creature feel at home. Once I heal from my injury I will like to volunteer at homeless shelters and perhaps county jails. Sometimes we need to expose ourselves to other's realities to appreciate what we have. 1
Author uku383 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 Thanks again, folks. As an update, I've had an offer from someone to sponsor me and I've decided to approach being a sponsee differently. I had thought I had to forensically share all of my feelings and experiences, but now I feel that's too much to hang on one person every day. Instead, I'm going to focus as much as I can on the step work itself. Meetings will be a challenge over the next few weeks (very long days at work), but I'm going to listen to speakers on my ipod and get to what meetings I can. Exercise is an excellent tip, and something I've let slip. So I'm going to get on my bike trainer every evening when I get home. Volunteering is also a great idea, but I just don't have the time right now. So my focus will be my son. He is my first priority and I'm just going to surround him in love and care. 1
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