TCD23 Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Hey all, Looking for some advice regarding having to see ex go all the time. I'll try to keep this short but basically were both at the same university on the same course of thirteen which means I have to see her all the time even at parties. Now the thing is that it was a very bad relationship and looking back its obvious that she was emotionally abusive, degrading me and worse and I'm glad that I finally ended it (i think people thin she ended it but hey i know i ended it and so does she so who cares) I've lost weight and I feel free. The problem comes in seeing her all the time and truth is honestly i can't stand her. Sometimes I feel angry because she did abuse me and she just brings me down as she's right off the rails, smoking and that and as I know about her mental illnesses and stuff it just drags me down to see her around. I wouldn't mind if she didn't talk to me but she INSISTS on having to be friendly, which makes me look like a bad guy if I ignore her and as a man I can't come out with the abuse she caused me in front of people cause hey who would believe it. I'm looking for advice because honestly I just wish I would never have to see her again and she would leave but she won't. I'm happy to be out and over her but to see an abuser every day and have them insist on talking to you (even if you make it clear that you don't want to speak to them) is hard especially as I try to make hang out with mutual friends and that who have little idea of what went on behind close doors. Any advice from anybody?
mjkid31 Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 You shouldn't feel bad about not being friendly if she abused you and hurt you like that, you SHOULD be rude to her, she was terrible to you and Karma's a bitch. I know people might ask why you are ignoring her, but you should still tell them, and if they don't believe you, they can go **** themselves. But in the end soon enough you'll be out of college and this will all be over, and it won't matter. I really hope this helped.
zen2475 Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 You are not a bad guy for taking care of yourself and establishing your boundaries. She abused you, and there is absolutely no reason she needs to stay in your life. If anything, her insistence that she remains in your life shows a lack of respect for you and is just further abuse. Remember: you are allowed to terminate toxic relationships or any relationship that does not enrich your life. You are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you. You are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving. You owe no one an explanation for taking care of yourself (borrowed from a meme I have on my FB wall). You first obligation in life is to take care of you.
Poppyolive Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Good for you breaking free from a toxic unhealthy relationship. I feel by seeing her daily wilk set off some uncomfortable emotions, but I feel these are yours to work through. There's lots of write ups on letting go, forgiving yo free yourself etc....because technically shes not doing anything, and is very entilied to be at that uni. Its probably not something you can walk away from and find a new Uni...so you are left with riding right through the emotions and coming up stronger. It will just take time & deep breaths! You can tell her "ive got nothing to say to you and I dont want to pretend I'm friendly when I couldn't care less" no need yo go into you hurt ne. .etc...because I'm sure she'll just love that. Instead act cool and state you have nothing yi say to her. And that should Make ignoring her easier. .dont worry about the bad guy, you explained to her why, no need yo drag anyone else in and make a great big deal. Head up, focus, breath, heal, let go, forgive. Summer is coming and you should dance around in happiness!!! You are free, the more energy & anger you put into what shes done the more you feel like a victim, trapped in pain...break loose!!
Poppyolive Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Excuse the errors sending from my phone!!! Stay strong. This too shall pass
Author TCD23 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Thanks or your words. Truth be told i sent her an angry message th other night which I really regret saying how I felt and basically being mean to try And get m own back and today I decided was the time to block her on social media. I blocked her on twitter but I found that she already blocked me on Facebook and I actually feel relieved truth be told because this way there's defo no way of having to contact her if I feel pissed off. My only worry is that she might use m message against me to be spiteful. I really regret seeing it but it was the heat of the moment and I just wanted to hurt her to show that im not a slave no more. So that'll will worry me but hopefully that will be the end of it and hopefully she might stop chatting to me in public The oly problem with ignoring her is because she acts very sweet in life, when she's far from that in private so seriously nobody would believe me aside from my family but they're miles away. Telling people would look petty and I really need some practical advice. Should I just try to ignore her as much as possible and hope for the best or is there another method?
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