Chalkdust89 Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 I went on a great first date a couple days ago with a great guy who I know is very into me. We have plans for a second date later this week, which I'm really excited about! However, I feel as though I have so much going on in my life right now that I wouldn't realistically be able to commit to a boyfriend. If I am going to date someone, I want to keep it casual. My last relationship actually ended because we were both so busy with school/work/etc that we weren't giving each other the time necessary to make the relationship meaningful. Normally I wouldn't think about this kind of thing after just one night out, but even planning time for a second date was very difficult because my schedule is so hectic. It got me thinking about how if we were to start dating as boyfriend and girlfriend at some point, we wouldn't be able to spend much time together on a regular basis. I get the feeling that he is a relationship type of guy, and I really like him, but I feel a responsibility to let him know at some point that I am not ready for something serious. Is it better to let him know something like this upfront, or am I jumping the gun because it's only been one date? We haven't done anything physical yet. I just don't want to unintentionally lead him on. Thanks!
J21 Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Since you already know you aren't ready to commit to a relationship after the first date, it would probably be better sooner rather than later. Especially for his sake. He would be investing time, emotion and energy when you already know you can't commit to a relationship. You say he's a "relationship type guy"; and in all fairness, he should be putting that time and effort to find someone that is looking for the same.
ctxinfl Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 I typically discuss my intentions before the first date. Why attempt a relationship with someone who is looking for something completely different than you? Dating isn't easy on the resources. No sense in wasting anyone's time.
Ride2Live Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 I echo the sentiments of the above posters. Things like this should be discussed as early as possible even before the first date. There's no reason to waste anybody's time when the harsh reality is that you were not emotionally available at the moment. Read through the other threads about online dating. It is very hard for some people to meet someone normal and have a great first date. I would tell him before the second date so he can make a decision how to proceed.
Author Chalkdust89 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Thanks everyone. The first date started out as a kind of spur of the moment thing with this guy who is a friend of a friend, so I didn't really think about it ahead of time. So saying something after one date won't make me sound like I'm taking things too seriously? It won't freak him out if I bring it up so early on?
ctxinfl Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Thanks everyone. The first date started out as a kind of spur of the moment thing with this guy who is a friend of a friend, so I didn't really think about it ahead of time. So saying something after one date won't make me sound like I'm taking things too seriously? It won't freak him out if I bring it up so early on? You should be honest with him as soon as possible. No one can say if it will freak him out, though if I were him I'd rather learn now than four or five dates later. By that time there is no telling how attached this guy might be to you.
Author Chalkdust89 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 I told him. He was already starting to get clingy and he did not take the news well. I guess you were right, ctxinfl...waiting a little bit longer could have been even worse!
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