girlwithpain Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) Please help to get out of this feeling. 1st of all, im a hindu... i was in relationship with my best friend same college with me 5 years back. Unfortunately, the feeling i had is with someone who same gender with me who is hindu too. I didn't had such feelings with any other girls out there. She the 1 attracted me till i get mad on her and afraid will lose her permanently. Ok! Let me start my story, im from girls school and i know how the lesbians environment will be. Since im a hindu, its like a thing against the nature like lgbt. I aware not to be like that bt ever since i join college,entered 3rd sem my life changed. I was in love with 1 guy bt he very lack in contacting me everyday and i always will feel as normal as i before loving him. Bt the expectation were there. What happened was i started to share my probs with her and she will share her prob too. I did mocked her when we were in 1st and 2nd sem. She is not that beautiful that time and my classmate. Im not that close to her some more. When entered 3rd sem we gt close and she became my closest friend like no other. She used to tell that ppl will bully and mock her without knowing how she would feel. I did that too. That moment she touched my heart she made me felt guilty for what i had done to her. That moment i promised and told her that will take care of her and will nvr let others to look down on her bt that time we still remain as friends. I should admit that she had done so many things for me that i could not payback. As promised i always be there for her and she too. She understands me very well. I could feel that sometimes she will gt possesive when i mingled with my other friends. One day, she were very angry and scolded me due to gave importance to my other friends. We always use to argue about this then will unite and my friends knew that. Then, that day as usual we argued and i just went off to my room to avoid...then after half an hour she came in and started to fight bt that time i really pissed off with her character and shouted back loudly to her. Soon, she kissed me tightly for 5 secs. Something changed in me and i felt not right. But i liked that i could not fight back to her for what she had done. Slowly i felt for her, she too. We became so close then before. I loved her presence in my life and we became so intimate. She really nice girl. After finished college, i cant stop seeing her, atleast one month once i would go and meet her and will hang around for the whole day.she will grab my hand or hold me tight when walk in public. I knew how the people will think. So i will nvr let her to do that so. Bt she insist to do that so. Eventhough we coupled, we used to talk about our future that we will be getting married with one guy pratically. Im more aware about that even she would not care being with me. She cant stand long one day without talking with me. She madly in love with me. Due to this thing against the nature, i started to avoid talking with her and hang aound with my frens so that she would hate me and will get back to normal. We were in arguements for the past one year severely. We still talk but not as before. Thought things getting good and both will gt back to normal. What happend then, i called her last year and wished her for her bday, she gave me shock said that her family looked a groom for her. Im happy at first then ltr started to regret and hurt when kept reminds what she told. I think i'm the one effected here, the memories i shared with her kept remind me and make me miss her so much. Ever since then, i kept calling her bt she dont response as before. Even worst treating me like a 3rd person, said that this will not work and something against nature..she just will hangup the call if i started recalled the past. She even said im disgusting. i afraid that will lose her and could not imagine her with another one. Im really helpless and nobody to share with. Scare i would do something to myself. I just can't move on even this will never work. Can someone tell how to overcome this problem. Edited March 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
lvroflife Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 I am sorry you are facing this! But I am assuming that same sex partners is shunned in your culture... You mentioned her family found a groom for her...She seems to be harsh because just like you she is hurt and for some people they have to be mean to get through heart ache. She is puching you away because her family... Also she sounds like the jealous controlling type which is dangerous... The only way to get through is to let her go...She has to be the one to stand up to her family and tell them she does not want to be this guy. There is nothing you can do but care for yourself.. I wish there was something else that could be done, but she has to make the choice to stand up to her family. 1
Author girlwithpain Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 (edited) Ivroflife.... yes u're right..!!! My society will isolate people with this kinda background. But i gotta tell this, no one would want to against the religion or society. It happens...nobody will plan to do this so. Nobody will understand me as she does...even my future partner i'm pretty sure... feel regret for born as female. Ppl say being lgbt is due to uncontrol lust. In my case, we understand each other more deeply even she can sense what im duin behind her. She pampered me, cried with me, sleep with me, study with me, reason for my success,shared everything with me. I was everything for her. I was there for her when i tried to explain everything. Bt now she is not ready to listen my prob and the feelings that im goin through. She only can remember the good moment with me as a friend. That kills me. How she could just move on in few months. Eventhough i nvr talk with her i never missed thinking about her. Thats why i planned to give a surprise by celebrating her bday last year after a long gap. Bt she gave me a biggest surprise that i nvr imagined. She even said in relationship with that guy. How could she change in few months?? If recalled the past, she started all of this and now hating me to the max if starts to talk about that. She changed...why not me..??? Edited March 3, 2014 by girlwithpain paragraph
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