Seeking Happiness Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) As much as I enjoy giving advice to people regarding break ups and relationships, I do find myself to be needing some advice for myself. I'm hoping that I can get some answers on here regarding a problem that I have with my boyfriend or should I say Ex-boyfriend. The problem that I have is that I haven't been happy with my boyfriend for quite some time now. He is a nice, average guy who is usually pretty good to me. I found as though there were things lacking from the relationship. I didn't feel truly connected to him on quite a few levels. My boyfriend has a good job and it requires him to work hard and it preoccupies his time quite a bit. I'm ok with that as I understand that a career is important. I'm also busy with my own career and my own life so that isn't a problem for either of us. I have unfortunately seen some sides of my boyfriend that I really don't like. He drinks too much and it isn't pleasant for me to be around that. He is also a very Selfish Man and he is always looking for what he is going to get for himself in regards to out relationship. This has turned me off in the worst way possible as I did something last weekend that I wouldn't normally do. It was his Birthday last weekend and I didn't see him at all for his Birthday. We had plans to see eachother on Sat night and the Sunday was his Birthday. I was supposed to go over to his place on the Sat. I had received a couple of phone calls from him saying that he may be a bit late as he had a meeting for work. In the voicemails that he had left me he had clearly stated that he was hoping that I had something "FUN" planned for his Birthday. I text him and told him that I have a headache and that I will be just staying home. He left a voicemail for me saying that you are coming over aren't you?. It is my Birthday!. Gimme a Break!, this guy totally turned me off right then and there. He hasn't been putting much effort in to things lately and he expects me to "entertain" him since it's his Birthday. I spoke to him on the phone as he called me around 6:30pm. I told him that I wasn't happy with things and that I'm sorry that the timing is terrible but I can't be Fake just because it is his Birthday. I told him that I had to go to the Drug store and buy something for my headache and I got off of the phone. I then called him on his actual Birthday which was Sunday and he didn't answer. I then text him to say that even though I feel Crappy I want to wish him a Happy Birthday. Seven hours later he sends me a text saying thanks for making my Birthday so memorable. I wrote back saying that I called and that he ignored my phone call so it's his doing on how it turned out. I also wrote Thank yourself!. It has been an entire week and he hasn't called and either have I. I do believe that I should finalize our business as I do have some belongings over at his house and I owe him some money. I don't feel as though I even want this relationship anymore as I believe that he is too Selfish of a person for me. I find myself really resenting him and I just can't shake it. Should I finalize this with a text about him and I sorting out our business or should I let him contact me?. Not sure why this is dragging on in the first place. Does' he actually think I want to continue with him and work it out?. I would like to close this chapter and move on I'm just not sure how to do this. If I call him he will just ignore me most probably so I think it's better to text in this particular situation. Thanks for letting me vent here Edited March 2, 2014 by Seeking Happiness
lvroflife Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Can I ask, Have either of you sat down and actually talked about what is going on and what is killing the relationship? you say the "inevitable", how do you know what is and is not inevitable?
Author Seeking Happiness Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 We haven't spoke about the relationship since last week. I told him that I'm not getting what I truly want out of this relationship. Not sure how many times I need to tell this guy what it is that I am looking for. All he seems to care about is his "Birthday" and what he is getting. It is so obvious to me. He's 53 years of age and he is set in his ways and obviously won't be changing anytime soon. I guess that's why I say it's inevitable.
lvroflife Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Well if you tried talking to him and he will not listen and not talk back, then you know what you are dealing with... The question becomes do you want to continue to deal with this or walk away? It so sad that people do not want to talk about things and will just let things go... I wish you the best of luck
Author Seeking Happiness Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Thanks for your responses. I haven't tried to talk to him. I did call him on his Birthday to wish him a Happy Birthday but he ignored me. There isn't much that I can do at this point. I think that if he wanted to talk about things he would have called me. This silence between us just seems to confirm my original thoughts about him and I not connecting properly. I'm not really in to this relationship anymore and I would like to end it with him as it's hopeless IMHO. I also would never want a future with a man who has a Defeatist attitude on things. He is Selfish and clearly is not "Man" enough for me. There can't be two women in a relationship. There has to be one Man and one woman. Thanks for your help
lvroflife Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 He sounds like he doesn't like to put in the work for a relationsjip to work! I am sorry that it is this way and you are going through this but you deserve someone to sit down and talk about things, and try to resolve them before walking away! You welcome for the advice! 1
iDrumKing Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 I would absolutely sit him down an speak with him about your deep concerns for the relationship. From the sounds of it it doesn't seem like something you two (him) couldn't work on. He just really needs a slap of reality. If there is any pushback in regards to your request and concerns, then you have a clear answer of what you should.
Author Seeking Happiness Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Thanks so much for your help with this. I know what you mean. It does seem as though he isn't willing to put forth the effort to try to save this relationship. I have no intention of calling him as I did call on his Birthday and he ignored my call. He isn't man enough for me. All he can think about is how hurt he is that I wasn't there for his Birthday. He is probably upset over the fact that he didn't get a chance to sleep with me again. I am starting to believe that he was in this for the sex. There seems to be a disconnect with this guy that I have never seen in my life. He tells me that I'm "The One" and that he Loves Me. I pay attention to actions not words. I really need to just move on from this guy.
David87 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I totally agree, you need to move on. He is way too selfish and kind of childish. Find a way to meet him and get your things back and the break up with him. Even dough he isn't right to you he deserve to be dumped face to face and not over the phone or with a text.
Author Seeking Happiness Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Thanks David I appreciate the advice. I look at it this way. Sometimes when a guy is hurt (over me not seeing him for his Birthday) they will not bother calling. He ignored my one phone call I gave him on his Birthday. I would just assume that he would ignore my call again. I'm not willing to chance it. I feel as though he maybe looking for a reaction from me as he knows that ignoring me would bother me. It's the best trick in the world for messing with people's heads and I know that. I feel that by me not Reacting to this nonsense that it will turn around and bother him as it shows that I don't seem to care at all. I am a very stubborn woman. I know that I started this whole thing as I just wasn't happy with him. I don't care if I see him again. I certainly could never see myself being intimate with him either as he is so not worthy of me. I might just wait this out and see what this Idiot does. I don't even want to give him the satisfaction that I am giving this or him any thought. Thank goodness for this forum as it's great to be able to vent and connect with other super nice people.
Recommended Posts