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What the hell just happened? Is love just an illusion of mind?

ripheart

By ripheart
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ripheart Member

ripheart

Posted
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Me and my EX, we were together for 6 years, we,re like the most beautiful couple, the ones people look up and say they are soulmates, the lucky ones... We were inseparable all these 5.5 year and we could not wait to get married... She wanted to meet my mum and I obliged.. Last 6 months I got busy with my job, she too and so I thought, and now when I see I could feel a emotional disconnect for last 6 months.. BUt I never doubted her cuz we were so in love, or it was just me from what now I know... 3 months from now we were to get married..

 

Out of blue, when I thought things are going so well, she starts confessing me that she started to like someone else, and oneday I got the courage to listen her out, and boom she tells me thing after thing after thing thinking i will get mad but I just kept my calmness and she was the one who finally lost her cool and broke up with me saying she is not just in love with me anymore and she was forcing herself in our relationship so to not hurt me...

 

We have loved each other intensely and have shared beautiful memories, and am not ready to admit she is a bitch... She was emotionally cheating on me for like 4 months, she says she tried to make things better, stopped talking to him once but just could not resist him.. From then she has apologised to me, that she never planned to do this it just happened, that am a great guy and she is very guilty, that she was a fool to do this but now she can't keep me happy too, that she tried but she has just no heart in us now.. And she will always care for me, and we should not be friends to forget each other, and to help me move on.. I told her I want to forget her, that I wish her well too... and am not going to judge her cuz she was the same girl I fell in love with....

 

I know I did all the right things, and I know from what I understand, she fell in love with him, did not stop herself at that time was a mistake she admits, but now she is also doing the right things....

 

But wtf just happened, it kills me, we were meant to be forever, we were so intense so much into each other, and am so hurting right now but there is just no use of saying anything to her cuz the more I will try the more I push her away... and anyways I should just hate her right now, and she should be the one to want me back.. Am the guy girls love to hang out with, but all my life I have been so faithful, then why did she has to do this.. The one thing I loved about her was honesty all these years, she would be rude, but she would never be dishonest then how did this happen... Just because it got stable and predictable?? Just because she is feeling the rush of honeymoon stage of love, she forgot us??..... Something inside me is just sure she is going to come back, that actually gives me the power to let her go... She is a little immature but she was such a great girl, and its hard to believe that she can be so dumb... She will say now things like we were never so compatible, cmon girl make some sense, 6 months back you were obsessed about the idea of marrying me, making plans of the future, and I dint ran away from my responsibilities ever, I never had a cold feet, so you wanted to marry me knowing we are incompatible or suddenly we just became incompatible? 6 months it took for her to believe from me to be the perfect guy ever to am not even her type and the new guy is all her type... She is not even sure she will be with him forever but she is with him cuz she is happy with him right now and does not care what happens in future...

 

 

I really cant believe this could ever happen to me... But I guess no one does unless it happens... Am trying to enjoy my single life right now as we were each others first and I feel like I never really lived a single's life.. Am hitting gym real hard, want to become the most gorgeous thing and the only thing I really want right now is make her regret this so much.... I want to get invisible to her to let her know how life feels without me, that gives me the only hope that she will miss me... She still loves me I see it sometimes, but she loves him more, atleast at the moment... She even admits she is being really selfish right now.. ****tier things happen to good people all the time and I will be happy again I know but really is love just an illusion of mind?? What do you think if she ever gonna regret this? Is it GIGS?? Is there really a syndrome like that or people just made it up??

 

Am not gonna wait for her and move on... But that hope for reconcilation may always be there...

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

First and foremost: How old are you both....?

 

I suspect quite young...mid-20's....?

  • Author
ripheart Member

ripheart

Posted
  • Author
Posted
First and foremost: How old are you both....?

 

I suspect quite young...mid-20's....?

 

 

yes almost 24 both!!! :-)

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Now why, do you suppose, was I just so exactly right in my suspicion?

 

because much as i hate to say it - it happens all the time.

 

You would be stunned at the sheer amount of threads started by - it has to be said - mainly males, although not exclusively, regarding the death of intimate feelings on the part of the girl/partner.

(And there's a reason for that....)

 

And always, but always, these people met during their mid- to late teens.

 

Two things:

How you feel as a teen is ALWAYS, but ALWAYS going to change, evolve develop and shift, as you get older.

There are things you do as a young teen, that you would never imagine carrying on over into adulthood.

 

Getting into a permanent fixed relationship, therefore unsurprisingly, is one of them.

You can never hope to maintain the same level or depth of feeling, as 'you' move from being essentially a child, into an adult.

 

Her feelings have changed, because she's evolved.

And here's the kicker:

She's evolved more quickly than you, because girls' brains, in general, mature faster than those of guys.

 

(However, neither your brain nor hers, are even fully cooked yet.)

 

She's out-grown you.

What started as something wonderful in your teens, she has now moved on from, because she doesn't have those same feelings any more.

 

I know it's an odd thing to say, but don't take it 'personally'.

Had you been any other guy of your age - she would have done the same thing.

 

It's not 'you' specifically.

It's the fact that she has reached a level of mental attitude that has felt stuck and inhibited, restrained by the worn familiarity of a relationship that was great, but is now, 'stale'.

She has a need to broaden her horizons and see and experience new things.

And - honestly?

 

You should take her lead.

Because you neither of you know what a wonderful variety of new things to explore, lies ahead of you.

 

I know it hurts right now.

But sadly, it's pretty common.

And dare I say it, almost a natural thing to happen.

lvroflife Established Member

lvroflife

Posted
Posted

Get things in order for you, not to make her regret her leaving...She may do that on her own...She has a case of the GIGS! She may come back and she may not, but if she does will you want her back? Remember she left you for a new dude...Who is to say she won't do it again? Trust has been broken...

 

FOCUS ON YOU!! And goo luck!

  • Author
ripheart Member

ripheart

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Get things in order for you, not to make her regret her leaving...She may do that on her own...She has a case of the GIGS! She may come back and she may not, but if she does will you want her back? Remember she left you for a new dude...Who is to say she won't do it again? Trust has been broken...

 

FOCUS ON YOU!! And goo luck!

 

you may be totally right !! no i dont hate her, and i will always love her i guess in some odd way, n i cud see that it hurts her to do this to me so yes i can still trust her but i will not take her back like that, will go slow for sure!!! One thing am sure is that she has to make the move if ever it happens!! She has grown with me, she may have outgrown me, but i have a strong feeling if she ever returns she will value and appreciate my love more than ever!! I so feel like she is a kid who is making a mistake and needs to learn from it without me!!

 

I am the one who has more female friends than male, and i feel totally capable of getting a girl to fall in love with me if i want to inside a month or two, but i want to be single for now and focus on myslf, become everything i always wanted to and do things i never did because i have now more time to myself!! And even though i can point few things like immaturity in my ex, she still is overall i believe the best girl i have ever met!!!

Edited by ripheart
lvroflife Established Member

lvroflife

Posted
Posted

Of course you think she is now. You are still young so you will meet lots of women. You never know what the future holds, she may come back she may not, either way you live for you and continue to do you!!

  • Author
ripheart Member

ripheart

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Now why, do you suppose, was I just so exactly right in my suspicion?

 

because much as i hate to say it - it happens all the time.

 

You would be stunned at the sheer amount of threads started by - it has to be said - mainly males, although not exclusively, regarding the death of intimate feelings on the part of the girl/partner.

(And there's a reason for that....)

 

And always, but always, these people met during their mid- to late teens.

 

Two things:

How you feel as a teen is ALWAYS, but ALWAYS going to change, evolve develop and shift, as you get older.

There are things you do as a young teen, that you would never imagine carrying on over into adulthood.

 

Getting into a permanent fixed relationship, therefore unsurprisingly, is one of them.

You can never hope to maintain the same level or depth of feeling, as 'you' move from being essentially a child, into an adult.

 

Her feelings have changed, because she's evolved.

And here's the kicker:

She's evolved more quickly than you, because girls' brains, in general, mature faster than those of guys.

 

(However, neither your brain nor hers, are even fully cooked yet.)

 

She's out-grown you.

What started as something wonderful in your teens, she has now moved on from, because she doesn't have those same feelings any more.

 

I know it's an odd thing to say, but don't take it 'personally'.

Had you been any other guy of your age - she would have done the same thing.

 

It's not 'you' specifically.

It's the fact that she has reached a level of mental attitude that has felt stuck and inhibited, restrained by the worn familiarity of a relationship that was great, but is now, 'stale'.

She has a need to broaden her horizons and see and experience new things.

And - honestly?

 

You should take her lead.

Because you neither of you know what a wonderful variety of new things to explore, lies ahead of you.

 

I know it hurts right now.

But sadly, it's pretty common.

And dare I say it, almost a natural thing to happen.

 

 

Hmm and by letting her go I have done the best I could do I guess...

Thanks and I totally understand this happening to her from what I know her, and I know her pretty well :)...

  • Author
ripheart Member

ripheart

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Of course you think she is now. You are still young so you will meet lots of women. You never know what the future holds, she may come back she may not, either way you live for you and continue to do you!!

 

 

Yeah I know, and I leave it to destiny what happens to us in future... May be she will come back, or I will get someone better :) ... Either way I feel more experienced now to handle relationships.. Also read somewhere, anyone who does not leave you is always better :)...

Edited by ripheart
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