on_a_break Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Hi all, I posted here about a month ago regarding my breakup situation and you were all very helpful thank you. Quick summary: he left after 2 1/2 years due to too many fights. Since then we've been seeing each other more and more. But in almost a friendly way. We've slept together a couple of times, but there's no affection really. We don't spend much time one-on-one, and when we do it's basically me making him dinner. He gets in touch with me most days though. And most of his stuff is still in my place. So I feel like I'm stuck in this limbo situation, where I'm waiting around for him to decide if he wants me. I'm so unhappy. A few days ago I got stupid drunk (I've been working on not drinking and I slipped up), and a male friend had to bring me home. We ended up kissing and messing around a bit. I wasn't really up for it, he instigated it but I'm not interested in him and I felt a bit taken advantage of. I was basically falling asleep. But anyway, what's done is done. We agreed it was a one off, and to never mention it again. I don't see him often anyway. Now I'm confused, because it made me realize I do miss the affection and companionship. It's basically made me realize that I am so lonely and unhappy. Also, I do feel like I've betrayed my ex. I've never cheated on my ex and I'd never want to. I love my ex and I do want to get back together with him. But this situation is awful. I can't move on, we're not moving forwards, I don't know where I stand. I love him but I can't wait around like this forever. I'm so lonely and miserable. My question is: what now? Where do I go from here? Should I tell my ex about the friend? I don't know if he has a right to know or not. And what to do about the ex situation itself? Thank you in advance for any help or suggestions.
lvroflife Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 You didn't cheat, BC you're single. Secondly your ex doesn't need to know anything, because again you're single. Heck he may be out do his own thing. I will be honest if you want a relationship with him, it is not going to happen while your his fallback girl. I mean he is getting in touch with you when he wants and having sex with you when he wants. He is getting all his needs met without having to be in a relationship with you. So why should he restart a relationship with you. At this point you need to walk away, and not give him all HE wants without the commitment of the relationship. You need to go through all your feelings and emotions and allow him (if he ever will) miss you and what you had. By going NC it will allow you to clear your head and get yourself right and refocus on the important person=YOU!! All you are doing right now his allowing him to continue to (strong possible) date other women while if it doesn't work out run back to you. He knows you're not going anywhere so he is able to take his time. You need to stop!! Yes it is scary I know, but let me ask you, would you rather have a clear mind or be unhappy?
haribogumsnickers Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 I'm really bad at advice but I would clear the rest of his stuff out of your place. Cut him off completely because he's no good for you to wait around and confuse you into thinking of a comeback. No need to inform of the one off either. You deserved some. I know you two had 2.5 years shared together but bottom line he left you because he didn't care enough or love you enough to stay. Remember you're not lonely nor miserable. And it's okay to drink off the shiznit, just do so with a non rapist cutie with a booty. You'll be fine...
Author on_a_break Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Thanks to both of you for your advice. I didn't really see it that he was keeping me around as a fallback girl. I do feel bad that I hooked up with someone while we are still talking and "seeing how things go". But I think I'll use this as a catalyst to sort out the limbo. It's difficult to move on when he's still there!
lvroflife Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 You'll never move on if he is still there and he'll never miss you if you are still there. Cut him off and FOCUS on you!! Make the changes in you that YOU want to make!!
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