Poor grooming habits

[ReadySettyGo]

I recently dated a woman who I found attractive up until our first day-time date. In daylight I noticed some poor grooming habits that grossed me out, ie.

 

- Protruding nasal hairs

- Long course hairs on legs

- Flaky skin on face

 

I realise these are superficial things but in my opinion they are a basic part of modern female grooming.

 

No emotion was invested... the spark has gone... I'm moving on.

Should I call her out on it or politely let it go?

[Els]

If you're not happy with her this early on, for whatever reason, let her go, find someone more compatible. That's really all that needs to be said. There is no point 'calling her out on it'.

[melell]

I don't think people should change because someone 'called them out', so I don't think it is necessary.

 

Personally things like that bother me, but I am overly groomed, and it is a personality thing with me- been that way from really, really young. For me it would be, as the other poster said, a compatibility issue. Simple.

 

I would put money on it that there are guys out there that would hardly notice those things, or would notice but not care much.

 

Leave her to it.

[Ninjainpajamas]

That's pretty disgusting if it's that noticeable and borderline "someone needs to let them know" because maybe in her dark bathroom lit mirror she doesn't notice those things, I don't know, could be religious...but I'd consider letting her know in the nicest way possible that you're being honest and didn't find some of her grooming habits attractive and it was unfortunately something that made it difficult to connect with her romantically.

 

I know people will say you're a mean @sshole and its unnecessary even uncalled for but on the same hand many people also cry about not knowing why someone lost interest or isn't into them and this is a clear foul imo, not being overly picky or harsh, many men will mock and ridicule her for those issues without telling her...Doesn't mean they won't sleep with her still but they wouldn't take her seriously, not many guys are just going to think nothing of it.

 

She needs to shave the legs and pluck the nose hairs, if she can't get rid of the frosted face flakes she might need a dermatologist but she can easily take care of the others with a little care.

[silvermercy]

Yes, he is a mean @**hole. There I said it. I hate gender-role situations like this.

And I hate how women today have to be like photoshopped models in real life, too, now. I wonder if OP is close to a real life Adonis?? Maybe he should post pics so we can judge him, too.

 

I'm sorry but it gets on my nerves everytime I see a post about women's appearance being so heavily scrutinised and being body-shamed in general, especially when it's something NATURAL. In the meantime men are free to have their body hair and beer bellies without being ashamed. I personally find hair in men a turn off, so if OP has body hair and meets someone like me he should get rid of it, just because I expect him too. If it's disgusting for me, then he should comply, no? Or is it only men that are allowed to find body hair in women disgusting or unappealing?

 

Oh the SHAME of having natural body hair! *eye roll*

Edited March 2, 2014 by silvermercy

[haribogumsnickers]

Hair no hair out the nose or on the legs...I would never call out a woman on her natural hairiness. She's going French and that's cool with me.

 

She probably didn't care to shave the hair after seeing you.

[Els]

That's pretty disgusting if it's that noticeable and borderline "someone needs to let them know" because maybe in her dark bathroom lit mirror she doesn't notice those things, I don't know, could be religious...but I'd consider letting her know in the nicest way possible that you're being honest and didn't find some of her grooming habits attractive and it was unfortunately something that made it difficult to connect with her romantically.

 

I know people will say you're a mean @sshole and its unnecessary even uncalled for but on the same hand many people also cry about not knowing why someone lost interest or isn't into them and this is a clear foul imo, not being overly picky or harsh, many men will mock and ridicule her for those issues without telling her...Doesn't mean they won't sleep with her still but they wouldn't take her seriously, not many guys are just going to think nothing of it.

 

She needs to shave the legs and pluck the nose hairs, if she can't get rid of the frosted face flakes she might need a dermatologist but she can easily take care of the others with a little care.

 

I assure you that NOBODY is unaware of their leg hairs, unless they are literally blind . We're not exactly talking about body odor; even men know that they have leg hair. It's a conscious decision to leave it on or remove it, and a decision that she as an adult can make for herself. Whether you or anyone else thinks she 'needs' to do anything has little bearing on that.

[ThatMan]

I've learned early on that both men and women should at least be willing to look presentable on a first date. This can be a far-cry from scrutinizing looks and wanting a photoshopped model. If somebody cannot take care of themselves they're either horribly depressed and need help, or they just aren't emotionally invested enough to bother the with the most basic hygiene routines.

 

These sort of people aren't worth it. You'll find a better woman.

[LostConfused123]

I assure you that NOBODY is unaware of their leg hairs, unless they are literally blind . We're not exactly talking about body odor; even men know that they have leg hair. It's a conscious decision to leave it on or remove it, and a decision that she as an adult can make for herself. Whether you or anyone else thinks she 'needs' to do anything has little bearing on that.

I totally agree.

For myself, I just happen to be a girly girl. I am fully aware of what I like and need to do for my "femininity"

shaving, girly soaps, painted nails, perfume, face cream before bed. . . . etc.

But that's just me. . . . it just makes me feel good about myself.

My best friend on the other hand is a Tom boy. She doesn't like all that stuff and doesn't "need" it.

 

Neither one is "better" it's just being comfortable with yourself.

 

I'm sure she's aware of her grooming habits and is fine with them.

 

Just my opinion but, you would probably be happier with the "girly" type. Nothing wrong with that.

Best of luck!!!

[lucy_in_disguise]

Women are not obligated to shave their legs for you ya know. What's next, texting your date after you have sex to let her know other men are going to ridicule her unshaven vagina?

 

Leg hair may not be your cup of tea but I assure you, it's natural, and there are men who look beyond it.

[nomadic_butterfly]

I recently dated a woman who I found attractive up until our first day-time date. In daylight I noticed some poor grooming habits that grossed me out, ie.

 

- Protruding nasal hairs

- Long course hairs on legs

- Flaky skin on face

 

I realise these are superficial things but in my opinion they are a basic part of modern female grooming.

 

No emotion was invested... the spark has gone... I'm moving on.

Should I call her out on it or politely let it go?

 

No emotion was invested and the spark IS GONE end of conversation. She's not your cup of tea, but she is for someone else so just leave it at that. Some men prefer au naturale but you are not one of those kinds.

 

Being rude and mean isn't going benefit anyone in the situation so really there's no point.

[hasaquestion]

Yes, he is a mean @**hole. There I said it. I hate gender-role situations like this.

And I hate how women today have to be like photoshopped models in real life, too, now. I wonder if OP is close to a real life Adonis?? Maybe he should post pics so we can judge him, too.

 

I'm sorry but it gets on my nerves everytime I see a post about women's appearance being so heavily scrutinised and being body-shamed in general, especially when it's something NATURAL. In the meantime men are free to have their body hair and beer bellies without being ashamed. I personally find hair in men a turn off, so if OP has body hair and meets someone like me he should get rid of it, just because I expect him too. If it's disgusting for me, then he should comply, no? Or is it only men that are allowed to find body hair in women disgusting or unappealing?

 

Oh the SHAME of having natural body hair! *eye roll*

 

You can demand whatever you want in the opposite sex appearance wise.

 

For example, I demand a girl who looks like Ariana Grande. However, the market dictates that I do not get a girl who looks like Ariana Grande. Instead, I end up sitting across from girls who demand a guy who looks like Ryan Reynolds, and ended up with me instead. What's wrong with that?

 

Likewise there's nothing wrong with you turning down all the potbellied and hairy men in the world. That's your prerogative. And when the dust settles, you'll have let the potbellied guys know they can't have you, just like Ariana Grande would probably let me know if hypothetically ran into her at stop&shop or something.

 

What I can do is present myself such that I'll have the best shot with Ariana. Just like the potbellied guys you turn down can hit the gym 6 times a week and run/lift that gut away, and just how the girl with the nose hairs can establish better grooming habits.

 

Maybe the girl who the OP turned down for that flaw is the best he's going to get? Perhaps but that's the inefficiency of dating and that's on him if it happens. Its an inexact science and happens with both sexes.

Edited March 2, 2014 by hasaquestion

[writergal]

Seriously OP every human being has nose hairs. You'll have to get over that. So she didn't moisturize one day and her skin was flaky. Maybe she doesn't like to shave her legs. I think your reasons for dumping her are shallow and superficial. Good luck finding a woman whose nose doesn't have a protruding hair from it occasionally or whose facial skin may flake when the air is dry during the colder months. You sound like a real piece of work with those kinds of superficial values.

 

Why don't you just gift bag a nose trimmer, facial moisturizer and an electric razor for every woman you date in the future? That way she'll know what you expect from her.

[silvermercy]

You can demand whatever you want in the opposite sex appearance wise.

 

For example, I demand a girl who looks like Ariana Grande. However, the market dictates that I do not get a girl who looks like Ariana Grande. Instead, I end up sitting across from girls who demand a guy who looks like Ryan Reynolds, and ended up with me instead. What's wrong with that?

 

Likewise there's nothing wrong with you turning down all the potbellied and hairy men in the world. That's your prerogative. And when the dust settles, you'll have let the potbellied guys know they can't have you, just like Ariana Grande would probably let me know if hypothetically ran into her at stop&shop or something.

 

What I can do is present myself such that I'll have the best shot with Ariana. Just like the potbellied guys you turn down can hit the gym 6 times a week and run/lift that gut away, and just how the girl with the nose hairs can establish grooming habits.

But that's what exactly what I'm talking about! Pot-bellied guys are not actually ridiculed to the same degree as women are for TINY details.

Women are way more sensitive in their appearance than men in general because society makes has made them that way!

 

Also, bolded: that's also the thing I'm talking about. WHY on Earth should she choose to "establish grooming habits"? She should be happy as she is and should change for nobody!

[hasaquestion]

But that's what exactly what I'm talking about! Pot-bellied guys are not actually ridiculed to the same degree as women are for TINY details.

Women are way more sensitive in their appearance than men in general because society makes has made them that way!

 

Also, bolded: that's also the thing I'm talking about. WHY on Earth should she choose to "establish grooming habits"? She should be happy as she is and should change for nobody!

 

If she's happy the way she is that's great. Just like if the pot-bellied guy is happy the way he is, that's great too.

 

Again my point is that if OP can find happiness in the form of a woman who goes everywhere with a tub full of moisturizer or whatever it is he cares so much about, good for him.

 

I just don't think people should be vilified for their superficial expectations, when expectations don't really mean anything. What "justifies" expectations is whether you get them or not.

 

And I think you are right that women's appearance matters more, but I would counter that it only places more value on the superficial aspects of men (social status, alpha male status, etc.) that women value. We're all superficial creatures and I don't feel like shaming all the girls who have rejected me or vice versa for that. Its all good.

[Eivuwan]

Op what makes you think her situation is so bad that you a total stranger would need to point it out to her. I knew a lady who wears t shirts jeans and mismatched socks. No hairdos no makeup. She is a doctor and happily married.

[Eivuwan]

If she's happy the way she is that's great. Just like if the pot-bellied guy is happy the way he is, that's great too.

 

Again my point is that if OP can find happiness in the form of a woman who goes everywhere with a tub full of moisturizer or whatever it is he cares so much about, good for him.

 

I just don't think people should be vilified for their superficial expectations, when expectations don't really mean anything. What "justifies" expectations is whether you get them or not.

 

And I think you are right that women's appearance matters more, but I would counter that it only places more value on the superficial aspects of men (social status, alpha male status, etc.) that women value. We're all superficial creatures and I don't feel like shaming all the girls who have rejected me or vice versa for that. Its all good.

 

He isn't just superficial. He feels the need to point it out to this lady who for all we know doesn't like him that much anyway. It's just a rude thing to say to strangers.

[TheGuard13]

How do you know her leg hair was coarse?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did you touch it?

[hasaquestion]

How do you know her leg hair was coarse?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did you touch it?

 

He asked to perform a five point inspection I guess.

[William]

Rather than handing out a bunch of five-point inspections, seeing things wandering far afield and the thread starter nowhere to be found, I'll do a comb-over here and leave things as they are for now. Perhaps Robert may have some additional thoughts. Thanks for your participation!