OzHeartache Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) She dumped me after almost 4 months "because I'm a great guy but she is not feeling it" She asked if I had used her Xmas present she gave me because it's expensive and doesn't want to waste it (a $580 couples massage) she said they won't split it (which is understandable) and she asked "do I have any suggestions" Think I'm just going to reply and say she can have it, I don't really wanna use it anyway as it will always be in the back of my mind that we should have been together, will tell her to take a friend or her next boyfriend (it's a bit of a dig I know) It wasn't a nasty breakup and I was kind of blindsided (because I loved her and where we were heading ..... Or so I thought) to be honest I don't want to be nasty..... Ofcourse I'm upset but I know that if she wasn't feeling it then it's best we go our separate ways and she's done the best thing given she wasn't into me, it's the second girl to do this to me in 6 months but obviously it still hurts and I feel so useless and lost all my self confidence (again) I guess it is a breadcrumb but it's not a "how are you I miss you" ..... There's a purpose to it .... Plus she has a few things of mine so I can organise for her to send them to me #%$& I hate breakups....... Life really sucks sometimes Edited March 2, 2014 by OzHeartache
Author OzHeartache Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Actually think I'm just going to send it by post tomorrow and not reply on SMS to keep NC going, of course the Xmas card that came with the voucher where she said "our first Xmas together of many" will be ripped in two with it.... That will say everything I want to say to her without actually saying anything
Author OzHeartache Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Anyone?? Can you see anything wrong with no reply and sending it back?! I'm starting to get sick thinking about this ?!
herself Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 If you can forget the things of yours she has & send back without reply i think it would be besr. No u dont have to be nasty, nor are u obligated to be friendly. Also, massages are great for improving health, circulation, stress, so you can even.respond that you used it, and go ahead and USE it. In a way, it does seem a little self serving to not check on YOU but check on the "expensive" gift she gave you & perhaps she is ONLY being polite to ensure you will be cordial about giving it back. Thats kinda tacky & selfish when u broke spmeones heart. The more I write, the more I say......keep it, reply by saying, I am using it and appreciate it, take care and continue NC. Not all girls are this way & she was prob a rebound for u, you just didnt realize & fell faster, but in reality you are learning for your real true love & I would stay single & eat healthy & work out & do therapy even just to get self esteem back & only focus on you....and your stress releasing massages after gym, lol 1
jennifermariecole Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Yeah, what a b*tch for asking for a Xmas present back... Super tacky. You're well rid of that one, OP. 1
herself Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Wanna post again, thought more about it...used to manage a massage place, seemed more guys than women got massage, but the gift cerrificate would be worth alot of individual massages, we wouldn't have cared if it was used for couples massages or individual, we would have just takwn each massage off tje total value of certificate. So go there, tell them it was a gift from girlfriend & that you broke up but ask how you can still use it for individual massages & guarenteed you can....why shouldn't you? It would be healthy for you & FREE compliments are your selfish ex who tried to get it back, likely to regift to her new man.....ummmm yahhh, NO! What a jerk for her to even consider asking about it when your healing. No way. Lots of stress relief for you now, she shoulda thought of that before heartlessly dumping you. 1
Author OzHeartache Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) SHe didn't say she wants it back exactly, she's saying she can't do anything without the voucher and do I have any suggestions, she does say she would like to split it Point is I'm not sure I want to go anyway, I'm kind of sensitive and think too much so will be thinking the whole time who should be laying next to me The text: Hi I really hope you've been well & I hope you had a good birthday. I've just had a thought about the massage voucher and was wondering whether you had used it because we shouldn't let it go to waste. It was $580 which is a lot of money. I was thinking of getting it split in 2 so we can both enjoy it as intended but I don't think they will allow me to do it without being able to present the voucher. Do you have any suggestions? Edited March 2, 2014 by OzHeartache
Author OzHeartache Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Not all girls are this way & she was prob a rebound for u, you just didnt realize & fell faster, but in reality you are learning for your real true love & I would stay single & eat healthy & work out & do therapy even just to get self esteem back & only focus on you....and your stress releasing massages after gym, lol Yeah I think your 100% right, The more I move on the more I realise that "IM just not feeling it" is a smokescreen for the fact that this girl is obviously a commitment phobe (40, never married or kids, single for the last 6 years except for a few "flings", put the breaks on several times in the time we were together, even said when dumping me "I know im probably making a big mistake" and "I know my friends are going to say good on you you stuffed up another one") Having said that I did fall way to fast and hard, Your right I need to stay single and look after myself, Im so lost and feeling so down after being dumped (did the last time too), I need to stop being so co-dependant but im frustrated she didn't stay and fight because everything else is pretty perfect (likes/dislikes, amazing sex, we cared for each other etc) Of course its entirely possible that she just wasn't into me, she is a good person but if I look back at the texts and convos we had, it doesn't seem like she wasn't into me........... Looks like she is just scared and ran.....
lolablue17 Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 of course the Xmas card that came with the voucher where she said "our first Xmas together of many" will be ripped in two with it.... Send it with the card in it, so she can have a good joke laughing at herself. 1
herself Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Fyi she knows it is tacky & would make her look.like an ass so she is trying to look non chalant about it bringing it up very casually. The "any suggestions" is her hoping you will say she can have it back. She doesnt want to go with you hon that's why she tried to get them to split YOUR gift in half so u both can enjoy it separately, do u get that? So though she dumped you she is still looking out for HERSELF. HER enjoyment & what it cost HER. Gross. WHATi was ssuggesting is YOU go a use it ALL on YOU and only you. Or do u have a sister mom, or cousin who can use it if you won't? She should just be out that money, plus its a selfish gift in the 2st place to give a gift that she would reap half the benefits from. Listen to me...this chick said "hope your doing. Well" instead of "how are u doing" She doesn't care & that entire breadcrumb message was centered around getting the gift back in a round about way. Keep it & go get your own massages or give it away. 1
Sandy99 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I would tell her sorry but I've already used it. I mean what a ridiculous question, "hey can I have your Christmas present back, I know I dumped you, but come on let's not waste money here?" Tell her it's already been used, so she'll go away with all sorts of questions in her mind. 2
organizedchaos Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I would tell her sorry but I've already used it. I mean what a ridiculous question, "hey can I have your Christmas present back, I know I dumped you, but come on let's not waste money here?" Tell her it's already been used, so she'll go away with all sorts of questions in her mind. Exactly. "hm, who'd he use it with?" Will send her mind spinning. 1
Author OzHeartache Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Nup, sent it back to her yesterday, I don't want it, Wouldn't feel right using it as it was a honeymoon couples package so even if I took a friend I know what I would be thinking about ............. her! I sent it back with the xmas card that she gave with it with her words saying how "lucky she was to have a kind caring and patient man with her" and "how she was looking forward to many more" I also kept a coaster from or first date that she knew I kept and loved that I did that.............. I ripped it in half and slipped it in the card I also wrote a post-it note with the words "all yours, Give it to your next boyfriend, with a bit of luck he will be just as scared of commitment a you" lol.... A little cheeky (tried not to be too nasty but what does she expect.....she broke my heart!) I know but Its nice to get it off my chest, I was totally blind sided as I didn't really see it coming so I only really realised she was a commitment phobe after the shock settled down so was always annoyed I could never get to tell her so it feels a little relief....... Still sad and such a waste of something so promising (cause it was great, she just cant commit obviously) but its out of my control....... cant make someone love and want to be with you
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Nup, sent it back to her yesterday, I don't want it, Wouldn't feel right using it as it was a honeymoon couples package so even if I took a friend I know what I would be thinking about ............. her! I sent it back with the xmas card that she gave with it with her words saying how "lucky she was to have a kind caring and patient man with her" and "how she was looking forward to many more" I also kept a coaster from or first date that she knew I kept and loved that I did that.............. I ripped it in half and slipped it in the card I also wrote a post-it note with the words "all yours, Give it to your next boyfriend, with a bit of luck he will be just as scared of commitment a you" lol.... A little cheeky (tried not to be too nasty but what does she expect.....she broke my heart!) I know but Its nice to get it off my chest, I was totally blind sided as I didn't really see it coming so I only really realised she was a commitment phobe after the shock settled down so was always annoyed I could never get to tell her so it feels a little relief....... Still sad and such a waste of something so promising (cause it was great, she just cant commit obviously) but its out of my control....... cant make someone love and want to be with you Exactly! My ex is/was the same way. She actually has a gift for me that she bought while she was giving me the silent treatment. She bought me an accessory for a new Keurig machine and she kept telling me that she wanted to give it to me...all while I was getting the silent treatment and also getting yelled at for making the attempts to hang out/tal to her. I would absolutely love it if she decided to send it to me. I'd probably put it in a box and send it right back to her. THIS is the dumb stuff I remember from her. A stupid Keurig coffee machine accessory...!!! wtf?
organizedchaos Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Nup, sent it back to her yesterday, I don't want it, Wouldn't feel right using it as it was a honeymoon couples package so even if I took a friend I know what I would be thinking about ............. her! I sent it back with the xmas card that she gave with it with her words saying how "lucky she was to have a kind caring and patient man with her" and "how she was looking forward to many more" I also kept a coaster from or first date that she knew I kept and loved that I did that.............. I ripped it in half and slipped it in the card I also wrote a post-it note with the words "all yours, Give it to your next boyfriend, with a bit of luck he will be just as scared of commitment a you" lol.... A little cheeky (tried not to be too nasty but what does she expect.....she broke my heart!) I know but Its nice to get it off my chest, I was totally blind sided as I didn't really see it coming so I only really realised she was a commitment phobe after the shock settled down so was always annoyed I could never get to tell her so it feels a little relief....... Still sad and such a waste of something so promising (cause it was great, she just cant commit obviously) but its out of my control....... cant make someone love and want to be with you I wouldn't have written the note or included the coaster b/c it shows too much emotion. But including the xmas card is a nice touch. Personally, if you didn't want to use it, I still wouldn't have given it back and told her it was used. Consider her loss of $580 as the cost of dumping you
Author OzHeartache Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 I wouldn't have written the note or included the coaster b/c it shows too much emotion. But including the xmas card is a nice touch. Yeah I did think of that but she already knows that im upset about it from when she dumped me on the phone as she heard it in my voice, It allowed me to say what I needed to say though without kinda breaking NC (technically I did I know) but will ignore any texts/emails from now on
organizedchaos Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Yeah I did think of that but she already knows that im upset about it from when she dumped me on the phone as she heard it in my voice, It allowed me to say what I needed to say though without kinda breaking NC (technically I did I know) but will ignore any texts/emails from now on Please post what, if any, reaction you get from her.
Author OzHeartache Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 Please post what, if any, reaction you get from her. Will do mate although I don't think she will, wasn't a nasty breakup and she is a pretty level headed girl........ just all such a shame...... wasteful and confidence sapping
guest572 Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Did she really want her gift back or is it a lame excuse to contact you? I will say both. Either way, rude! i understand why you wouldn't want to use the voucher. I was blindsided too, after 9 months he wasn't feeling it. I have hidden away gifts from him, although awesome gifts its too upsetting. That's really sad about the card saying "first of many".. sorry you are going through this crap. 1
Author OzHeartache Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 Did she really want her gift back or is it a lame excuse to contact you? I will say both. Either way, rude! i understand why you wouldn't want to use the voucher. I was blindsided too, after 9 months he wasn't feeling it. I have hidden away gifts from him, although awesome gifts its too upsetting. That's really sad about the card saying "first of many".. sorry you are going through this crap. Yeah that did cross my mind too Brightnight, Im thinking maybe a little of both (prob more the present though ) as I haven't talked or contacted her in anyway since we hung up the phone after she dumped me ive stuck to NC really well (as hard as it is) Yeah im sorry your going through it too, its so sad really, its hard to remain poisitve and "move on"........ The thing I "ALWAYS" struggle with is how you can be so close to someone and in constant communication and then *poof*.....Its all gone just like that and you have nothing........... Its tough
Author OzHeartache Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Please post what, if any, reaction you get from her. Hey Organized, got a text this morning, pretty much just a thanks I got it I'll see what I can do about splitting it, no mention of the card/coaster or note..... Prob a good thing though, she knows how I feel now and that I'm not letting her pin it all on me...... Didn't reply and won't, just don't understand why but guess that's life, never really will, just have to accept the time we shared is done and move on....... Life is so f'ing unfair sometimes, when is someone going to want me (and fight for me) just as much as I will for them...... Really over it Text: Thanks for sending the voucher. I'll go into the store on the weekend, get it split in two and send you back a voucher for a massage. Have a great day.
organizedchaos Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Hey Organized, got a text this morning, pretty much just a thanks I got it I'll see what I can do about splitting it, no mention of the card/coaster or note..... Prob a good thing though, she knows how I feel now and that I'm not letting her pin it all on me...... Didn't reply and won't, just don't understand why but guess that's life, never really will, just have to accept the time we shared is done and move on....... Life is so f'ing unfair sometimes, when is someone going to want me (and fight for me) just as much as I will for them...... Really over it Text: Thanks for sending the voucher. I'll go into the store on the weekend, get it split in two and send you back a voucher for a massage. Have a great day. Sucks man, I been there too. No response. She sends you a voucher either give it as a gift to someone or save it for day when you are finally indifferent. 1
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