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Had to turn someone down, I really liked them.


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Posted

There was a person I had grown very close to. They went to a lot of effort to find me after they left, and try and convince me to give it a chance.

 

I couldn't do so- for professional reasons.

 

I feel really sick about it, months and months of untarnished closeness. Intense preoccupation with each other. All gone really quickly.

 

Not sure what to think.

Posted

They left and you still couldn't date them for professional reasons? :confused: How does that work? Sure you didn't turn them down for other reasons?

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Posted
They left and you still couldn't date them for professional reasons? :confused: How does that work? Sure you didn't turn them down for other reasons?

 

It is a little tricky with where I work, lots of contractual stuff to prevent relationships.

Basically the environment is fertile for relationships to develop, but there is also a lot of sensitive information that needs to be protected, so they go to big lengths to avoid it.

I would be in breach of contract to have any romantic interaction with him in less that five years after my leaving the position.

 

It is government based.

 

I never really considered anything happening, I was just like it is against the rules- an impossibility. But since they made it so clear they felt the same, exactly the same, it feels like a really bad loss.

Posted

What are you thinking ??

Screw the contractual thing. There's ways around that surely?

 

If it were me I would definitely go for it.

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Posted
What are you thinking ??

Screw the contractual thing. There's ways around that surely?

 

If it were me I would definitely go for it.

 

I could avoid any consequences specific to the job, but not long term. It is only my second position after finishing my MA, so dismissal or breach of contract would take a toll on my future positions, and kind of take away from all the study (which I f'n hated and had to force myself to finish) I have done.

 

Any future employer would be accessing every little bit of employment and personal history, no avoiding it.

 

I really want to go for it, but it seems ridiculous to even consider it given what it would cost me.

Posted

You did the right thing, it's over now

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Posted
You did the right thing, it's over now

 

Thank you noproblem, that is what I needed to hear.

Posted

I'm sorry this happened.

 

However, let this be a cautionary tale to anyone taking a job that requires you to sign away your right to romantic relationships.

 

I'm not convinced it's worth it...

  • Like 1
Posted
I'm sorry this happened.

 

However, let this be a cautionary tale to anyone taking a job that requires you to sign away your right to romantic relationships.

 

I'm not convinced it's worth it...

 

Oh, I am convinced it is.....

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
I'm sorry this happened.

 

However, let this be a cautionary tale to anyone taking a job that requires you to sign away your right to romantic relationships.

 

I'm not convinced it's worth it...

 

To be fair, I could look to the millions of other males in my area that weren't involved in my work.

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