Hopeful30 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I saw it coming. He proved himself unworthy more than once. Still hurts though.
LadyM Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I knew it wasn't for the long term, could tell by the way she talked and I knew deep down she wasn't right for me I could have written those same words! But I still loved him anyway. And I still hoped with all my heart and soul that things would somehow turn around.
BC1980 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I really didn't see it coming. We were going to the marriage counseling required by our church for engaged couples the next day. He actually told me the day before that he wanted to talk about what we were going to say in the counseling, so he had a team mate take his son to soccer. So we could have some time together. F@ck, it's pretty cold hearted. It has to go down as one of the more cold hearted ways to end things, letting me think we were finally getting married.
Raena Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I really didn't see it coming. We were going to the marriage counseling required by our church for engaged couples the next day. He actually told me the day before that he wanted to talk about what we were going to say in the counseling, so he had a team mate take his son to soccer. So we could have some time together. F@ck, it's pretty cold hearted. It has to go down as one of the more cold hearted ways to end things, letting me think we were finally getting married. Yeah, my ex did that one to me too. We weren't going to pre-cana though, he just talked about it and told me he was ready to get married that he just needed to save up money for a ring. Meanwhile... he called his ex-wife told her that I was pushing for marriage (I wasn't, he was) and that he didn't think he could do it because she hadn't gotten remarried yet. Oh and then proceeded to beg her to take him back. Oh and lets not forget about the fact that he had been cheating for a year and half prior with some skank. Oh the things I found out after Dday were just heart wrenching. I never knew anyone could be that cold, devious and deceptive. I certainly couldn't believe that the same man that had been telling me how happy he was and how much he loved me had really secretly been planning to rip my world apart and hurt me. He planned it. He told other people that he wanted to hurt me. I don't know why. I don't know what I did to deserve that hatred. I still don't and more than likely never will. All I know is I didn't deserve it.
shakenbake9 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I completely agree! The signs are always there--we choose to ignore them because we are hoping it'll turn around and he/she will realize how great we are. This has yet to happen (haha). The distancing first happens...then ******* comments....the communication dwindles...it almost cushions the blow once it officially ends because you saw it coming the whole time. But you still sit there mystified that its over---you go over (and i mean really analyze) how you acted, the times you had together, and you can't pin point where it went wrong. It's because YOU did nothing wrong. It was all the other person's issue. 1
somecamel Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I suppose I did see it coming, we had broken up in the past over things and issues I had with her but we always seemed to sort it out. We had a major bust up back in July 2012 and she tells me now she should have ended it then but she was selfish. I just can't beleive the way she done it by cheating on me, she knew how I felt about infidelity as she had been my rock when I had broken up with my first LTR 9 years ago previous. I've just had 6 months of being strung along, after reading the postings on here I can see now exactly what was happening, she was keeping me here in case it didn't work out for her up there. What a mess eh but have to look forward, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Monopoly Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I didn't see it coming at all. A week before breaking up, she was telling me how much she was happy to be with me, how no one else ever made her feel like this, how she couldn't wait for us to live together. Then she suddenly dumps me (online) without any explanation and vanishes.
somedude81 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) I was completely blindsided. No clue whatsoever that she was going to dump me or that she was unhappy at all. We never had a single argument. She even put together a cover story for when she was going to dump me. I thought she was coming over my place to stay a couple nights, but nope, she was planning on dumping me. She even brought over her big overnight to make things look normal and not have me freak out. Later on when we talked over text she actually apologized for dumping me so suddenly. Edited March 5, 2014 by somedude81
Hopeful30 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I always saw it coming but not because there were red flags, because I was always the one to do the breaking up. So of course, if you're thinking about it, you're aware of what's going to happen. My exes? I'm not sure if they knew how I felt. I'm pretty sure most of them had no idea, cuz I don't just turn cold and become mean. I still treat them with respect and kindness.
faithfully Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Oh i kinda knew and could see something coming. But yet choose to ignore the red flags coz i loved him. I ignored many signs like he only been single 3 months before me, had an arguement before our 1st date. Then 3 months into the relationship which i thought was weird. After his stressful job hunt, should have walked away after helping him when he refused to help me. Oh well glad we r no longer together as ive never been happier. I know i will meet a guy that will always be there and not run away at little problems
4everalones Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I always saw it coming but not because there were red flags, because I was always the one to do the breaking up. So of course, if you're thinking about it, you're aware of what's going to happen. My exes? I'm not sure if they knew how I felt. I'm pretty sure most of them had no idea, cuz I don't just turn cold and become mean. I still treat them with respect and kindness. Always the one doing the breaking up? I'm not sure if you're lucky or doomed.
4everalones Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 After his stressful job hunt, should have walked away after helping him when he refused to help me. That's exactly what happened to me. I helped him during his stressful job hunt. When it was his turn to help me, he just walked away because "I was too stressed, and he had his own problems to focus on". Oh well...
NomiMalone Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Yes and no. Yes because he'd been cold and distant for a week, and no because everything had been perfect before that. He'd been affectionate, persistent, kind and thoughtful, and spoke consistently of a future together. So, in the end, yes I am still floored, mostly by the way he ended it - by disappearing off the face of the earth.
somedude81 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Hmm, seems to be a good mix of people who had an idea that it was coming, and people who had no clue at all. One thing I do hope is that everybody who is reading this thread will not suddenly dump or mislead their partner when they feel they want to end the relationship. Please don't spread the suffering. 1
mattny Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 We had a falling out a year prior to the actual break up. I had told her then I was willing to walk due to my actions, I accepted the consequences. She said no, i still love you and lets work it out. But the sex changed, it wasnt passionate and crazy like it used to be. A quickie here or there, she wasnt in the mood, etc. Me being out of a job for months at a time put more stress on me to make up lost ground. I was miserable in whatever work I could find at a dealership (undercutting my pay, lousy hours) and she cried to me one night saying if I couldnt find a job that was stable she couldnt do this anymore. Mind you she lives at home as a nurse making well over 80k a year. Im a blue collar guy, was doing automotive for 14 years until the market finally put it in the tank here in NY. She supported me from time to time but I could tell she was holding it in the back of her mind. We went on vacation anyway with what $ I had left, and a month later we split. I would have saved that money instead of wasting it like that. At the lowest point in my life, struggling with a job and being down all the time and broke, she decided to cut ties and move on. I landed the career of a lifetime 3 weeks after the breakup. I dont have to worry anymore. I have benefits and retirement. But im still 20k in the hole trying to pay off debt from always going out all the time. The more I think about it, the more I feel used. Cuse when i was making serious $$ there wasnt an issue. Then when times got tough she packed it up. Yet when times were rough for her I stuck with it and supported her. The biggest flag was the ultimatum she issued about finding a job or else. I should have axed it right there because you never give your partner an ultimatum, because it means you already have a breakup on your mind. Ive lost my humor, my wit, my carefree personality. Its hard not to be jaded. I turned around to become a better person because of her, and improve my financial position...I did it all for her and the fact that I needed to pull my weight in the relationship. It all feels moot now, but I have to remind myself Im doing it for me. The next few years are going to be extremely difficult. Went from averaging 65-80 a year to 34. But in the long run things will turn out for the better, its just really tough to swing bills and rent on $18/hr. Most of my jadedness comes from the fact that shes going on with her new bf and always going out to concerts/restaurants etc...I canr believe I fell for someone whos practically a gold digger.
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