lucy_in_disguise Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 I went on first date today with OLD guy and I am smitten. It's crazy how closely he matches my ideals. I am aware relationships are about more than looking good on paper but it sure helps when someone is already living their life to your specifications. I am not sure the feeling was mutual though. The conversation flowed easily and our lunch lasted about 2 hours. But I was initially very nervous and subsequently on an adrenaline high. I am not sure how I came off. Not to mention it is difficult to know what a stranger is looking for. Our conversation revolved around our jobs, professional interests, current events, and our families. In retrospect I wish I had tried to flirt more, or incorporate some emotional bonding rather than just intellectual. Our date ended with my thanking him for lunch (yes I did offer to pay), him offering me a ride home which I refused as it was just a few blocks, and a hug. I was very attracted to him but kissing a stranger IMO is weird. Especially outside a restaurant, in broad daylight. Will I her from him? What is the timeline I can expect here? Not that I have a problem with being forward, but in my last few relationships, I was always doing all the taking charge. I would like to set a different tone by letting the next guy lead in the beginning. This is why I don't plan on contacting him. 1
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 What site are you using? Eharmony He has my cell number tho 1
jefermelesyeux Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 personally, i'd say it's ok for the guy to take up to a few (maybe 3 or 4) days to contact you. but that said, everyone operates differently in this aspect. may i ask how old the two of you are? some guys like not seeming too eager, or having the woman "chase" them- these seem to vary with age. or, on other occasions, the guy likes to gauge the girl's interest level by seeing if she'll reach out first. was there talk of a second date?
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Eharmony He has my cell number tho I should add that finding this guy was probably a fluke. There's no one else so far I am interested in.
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 personally, i'd say it's ok for the guy to take up to a few (maybe 3 or 4) days to contact you. but that said, everyone operates differently in this aspect. may i ask how old the two of you are? some guys like not seeming too eager, or having the woman "chase" them- these seem to vary with age. or, on other occasions, the guy likes to gauge the girl's interest level by seeing if she'll reach out first. was there talk of a second date? We are both late twenties. There was not talk of a second date. There was talk about how we are both busy with work and studying for the rest of the weekend. He seemed very formal in his previous communications. If he contacts me again, I think it will be with a phone call, and most likely tomorrow night.
harrybrown Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 If you are interested, send him a text. Let him know that you are interested in seeing him again. Why make him guess?
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Eharmony He has my cell number tho I don't know why I wasted time with any other sites. It's like every guy that contacts me on there is exactly according to my specifications As for your date; I tend to send a text after a good date. Along the lines of I had a good time without asking to see him again. I'm impatient so his response helps me gauge his interest level. 1
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 If you are interested, send him a text. Let him know that you are interested in seeing him again. Why make him guess? Because he seems a little bit old fashioned. Also because I did all the leading in my prior relationships, and over time it became an issue for me. I am by nature impatient and somewhat aggressive, but I am looking for a partner who will take initiative. To find him, I am thinking I need to start giving guys opportunities to lead. 1
OhThatGirl Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) Awwww. I'm very happy you found someone you're excited about. I'm in that boat too (eHarmony as well!) I've had 2 dates with someone I am really interested in. He had a trip planned and should be back tomorrow so I'm hoping things haven't cooled off while he was out of the country.. I know exactly what you mean about the conversation. This new guy and I both work in healthcare so I feel like that's our safety conversation. I'm nervous I'm not spending enough time asking him about HIM and instead we swap fun work stories. Funny when we are really interested in someone how we pick apart everything we did/said huh? Historically if no future plans have been discussed but I'd like to see him again I will send a text saying "Thank you again for lunch, I had a great time meeting you" or something. A quick thanks and telling him I enjoyed it is usually enough to reassure him another date is welcome. I do leave it in his court to ask for a second date though. Good luck! Edited March 2, 2014 by OhThatGirl 2
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) I'm pretty sure I've been rejected. I sent a text this morning thanking him again for lunch and letting him know I enjoyed meeting him. He texted back, "Me too. Have a great week." Obviously, the lack of enthusiasm/ follow up means I won't be seeing him again. I am bummed. Rejection hurts. I feel like I am always falling for guys like him, and they never like me back. Guys like him: well-mannered, well-educated, intellectual, ambitious, introverted. Preppy but not quite a WASP - not religious enough. Nerdy but definitely possessing of social graces. I have been around people like him my whole life without ever feeling part of the group. Intellectually, I think I can hang, but something about me is off-putting. I feel like I am missing some memo about how to behave correctly. I definitely have a trashy side - I don't even know where i picked it up - and it seems to shine through no matter how hard I try. In other words, what I believe I am missing, is class. Unfortunately, that's not so easy to fake. Class isn't simply a measure of intelligence, good looks, or money. It is a mindset and a cultural identity. Many men value it highly, and i do not have it. Anyways. Dating sucks. Edited March 2, 2014 by lucy_in_disguise
Mo_Do Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 I'm pretty sure I've been rejected. I sent a text this morning thanking him again for lunch and letting him know I enjoyed meeting him. He texted back, "Me too. Have a great week." Obviously, the lack of enthusiasm/ follow up means I won't be seeing him again. I am bummed. Rejection hurts. I feel like I am always falling for guys like him, and they never like me back. Guys like him: well-mannered, well-educated, intellectual, ambitious, introverted. Preppy but not quite a WASP - not religious enough. Nerdy but definitely possessing of social graces. I have been around people like him my whole life without ever feeling part of the group. Intellectually, I think I can hang, but something about me is off-putting. I feel like I am missing some memo about how to behave correctly. I definitely have a trashy side - I don't even know where i picked it up - and it seems to shine through no matter how hard I try. In other words, what I believe I am missing, is class. Unfortunately, that's not so easy to fake. Class isn't simply a measure of intelligence, good looks, or money. It is a mindset and a cultural identity. Many men value it highly, and i do not have it. Anyways. Dating sucks. Leave your heart out of it Lucy - your future aspirations with this guy got ahead of where you were. Get that under control and dating will be less painful.
abby_tx Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 His text response sounds exactly like the response from an eharmony guy I went on a first date with. I was really into the guy, thanked him for coffee via text, and he sent me a similar text. I'm sorta guessing you will never hear from him again. That's what happened with me.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Few months back I went on a date with this gorgeous, smart E-harmony guy that was a single dad. Somehow, we didn't quite click - I could sense a lack of interest on his side. I really liked him though and he rejected me in pretty much the same way. I have been afraid to actually meet up with anyone from E-harmony again...despite corresponding with a few guys that I liked. I have been meeting up and rejecting OKC loserly/creepy guys ever since. I don't handle rejection well so I go for low hanging fruit And the theme of my life has been that I am not my type's type. I can't put my finger on why.
Mo_Do Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Few months back I went on a date with this gorgeous, smart E-harmony guy that was a single dad. Somehow, we didn't quite click - I could sense a lack of interest on his side. I really liked him though and he rejected me in pretty much the same way. I have been afraid to actually meet up with anyone from E-harmony again...despite corresponding with a few guys that I liked. I have been meeting up and rejecting OKC loserly/creepy guys ever since. I don't handle rejection well so I go for low hanging fruit And the theme of my life has been that I am not my type's type. I can't put my finger on why. Keep dating and don't get so attached to these people before hand. Keep the online chat minimal as to not become virtually married before even meeting. I speak from experience The more you chat online = a bigger hole you dig that you have to climb out of when it doesn't go well after meeting - which is more than 50% of the time. Chat away - but leave the personal details (which form bonds) out of it.
pickflicker Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 If you told him you had a good time, then leave the messaging up to him. He's the guy. One you him do the leading/pursuing, you'll be surprised how drama-free your dating life becomes.
pickflicker Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I'm pretty sure I've been rejected. I sent a text this morning thanking him again for lunch and letting him know I enjoyed meeting him. He texted back, "Me too. Have a great week." Obviously, the lack of enthusiasm/ follow up means I won't be seeing him again. I am bummed. Rejection hurts. I feel like I am always falling for guys like him, and they never like me back. Guys like him: well-mannered, well-educated, intellectual, ambitious, introverted. Preppy but not quite a WASP - not religious enough. Nerdy but definitely possessing of social graces. I have been around people like him my whole life without ever feeling part of the group. Intellectually, I think I can hang, but something about me is off-putting. I feel like I am missing some memo about how to behave correctly. I definitely have a trashy side - I don't even know where i picked it up - and it seems to shine through no matter how hard I try. In other words, what I believe I am missing, is class. Unfortunately, that's not so easy to fake. Class isn't simply a measure of intelligence, good looks, or money. It is a mindset and a cultural identity. Many men value it highly, and i do not have it. Anyways. Dating sucks. You should have told him on the first date that you had fun and that you hoped to see him again. Instead, you made excuses about how busy you are. Next time, tell the guy you had a good time and let him contact you for the second date. And you're absolutely right, if you want an alpha dog, you gotta let him do the work.
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 I did tell him on the first date that I had fun. We went out to lunch at a tavern famous for its wide selection of beer on tap. I wasn't sure how to handle the drinking situation (appropriateness given location vs. time of day) but the fact that he was late settled the issue for me. I had a drink at the bar while waiting for him. Then we were seated and he ordered a beer, too. We were having what I thought was a great time. I made sure to drink 2 glasses of water per my drink but still finished mine first. When the server approached and asked if I wanted another drink, I asked e.h. Dude if he'd be having another. He said no- I have I drive - but you go ahead. At that point I didn't really want to be drinking alone, but felt kind of put on the spot. I ordered a drink with very low alcohol content. At this point we were both done with our food. I had been enjoying myself, but began to notice he seemed to be waiting for me to finish so that he could bounce. He brought up being busy. Since he is in school and works, weekends, he said, are for homework. I am still studying for professional examinations so I sympathized. I didn't mean for it to come off as, I'm too busy to date. Outside the restaurant as we parted ways, I thanked him for lunch (again) and clearly stated that I has a great time. Since I had obviously been enjoying myself (thanks in part to my unintentional buzz) I didn't think I needed to state that I would like to do it again. I think I was clear re: my interest, but he wasn't that into me. Maybe he thought I was an alcoholic for ordering beer at 12:30. In my defense, he did pick the venue- if he has a problem with alcohol he should have suggested a coffee shop or a park. Oh well- on to the next!
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