iDrumKing Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Tonight I caved. I was 1 month into NC and called her just a while ago. I've had so much stress guys I'm sorry. I've been having panic attacks, I've been worried about work and school, dad lost his job, Grandmother passed away tonight. I had a weak moment. She was my support system and I found comfort. I'm sorry to those who gave me advice to move on and I just caved in. I was weak and I begged for her to come back. She denied it. Now I REALLY know that it's over not just because she was done, but because I was done. Giving my dad a hug in this tough time has given me strength. I will no longer worry about what I don't have (my ex,) but what I do have. I just needed to vent... Thank you for reading.
CadeYeager Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Dude don't you dare apologize to anyone. That's some freaking stress. You are human. Don't say you don't have support either, we are here for you. Sorry about your Grandmother, it's a hard thing to go through. Keep your head high 2
blacknoir Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 As CadeYeager said, you're human. Don't apologize - you're going to start over with NC, and you're going to move on. You fall, you get back up. You fall, you get back up AGAIN. Keep walking forward, for YOU. You can do this. A lot of us are in similar situations. We were there for that person when they needed support, and they left us when we needed it the most. You have support here. 2
barky2 Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Dude believe me, I've broken nc more time than anyone on here. Don't apologize to us or yourself. And the reason being is now you know you have to move on. Now you know it's over. If anything you breaking nc was a good thing. Today starts the first true day of nc and moving on. Congrats! Barky 3
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Dude believe me, I've broken nc more time than anyone on here. Don't apologize to us or yourself. And the reason being is now you know you have to move on. Now you know it's over. If anything you breaking nc was a good thing. Today starts the first true day of nc and moving on. Congrats! Barky I agree, breaking nc isnt necessarily a bad thing as long as the pattern is not repeated. I broke it last week by sending a dumb little text knowing I wouldn't get a response. The good that came out of it is I was completely indifferent regarding whether or not she responded. Cheer up and don't apologize because you reached out to someone that you felt comfortable. It shows you have a hear. You've got a lot on your plate right now so take it one day at a time. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Yeah, you don't owe anything to us. We're just anonymous peeps on a message board. The only person you need to justify your actions to is yourself. Either way, no harm done -- just don't keep breaking it, because you see what happens when you do. 1
4everalones Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 First, I'm so sorry for your loss! Second, I think breaking NC in this case was a good thing. It crashed all remaining false hope, and now you're ready to move on. I broke NC after a month (against the advice given to me here), and I am glad I did. Even though I was in NC, I was still holding on to hope and just couldn't let go. When I met my ex, he was cold and distant, and I could see that he has fully moved on and burned that bridge. This killed most of the false hopes and made me more accepting of the breakup. I started NC again, and it's still hard. But every time I have the urge to break it, I remind myself of what happened last time I broke it after a month. Don't apologize, learn from your mistakes, pick up the pieces and start moving on. 1
Author iDrumKing Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 First, I'm so sorry for your loss! When I met my ex, he was cold and distant, and I could see that he has fully moved on and burned that bridge. This killed most of the false hopes and made me more accepting of the breakup. I'm right there with you. Everyday is tough and I know she isn't going to leave my thoughts instantly. That's just not possible. My ex was just like what you described when you contacted yours. No emotion. Cold. It really felt like I was talking to a stranger.
Trimmer Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 As others have appropriately pointed out, you don't owe any apologies. This whole process is for you. And has also been mentioned, maybe it had a positive effect in your journey. The "problem" with breaking NC is that often it sets you back - back into a cycle of longing, wishing, bargaining, hurting. In your case, it may have hurt a little bit, but it sounds like it propelled you forward. Heck, nothing wrong with that. The real issue isn't "never, ever, break NC", the issue is: "don't set yourself back." Usually, the way to accomplish that is to never break NC, ha ha.... But in your case, in the big picture, it sounds like you came out OK, right? Good for you! Once you've been burned by a stove, it's not pathological to want to reach out once to check if it's still hot. The problem comes when you keep putting your hand back on it and getting burned over and over again. 1
David87 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Sorry for your loss, this is definitely a low point in your life, but the good news is that after the rain comes the sun. Better days are coming soon friend and don't beat yourself too hard for breaking NC, it happens.
Author iDrumKing Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 It's been a little over a month of NC. I from time to time feel down thinking about my ex, but it's not as hard as it was 2-3 weeks ago. I no longer have hopes of getting back together, I really wouldn't care if she was dating someone new, and I'm tired of grieving. Isn't there a biological side of being in a relationship? Maybe the hormone associated with it decreasing allowing me to move on? What stage do you think I'm at?
Zahara Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I don't think the process goes through the stages step by step. I think it's random and you'll jump from one stage to another as you go through the process. 2-3 weeks NC is still a fresh break-up. I don't believe indifference comes around so quickly. Indifference comes when you won't even bother posting on here anymore or even talking about her. A month from now you will probably jump to sadness again or even anger. Six months from now you'll probably revisit depression. It's not a perfect step by step process. It would be best to just take one day at a time and try not to narrow it down to a stage because you're rushing to get to the finish line. 3
Author iDrumKing Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 I don't think the process goes through the stages step by step. I think it's random and you'll jump from one stage to another as you go through the process. 2-3 weeks NC is still a fresh break-up. I don't believe indifference comes around so quickly. Indifference comes when you won't even bother posting on here anymore or even talking about her. A month from now you will probably jump to sadness again or even anger. Six months from now you'll probably revisit depression. It's not a perfect step by step process. It would be best to just take one day at a time and try not to narrow it down to a stage because you're rushing to get to the finish line. Wow.... you're right. You make very good points. I guess I'm CONVINCING myself that I'm over it, instead of just going through these feelings and accepting them. 1
Zahara Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Wow.... you're right. You make very good points. I guess I'm CONVINCING myself that I'm over it, instead of just going through these feelings and accepting them. It's normal iDK. I remember after my break-ups, I would go on the internet, pull up the list and try and figure out what stage I was at. I was rushing the process. Trying to run away from it. Trying to get over it. I'd convince myself that I was almost at the end. I had to get to indifference because that's the best feeling to have, right. That would mean I'm free! But sadly, 6 months later I'd hit a low. But, but...I was at indifference? You're going to jump randomly between stages. Don't rush it. Don't even check the list! Just focus on the now, what you have to do today to make it through and take it one step at a time. It's a slow process but you'll get there. 1
somecamel Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 I have a great example of indifference. The mother of my child who I was in love with nearly ten years ago and broke me into two when we split up has just been around for a coffee with my son, to be honest she's been doing this a lot since she found out me and the ex had split but I'm not interested in her like that anymore, she's had plenty of relationships after me and I suppose I've got to the stage where I want her to be happy but I'm not that person who has to make her happy anymore. To be fair it didn't take me 10 years to get to that stage but just as an example that it will come 1
Author iDrumKing Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 Don't rush it. Don't even check the list! Just focus on the now, what you have to do today to make it through and take it one step at a time. It's a slow process but you'll get there. Great advice and I will definitely take it. Thank you Zahara. 1
EuTuBrute Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 It def is a slow process... I'm nearing a year now post BU. I still cycle through some stages now and then, but the intensity is no where near of what it was fresh post BU. I like yourself broke NC (6 months out), and i had my ex wanting to meet up with me. She however at the last minute cancelled on me using some lame excess. It was A blessing. It propelled me to move on.
3j15 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 Tonight I caved. I was 1 month into NC and called her just a while ago. I was weak and I begged for her to come back. She denied it. Now I REALLY know that it's over not just because she was done, but because I was done. Giving my dad a hug in this tough time has given me strength. I will no longer worry about what I don't have (my ex,) but what I do have. I just needed to vent... Thank you for reading. So IDK, i gotta ask, after going one month NC, you decided to give it one last go? I think it was a mistake begging for her back, but hey emotions sometimes get the better of us. And at least now you have your answer. I feel like you did the right thing, because it's killing me not knowing whether or not I do have a shot. Now you can move on, look at the positives in your life appreciate your friends and family and go back to who you were before you met your ex.
Author iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 So IDK, i gotta ask, after going one month NC, you decided to give it one last go? I think it was a mistake begging for her back, but hey emotions sometimes get the better of us. And at least now you have your answer. I feel like you did the right thing, because it's killing me not knowing whether or not I do have a shot. Now you can move on, look at the positives in your life appreciate your friends and family and go back to who you were before you met your ex. Yeah I had an EXTREMELY weak moment I guess. Stress from school, work, family. Then I gotta worry about getting over a gf and the passing of my grandmother. When you lose a partner, you lose a support system. When that support system isn't there anymore, it's tough.
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