Musing Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Warning: I am currently feeling bitter. Just wanted to throw that out there. Why do people bother falling in love with someone knowing there is a good chance that if it doesn't work out, this person will be a total stranger again? Why put fourth the effort of getting involved when it's that fleeting? Why wouldn't you just stay friends? Why do we get so attached one minute, then want nothing more to do with them the next? Why do we leave people in the past that meant so much to us at one point? How do we just replace the once "irreplaceable"? Does it not cheapen the idea of love? Is love actually a thing, or just an incentive from nature to procreate with someone? Discuss.
JourneyLady Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Warning: I am currently feeling bitter. Just wanted to throw that out there. I hear ya there... Why do people bother falling in love with someone knowing there is a good chance that if it doesn't work out, this person will be a total stranger again? Why put fourth the effort of getting involved when it's that fleeting? Why wouldn't you just stay friends? To the first question, because there is an equal chance that it will work out. I don't find that the other person is ever a "total" stranger - though they may go through changes in the meantime that I am unacquainted with. As for not staying friends... Usually because one of the parties still feels attachment and it's torture to feel attached to someone who just wants to be a friend and not a lover or partner. That's what no contact is for. Sometimes after a lot of time we re-attach to someone else and that's where there is sometimes the possibility of friendship. However there are risks to that: of re-kindling what we had originally with that person. Why do we get so attached one minute, then want nothing more to do with them the next? See above. For instance, I just told someone goodbye because I sensed I was not ever going to be a priority in his life. I don't want to see him anymore, because I was already turning down dates with others more persistent, because I was hoping things would work out between us. I'd be holding onto hope if he was still in my life. Why do we leave people in the past that meant so much to us at one point? How do we just replace the once "irreplaceable"? Love can sometimes be unconditional, but relationship is not. Usually there is some behavior involved which makes being with that partner impossible. If they are not willing and/or able to change it, then one has to move on. Does it not cheapen the idea of love? Actually no. Fulfilling and mutual love is a rare thing, like a diamond, that we have to dig through a number of people in order to find... How rare it is depends on the uniqueness of the people involved. Is love actually a thing, or just an incentive from nature to procreate with someone? Discuss. From my point of view, relationships are what we learn from. The ones we enter sort of guide us to our ultimate destiny as it were. I do believe we have "contracts" with others in order to experience or learn certain lessons -- that we are largely unaware of. Normally we attract those qualities we either like in ourselves or need to develop. It makes for some interesting matches. :-) In the end, the more whole we are, the more whole are the people we attract to ourselves.
Shepp Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Cause if you don't roll the dice you never win the jackpot! You can roll and lose, but learn You can fold and never know Or you can roll and you might just get everything you wanted Human nature is to get up an throw one more time! 3
gaius Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 You could use that attitude to justify not doing anything with life. Why bother getting in shape when you're just going to get old some day and get arthritis? My relationships usually only last about 1-2 years a pop and they can be hideously painful when they end but the ride along the way makes it all worth it. By a long shot. I wouldn't trade those memories and feelings for anything. I couldn't imagine laying on my death bed never having gotten to experience any of that.
melell Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 ^^^^^This x 1000000 But also because I don't think it can be avoided, it is almost as though it is instinct. So many times I say to myself 'whats the point', whether it be about health, career, even decorating a house I could go on and on, but it never takes long for me to be back working towards something in one way or another. It happens automatically. I think 'love' is the same. Even if we avoid it, or try to create a rationale to take away from how meaningful it is; in the moment I think almost everyone would embrace it and throw that 'whats the point' mentality away. Almost automatically. I have seen it so many times, in people of all ages. They will be hurt, disappointed, feel hopeless, life is gone etc etc, but then someone comes along and they embrace it all over again. So I kind of think avoiding it is really hard, regardless of how we think about it? I am not too sure, it seems like love is an activity like many others, more than something independent we experience. 1
BradJacobs Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Why do people bother falling in love with someone knowing there is a good chance that if it doesn't work out, this person will be a total stranger again? Why put fourth the effort of getting involved when it's that fleeting? Why wouldn't you just stay friends? Everything in your life is fleeting. You didn't control how your life began and you have limited control on where and how it ends. What you do control are those fleeting moments in between life and death. Why do I allow myself to fall in love? Because I choose to be happy in those moments.
hotpotato Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 You could use that attitude to justify not doing anything with life. Why bother getting in shape when you're just going to get old some day and get arthritis? My relationships usually only last about 1-2 years a pop and they can be hideously painful when they end but the ride along the way makes it all worth it. By a long shot. I wouldn't trade those memories and feelings for anything. I couldn't imagine laying on my death bed never having gotten to experience any of that. Physical health is something people have control over, relationships are not. For example, it's not easy to be older and stay in shape, but dedicated people do. However, most people will be less physically active after high school. Relationships are not like most things in life. Relationships are not a meritocracy.
gaius Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Physical health is something people have control over, relationships are not. For example, it's not easy to be older and stay in shape, but dedicated people do. However, most people will be less physically active after high school. Relationships are not like most things in life. Relationships are not a meritocracy. I dunno potato, I think you can work at relationships. It takes a certain skillset and desire to be with someone in order to prosper, just like any other area of life. Doesnt come easy or naturally to many but a lot of people have trouble putting muscle on too. Haven't seen a thread from you in a bit what you been up to?
hotpotato Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Warning: I am currently feeling bitter. Just wanted to throw that out there. Why do people bother falling in love with someone knowing there is a good chance that if it doesn't work out, this person will be a total stranger again? Sometimes people stay in each other's lives even after the breakup. For example, I'm best friends with an ex. Why put fourth the effort of getting involved when it's that fleeting? Why wouldn't you just stay friends? I dont think people want to believe their relationship will be fleeting. People get caught in the moment, and feel hopeful and excited about having a future with that person. Why do we get so attached one minute, then want nothing more to do with them the next? Relationships issues will do that! Why do we leave people in the past that meant so much to us at one point? How do we just replace the once "irreplaceable"? Does it not cheapen the idea of love? Sometimes people do not understand what they are leaving behind. Sometimes it's hard to appreciate what we have now. Yes, I think it does cheapen love. Some people are unappreciative, not very loyal, dishonest. It's best to stay away from them if you can. Is love actually a thing, or just an incentive from nature to procreate with someone? Discuss. Evolutionary biologists would say so. Many people are in limerance for the first 2-3 years, which is long enough for a child to become less dependent.
Targetlock Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 no risk, no reward you got to play the game in order to win!!
hotpotato Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I dunno potato, I think you can work at relationships. It takes a certain skillset and desire to be with someone in order to prosper, just like any other area of life. Doesnt come easy or naturally to many but a lot of people have trouble putting muscle on too. Haven't seen a thread from you in a bit what you been up to? One certainly can work at relationships. I just wonder how much it matters in the end. Working at relationships isn't the same as working at most other things in life, imo. With other things, they dont usually just abruptly end after months or years of hard work or dedication.
Author Musing Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 You all make really good points, I guess after having gotten burned from an experience that I put my heart into, it makes it difficult to want to go through it again. Whenever people got dumped or divorced and said they never wanted to love again to save themselves from getting hurt, I always wondered why until it happened to me. I've had relationships end but the relationships were not that long nor great to begin with. This last guy had potential and that's what gets me the most. My mother says women tend to forget or gloss over the pain of child birth and it is done so women would be okay with the idea of going through it again. I suppose it is the same with love, infatuation, heartbreak - we tend to not remember the pain as intensely so we can try again. It's just a cruddy period I'm going through and I'm trying to make sense of it all.
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