MyMantra Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 So heres the story: I'm 21 and I work for an organization that gets a pool of money together to give out to college students in need of the money. I'm in charge of picking the specific person awarded with the money. I was assigned to look into all students in need of money of a specific restaurant my ex girlfriend was working at. She and I are are still in college BTW. We dated for 2 years. She happen to have dumped me because she "wasn't happy." After reaching out my arm to her to help her, she walked out on me. We haven't talked since. Back to the story... Knew she was in debt and the money could help her out, but a good friend of mine worked there also who was in a deeper hole than she was. When I got to the restaurant, the entire staff got together to see who won the scholarship. I was presenting it and I chose my friend, not only because I secretly wanted to not give my ex the money, but given his finical situation is deep. After the awards I got in my car, I started to get texts and calls from my ex. She was furious that she didn't get the money. She said "I thought you cared about me! You now how bad I needed the money!" Fact of the matter is, my friend was in deeper finical problems than my ex and all other candidates who applied. They did fill out forms to prove it. As immature and bad as it sounds, me denying her was icing on the cake. She believes that I have loyalty to her. I don't. Now she won't stop giving me crap about it. Even her friends are blowing up my phone. What should I do?
TaraMaiden Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Ignore them completely. You gave the money to your friend for legitimate reasons. Don't let her guilt-trip you into replying, responding or reacting. However, that little streak of mean 'schadenfreude' you have, going there? Get rid of it. It's low, and it doesn't become you. Grow up.
Author MyMantra Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Ignore them completely. You gave the money to your friend for legitimate reasons. Don't let her guilt-trip you into replying, responding or reacting. However, that little streak of mean 'schadenfreude' you have, going there? Get rid of it. It's low, and it doesn't become you. Grow up. You're right. I'm given the position to make someones life easier. I shouldn't abuse it an get pleasure out of someones' misfortune. Thank you for helping
CarrieT Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 One of the few times I disagree with Tara. I think the OP should have recused himself and advised the organization that he personally knew the people involved in the potential award and that someone else should make the decision on who got the money. Now that it is a done deal, the OP is screwed and there is little that can be done. 1
Author MyMantra Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 One of the few times I disagree with Tara. I think the OP should have recused himself and advised the organization that he personally knew the people involved in the potential award and that someone else should make the decision on who got the money. Now that it is a done deal, the OP is screwed and there is little that can be done. Well that wouldn't be necessary though. My decision isn't based on my opinion of who and who shouldn't at all. It's just my responsibility to get the numbers in line with a candidate's income, and I just hand them out. There wasn't an issue of conflict of interest or anything. My work with the numbers is double checked by my higher ups anyways.
TaraMaiden Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 One of the few times I disagree with Tara. I think the OP should have recused himself and advised the organization that he personally knew the people involved in the potential award and that someone else should make the decision on who got the money. Now that it is a done deal, the OP is screwed and there is little that can be done. Oh damn, yeah..... I didn't think of him being able to do that. In which case - we're in agreement. I too would have said this was a more correct plan of action....
TaraMaiden Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Well that wouldn't be necessary though. My decision isn't based on my opinion of who and who shouldn't at all. It's just my responsibility to get the numbers in line with a candidate's income, and I just hand them out. There wasn't an issue of conflict of interest or anything. My work with the numbers is double checked by my higher ups anyways. Doesn't matter. You should have said: I know these two people well. I really don't feel comfortable doing this, and my decision would be biased." But it's a bit late for that now. As Carrie says, you're in a fix now, dude.....
iDrumKing Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 My advice? Just ignore it. Whats done is done. I'm not going to criticize you because I don't know the full extent of your position and job, so to advise a course of action for your job is not my place. I was beginning to think it was conflict of interest, but if you're double checked as you say then there's not much we can argue about that. Just next time when you're in a similar position, ASK to be taken out of the specific project. It'll save you drama down the road. 1
2sunny Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Simply tell her there was someone else who deserved it more based on the info submitted. 1
cupic Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Technically and legally speaking, what you have just described is a serious conflict of intrest, and I'm sure the organisation you work for has rules about people who can receive the money, and your personal relationship with them. If this was the case, you should have told your boss, said that two of the nomonies are personal friends/have past relationships, and had him or a commitee decide on the best candidate to receive the money. So, 1) you cant change what has been done, but you should learn from this. 2) you should tell your employer because if someone was sharp they could sue your organisation on that basis. 3) Money, Friends and Ex's dont mix, ever.
Author MyMantra Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Technically and legally speaking Like I said before, there's no conflict of interest. I get checked on the decision. My boss has final word going solely off of numbers. Not my advice, opinion, or anything. I'm basically the middleman delivering the news. The news just happened to be going to a place where my friend and ex worked.
CarrieT Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Than you have changed your story to this: My boss has final word going solely off of numbers. Not my advice, opinion, or anything. I'm basically the middleman delivering the news. From this: I'm in charge of picking the specific person awarded with the money. 2
bubbaganoosh Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Look.she dumped you and you gave the person who needed the money the most and that's what the program is supposed to do. Let her be pissed. Remember she's you ex and she broke up with you and where she gets the idea that you should be loyal to her is a joke. As far as her friends go, tell them to shove their opinion sideways. 1
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