Mbrown945 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Ex recently came back into my life. Was with her 5 years. She left me because she was tired of sleeping alone (I work overnights) and didn't spend enough time with her. Seems like a bad reason after 5 years. The RS had it's rocky moments. Weirdly this is the second time she's tired to come back. And both times were when I'm seeing someone. Should I give her a second chance? There's a ton of history there and a strong connection still
Guy On The Couch Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Ex recently came back into my life. Was with her 5 years. She left me because she was tired of sleeping alone (I work overnights) and didn't spend enough time with her. Seems like a bad reason after 5 years. The RS had it's rocky moments. Weirdly this is the second time she's tired to come back. And both times were when I'm seeing someone. Should I give her a second chance? There's a ton of history there and a strong connection still I think there is deeper reasons for her leaving you, it's not as simple as you state IMO. Secondly the reason she is coming back could very well be due to you already in a relationship with someone. And finally that is entirely up to you whether or not you want to venture back down that path, although it seems you might be considering it due to your reassurance.
Author Mbrown945 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 I think there is deeper reasons for her leaving you, it's not as simple as you state IMO. Secondly the reason she is coming back could very well be due to you already in a relationship with someone. And finally that is entirely up to you whether or not you want to venture back down that path, although it seems you might be considering it due to your reassurance. I'm very very unsure. I connect with her. But that's bc it was 5 years. What if she leaves again?
Guy On The Couch Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I'm very very unsure. I connect with her. But that's bc it was 5 years. What if she leaves again? Why even give someone the option to leave again? If your really wanting advice on the matter, I would really not travel down that path again. 1
Author Mbrown945 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Why even give someone the option to leave again? If your really wanting advice on the matter, I would really not travel down that path again. She told me she misses me and can't find a connection with anyone else like she had with me. Past few months she's been traveling and going out. Took 9 months to realize she messed up?
TaraMaiden Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I'm very very unsure. I connect with her. But that's bc it was 5 years. What if she leaves again? Exactly. never go back. This will be on your mind, or right at the back of it, for as long as you're with her, if you DO 'go back'. It's truly NOT a good idea to revisit past problems.... It's like I told someone else.... if you bought a pair of shoes, and they looked good, but in fact pinched, hurt, impeded how you walked, and made you hobble.... would you throw them into the back of the cupboard, and take them out a few months later - and still wear them? you tried that once before. The fit still wasn't good then, was it?
Author Mbrown945 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Exactly. never go back. This will be on your mind, or right at the back of it, for as long as you're with her, if you DO 'go back'. It's truly NOT a good idea to revisit past problems.... It's like I told someone else.... if you bought a pair of shoes, and they looked good, but in fact pinched, hurt, impeded how you walked, and made you hobble.... would you throw them into the back of the cupboard, and take them out a few months later - and still wear them? you tried that once before. The fit still wasn't good then, was it? I like this analogy thank you. Guess I'm thinking emotionally when I need to think logically
Author Mbrown945 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 I like this analogy thank you. Guess I'm thinking emotionally when I need to think logically Do you think there is a possibility she's back because she truly thinks she made a mistake and never got over me? Or no
soccerrprp Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Ugh. You're both effed up. Neither of you will see LT happiness in your lives as long as you two remain in each other's lives like this. It's not love, it's an unhealthy co-dependency.
TaraMaiden Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 No. She comes back because she doesn't want you - but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. How else would she keep reappearing when you just happen to be with someone else....?
Author Mbrown945 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 No. She comes back because she doesn't want you - but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. How else would she keep reappearing when you just happen to be with someone else....? But why would she say things like she never got over me or connected with anyone like me if she didn't want me
Author Mbrown945 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Ugh. You're both effed up. Neither of you will see LT happiness in your lives as long as you two remain in each other's lives like this. It's not love, it's an unhealthy co-dependency. Isn't codependency to an extent healthy in a relationship
soccerrprp Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 But why would she say things like she never got over me or connected with anyone like me if she didn't want me Think man. It's b/c she knows such words will lure you in. And it did (does). How else is she going to manipulate you?
Author Mbrown945 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Think man. It's b/c she knows such words will lure you in. And it did (does). How else is she going to manipulate you? I just don't think she's like that. She's not that superficial to get mad just because I'm with someone
Author Mbrown945 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 I just don't think she's like that. She's not that superficial to get mad just because I'm with someone Maybe she is but my emotions are clouding my judgment
soccerrprp Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 ...emotions are clouding my judgment Happens all the time with people.
Kelemvor Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 EVERY relationship ends for a very good reason. Individuals, in general, put an enormous amount of thought and emotional assessment into the decision to leave a relationship. Hindsight is rarely accurate or objective. You have a tendency to see people in a more favorable light than you saw them on the day of their departure. This works both ways as the other person tends to see you more favorable also. There are many red flags with this situation. Don't go back to her. If it makes you feel any better, I once went back to an old flame that I had dated for 5 years. We got married. We divorced 2 years later. I learned the value of my own advice.
Author Mbrown945 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 EVERY relationship ends for a very good reason. Individuals, in general, put an enormous amount of thought and emotional assessment into the decision to leave a relationship. Hindsight is rarely accurate or objective. You have a tendency to see people in a more favorable light than you saw them on the day of their departure. This works both ways as the other person tends to see you more favorable also. There are many red flags with this situation. Don't go back to her. If it makes you feel any better, I once went back to an old flame that I had dated for 5 years. We got married. We divorced 2 years later. I learned the value of my own advice. Very true. I guess my emotions are taking over. A close female friend told me that when she left her ex bf of 4 years she thought about her decision for a couple months before as did it. She also stated after that long you know the person and know if you want to be wih someone I know I should take everyone's advice but it's easier said than done
Author Mbrown945 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 I guess I see sometimes things work with exes and maybe I'm that small percent that will work
Author Mbrown945 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Happens all the time with people. Am I crazy to think maybe it could work a second time around
Never Again Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Am I crazy to think maybe it could work a second time around You're not crazy, you're normal. Here's the thing: what's changed? If nothing's changed, why bother? To spin Tara's analogy a little - has anything changed significantly enough where this relationship would be sufficiently cobbled to actually fit this time without pinching or driving you mad? The point being, only you can decide if it's worth pursing...but you have to make sure that you're not going back to the pinchy shoes you were wearing, and you'll have to be secure enough to let go of your doubts and insecurities. Anything less, and you're walking into a trap. If she only reappears when you're dating someone knew, I'd be suspicious, personally.
Author Mbrown945 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 You're not crazy, you're normal. Here's the thing: what's changed? If nothing's changed, why bother? To spin Tara's analogy a little - has anything changed significantly enough where this relationship would be sufficiently cobbled to actually fit this time without pinching or driving you mad? The point being, only you can decide if it's worth pursing...but you have to make sure that you're not going back to the pinchy shoes you were wearing, and you'll have to be secure enough to let go of your doubts and insecurities. Anything less, and you're walking into a trap. If she only reappears when you're dating someone knew, I'd be suspicious, personally. It's too soon to see if she's changed. Is 9 months usually enough time to change? Reasons I'm skeptical. She seems to come back when I'm seeing someone else. Also her reasons for leaving (tired of sleeping alone) are terrible for such a long relationship
Darren Steez Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 But why would she say things like she never got over me or connected with anyone like me if she didn't want me Oh for heaven's sake man, someone slaps you in the face then says they are sorry then proceeds to smack in the face again harder and says sorry. Do you believe they are being sincere? Or are they're actions speaking more loudly than their words? She left you, comes back then leaves you again, all you are focused on is what she's saying not what she's been doing. Keep ignoring the stinging sensation of the smacking, all you hear are the "I'm sorrys"
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