Lying about age on online profile and possibley other things?

[Tina747]

Thank you all for the feedback. It has been very helpful in helping me sort this out. I honestly can't get past the one lie (and this early on). It's like it negated anything else I saw as positive and deflated all my interest. Agree, red flag. Now, anything he says, I'll wonder "Is this true this time?"....Funny, I wouldn't have cared that much about the age difference if he had just been honest about it.

[antonio1149]

LOL please. so you lie to get women more than a decade younger than you?

 

Ha ha. Reread my post. Even if I list an age a decade younger, I'm still mostly hearing from women who want a younger guy so they're as much as a decade *older* than my listed age. In other words, I have to lie just to get women in my "normal" target range (i.e., a few years younger).

 

If they don't wanna date more than 2 yrs older than them, who are you to decide they should anyway?

They can decide after they got to know me a little and I tell them my real age. I rarely get complaints.

 

I prefer guys my age (30) and would feel sick to my stomach if I found out I was dating/kissing a guy who was actually in his 40s

So if you met a guy, didn't immediately discuss ages, thought he looked about 35, thought he was very attractive, ended up kissing and enjoying it, and then found out he was actually 41, you would be repulsed? That's a little like me meeting someone I think is totally hot, having a great time including amazing physical chemistry, down the road finding out her father is African-American, and then rejecting her because I don't "date outside my race."

 

How far into dating do you tell them that you shaved ten years off your age?

If I think there's serious dating potential, I try to bring it up as soon as possible.

 

btw EVERYONE thinks they "look young" for their age. And will claim they are told so on a daily basis

Yes, a lot of people think that way. It's true for some, and some people are delusional. I let others be the judge.

[Mo_Do]

That guy is for sure married - I'll bet you a million dollars on it.

 

As far as internet dating - everyone lies, even you. Old pictures, the write ups - even what people are looking for - its all a facade.

 

Hence why the rate of success is so low...

[Mo_Do]

Thank you all for the feedback. It has been very helpful in helping me sort this out. I honestly can't get past the one lie (and this early on). It's like it negated anything else I saw as positive and deflated all my interest. Agree, red flag. Now, anything he says, I'll wonder "Is this true this time?"....Funny, I wouldn't have cared that much about the age difference if he had just been honest about it.

 

 

What's it you're not understanding?

 

He is going to come visit you, and have sex with you, when its convenient for him (and his wife, when she thinks he's somewhere else). That hasn't been able to happen yet.

[newmoon]

why is it that everyone thinks they look so much younger? geesh. you can't go back in time, you're not 20 or 30 or 40 anymore. just be what you are. men who lie downwards rarely look as young as they hope, and they don't even realize they are being eliminated from searches by younger women who are in fact looking for an older guy. wouldn't happen if people are just honest.

[BradJacobs]

They can decide after they got to know me a little and I tell them my real age. I rarely get complaints.

Game the system, right? Because playing by the rules gets you nowhere? It's dishonest, low and a bit creepy.

 

So if you met a guy, didn't immediately discuss ages, thought he looked about 35, thought he was very attractive, ended up kissing and enjoying it, and then found out he was actually 41, you would be repulsed? That's a little like me meeting someone I think is totally hot, having a great time including amazing physical chemistry, down the road finding out her father is African-American, and then rejecting her because I don't "date outside my race."

Though both are preferences you are manipulating the arguments to fit your agenda.

 

You are required (with most OLD sites) to state an age and state a dating age preference, which is how they build your pool of candidates and how others are able to see your profile as well. So most people are going into the initial communication stages/date thinking you are X when you are really Y.

 

In the scenario about races that is something you won't find out until you ask. It's an unknown. You might suspect X and it turns out to be Y but the point is that a lie wasn't established as the gateway to the initial meeting.

 

What is so scary about the truth? Afraid these women would pass you over and you'd have less dating activity?

 

I just don't get it. Dishonest people suck and you, sir, are a dishonest person.

[antonio1149]

I think it's tasteless to lie about your age or anything about yourself to someone who you see as a potential dating prospect. It's weird and shows a serious lack of confidence. Age is just a number why not be proud of who you are?

 

It has nothing to do with confidence. I'm quite confident in myself. I'm not confident, however, that OLD is a level playing field for men.

 

Age is somewhat subjective anyway--different people age differently. The number itself isn't a clear indication of a person's fitness, attractiveness, or vitality. I've had numerous younger women tell me I'm more attractive and much more physically fit than the guys they typically meet who are their age.

 

Lying about height would be a different story, because that's a clear, unambiguous number.

 

If I met a guy in person (I don't do OLD) and I really liked him in every single way, he had no flaws BUT I had found out he lied about his age I woul be turned off big time and would see it as a major red flag. I wouldn't lie about something so trivial so why not expect that from a potential partner?

In person is different. If I meet someone they typically get to assess my looks and personality before they find out my age, so that is just one factor in a sea of information. Online, you are instantly dismissed because of age. Most 38-year-old women doing OLD would filter out someone like George Clooney. Need I point out that there are many women in that age range who would be thrilled to date George Clooney?

[StanMusial]

It has nothing to do with confidence. I'm quite confident in myself. I'm not confident, however, that OLD is a level playing field for men.

 

Age is somewhat subjective anyway--different people age differently. The number itself isn't a clear indication of a person's fitness, attractiveness, or vitality. I've had numerous younger women tell me I'm more attractive and much more physically fit than the guys they typically meet who are their age.

 

Lying about height would be a different story, because that's a clear, unambiguous number.

 

In person is different. If I meet someone they typically get to assess my looks and personality before they find out my age, so that is just one factor in a sea of information. Online, you are instantly dismissed because of age. Most 38-year-old women doing OLD would filter out someone like George Clooney. Need I point out that there are many women in that age range who would be thrilled to date George Clooney?

 

Age is a clear, unambiguous number. Might as well lie about height if you're going to lie about age.

[antonio1149]

Game the system, right?

 

"The System" doesn't accommodate unusual circumstances and doesn't provide a level playing field. So I don't have a whole lot of guilt.

 

Because playing by the rules gets you nowhere? It's dishonest, low and a bit creepy.

That's not the usual reaction I get from women. After meeting me, they understand my rationale. There are exceptions, of course.

 

 

Though both are preferences you are manipulating the arguments to fit your agenda.

 

You are required (with most OLD sites) to state an age and state a dating age preference, which is how they build your pool of candidates and how others are able to see your profile as well. So most people are going into the initial communication stages/date thinking you are X when you are really Y.

And if I put my real age and send a picture, they think I'm lying anyway (by sending an old picture).

 

In the scenario about races that is something you won't find out until you ask. It's an unknown. You might suspect X and it turns out to be Y but the point is that a lie wasn't established as the gateway to the initial meeting.

You missed my point. It had nothing to do with lying.

 

What is so scary about the truth? Afraid these women would pass you over and you'd have less dating activity?

I explained my reasoning in my earlier post.

 

I just don't get it. Dishonest people suck and you, sir, are a dishonest person.

Ha ha--thanks for the endorsement!

[FitChick]

Age is a clear, unambiguous number. Might as well lie about height if you're going to lie about age.

 

You can't be 5'5" and look like you are 6' but you can be 37 and look 32.

 

There is calendar age and there is biological age. They are not necessarily the same thing. Two 40-year old men can look vastly different depending on genetics and lifestyle. Age is only important for breeding purposes.

 

I wonder if somewhere online is a video of a story on 20/20 or 60 Minutes or a similar show from many years ago. The show went to a 20th high school reunion. Some people looked like they were still students and some looked like they could be the parents of those students. The older ones were overweight and smokers, for the most part. The host of the show had them take a test about lifestyle habits and the results reflected their "real" biological age. One guy was 62! It was rather shocking but enlightening. I think the thrust of the program was to talk about health and aging and how we have some control over it.

 

In online dating, a current, clear photo is more important than age. You want to meet the person in the photo, not their birth certificate (unless you are an identity thief)! From experience I can tell you I prefer meeting the man in the photo. The ones who gave their real age but posted an old photo didn't get past the first meeting.

[antonio1149]

Age is a clear, unambiguous number.

 

The number might be unambiguous, but it's implications aren't. Take two guys, both age 50. Dude #1 is bald, gray-haired, severely overweight, not physically active, has a range of health problems due to his unhealthy lifestyle. Dude #2 has a full head of dark hair, eats better, is younger-looking, healthy, fit, active and in great shape, w/ no health issues. Can you really say these two are "the same" physically? I think not. The only thing their age tells you for sure is the length of time they've been on the planet.

 

Might as well lie about height if you're going to lie about age.

Height is different. There's no such thing as "tall for 5'8" or "short for 5'8". It's just "5'8."

[FitChick]

if I put my real age and send a picture, they think I'm lying anyway (by sending an old picture).

Same thing happened to me so now I lie. No problems since! And when these guys see me in person they look relieved and have a big grin on their faces, often saying "At least you look like your pictures!"

[Khyla]

It has nothing to do with confidence. I'm quite confident in myself. I'm not confident, however, that OLD is a level playing field for men.

 

Age is somewhat subjective anyway--different people age differently. The number itself isn't a clear indication of a person's fitness, attractiveness, or vitality. I've had numerous younger women tell me I'm more attractive and much more physically fit than the guys they typically meet who are their age.

 

Lying about height would be a different story, because that's a clear, unambiguous number.

 

In person is different. If I meet someone they typically get to assess my looks and personality before they find out my age, so that is just one factor in a sea of information. Online, you are instantly dismissed because of age. Most 38-year-old women doing OLD would filter out someone like George Clooney. Need I point out that there are many women in that age range who would be thrilled to date George Clooney?

 

i totally agree wth this.

 

I would have preferred they let me just put an age range instead of my exact age when I signed up on an OLD site. Since most men my age and even younger would have a hard time keeping UP with me, I decided it was best to not disclose my real age.

 

IN PERSON, I met this guy 12 years younger than me. He said he' d like to take me out to dinner sometime, and asked me my age. I just said "I'm not tellin'" and then, "OK, im in the 40 - 50 age range." I made it clear I dont want anything but a f--buddy right now, and he said he was totally fine with that, but I think he wants to be more...

 

Now when I signed up to be a cam model they said they hire models up to a certain age, I could have said I was that age but felt that was going way to low. They let it go anyway. Funny thing is, even though my profile has several years shaved off, the guys still insist I cant be that old. I know it could be they are just flattering me, but it was enough to make me have the confidence to lower my age on the OLD site so I will get filtered to younger guys. ---Soooo, if someone like you put down their real age, I wouldnt get the chance to meet them!

[Hope Shimmers]

You can't be 5'5" and look like you are 6' but you can be 37 and look 32.

 

There is calendar age and there is biological age. They are not necessarily the same thing. Two 40-year old men can look vastly different depending on genetics and lifestyle. Age is only important for breeding purposes.

 

I wonder if somewhere online is a video of a story on 20/20 or 60 Minutes or a similar show from many years ago. The show went to a 20th high school reunion. Some people looked like they were still students and some looked like they could be the parents of those students. The older ones were overweight and smokers, for the most part. The host of the show had them take a test about lifestyle habits and the results reflected their "real" biological age. One guy was 62! It was rather shocking but enlightening. I think the thrust of the program was to talk about health and aging and how we have some control over it.

 

In online dating, a current, clear photo is more important than age. You want to meet the person in the photo, not their birth certificate (unless you are an identity thief)! From experience I can tell you I prefer meeting the man in the photo. The ones who gave their real age but posted an old photo didn't get past the first meeting.

 

Your age is your age. It's not 'ambiguous'. It's very clear-cut.

 

From the time you give your actual age, you can then discuss how you are more or less healthy for that age and why you do - or don't - think it represents you. To lie about your age is completely dishonest and also a sign that you are very insecure about it.

[Hope Shimmers]

i totally agree wth this.

 

I would have preferred they let me just put an age range instead of my exact age when I signed up on an OLD site. Since most men my age and even younger would have a hard time keeping UP with me, I decided it was best to not disclose my real age.

 

IN PERSON, I met this guy 12 years younger than me. He said he' d like to take me out to dinner sometime, and asked me my age. I just said "I'm not tellin'" and then, "OK, im in the 40 - 50 age range." I made it clear I dont want anything but a f--buddy right now, and he said he was totally fine with that, but I think he wants to be more...

 

Now when I signed up to be a cam model they said they hire models up to a certain age, I could have said I was that age but felt that was going way to low. They let it go anyway. Funny thing is, even though my profile has several years shaved off, the guys still insist I cant be that old. I know it could be they are just flattering me, but it was enough to make me have the confidence to lower my age on the OLD site so I will get filtered to younger guys. ---Soooo, if someone like you put down their real age, I wouldnt get the chance to meet them!

 

It's sad that you feel age is such a hindrance to your 'beauty'. Every year from now you will just get more insecure.

 

I am 49 and am proud of it. I want to find men that love women of my age who are fit and attractive and it will just keep getting better and better.

[antonio1149]

In online dating, a current, clear photo is more important than age. You want to meet the person in the photo, not their birth certificate (unless you are an identity thief)! From experience I can tell you I prefer meeting the man in the photo. The ones who gave their real age but posted an old photo didn't get past the first meeting.

 

Good point--and personally, I think giving your real age but providing an old photo is more deceptive than giving a younger age but providing a recent photo that is an accurate reflection of your current looks. Women send old photos **all the time** (and I'm sure men do it, too).

 

If I send you my photo, and you still want to meet me, I assume you think I'm attractive enough and I know you won't be disappointed by finding something different in person.

[antonio1149]

 

Now when I signed up to be a cam model ...

 

What does a cam model do, exactly?

[StanMusial]

i totally agree wth this.

 

I would have preferred they let me just put an age range instead of my exact age when I signed up on an OLD site. Since most men my age and even younger would have a hard time keeping UP with me, I decided it was best to not disclose my real age.

 

IN PERSON, I met this guy 12 years younger than me. He said he' d like to take me out to dinner sometime, and asked me my age. I just said "I'm not tellin'" and then, "OK, im in the 40 - 50 age range." I made it clear I dont want anything but a f--buddy right now, and he said he was totally fine with that, but I think he wants to be more...

 

Now when I signed up to be a cam model they said they hire models up to a certain age, I could have said I was that age but felt that was going way to low. They let it go anyway. Funny thing is, even though my profile has several years shaved off, the guys still insist I cant be that old. I know it could be they are just flattering me, but it was enough to make me have the confidence to lower my age on the OLD site so I will get filtered to younger guys. ---Soooo, if someone like you put down their real age, I wouldnt get the chance to meet them!

 

If you told him you only wanted "f-buddies" he probably wouldn't care if you were 60.

 

I don't have any problem with dating younger, hell my gf is 11 years younger, it just seems dishonest to misrepresent yourself like that. What happens when you pull out the old high school yearbook and it says 1980 on the cover?

[keepontruckin]

Online dating: Chick had all the aspects that I was looking for.

 

Her "men" had to be at least 6' tall. I'm 5' 11"

 

Online Dating. Not even once.

 

Stay away from online dating. It will depress you. It is a joke. A sad joke...

[spiderowl]

"No, I don't think lying about one's age automatically means they'll lie about everything else. I lie about my age online all the time, and I'm scrupulously honest about everything else. Here's the catch, though--I actually look like the age I'm lying about. I'm unusually youthful for my age, fit, healthy and active. If I list my honest age, and send a recent photo, women think the photo is a decade or more old and are suspicious. So I can't win either way.

 

Men often find themselves having to lie because of the drastic disadvantage they are at in OLD. Women get so many more responses, research has shown that they have become very picky and only want a man their very age or in most cases, a little younger. More than two years older than her, and you're screwed. I regularly hear from women that are up to ten years older than my (listed) age and look like they could be my mother. Since most guys want a somewhat younger women, this becomes a losing scenario for us."

 

I don't agree at all. I also look younger than my age and I could exploit it by lying online, but why would I want to deceive guys? Would I have to pretend after or come clean and confess? If guys are not interested in someone of my age, that's up to them, it doesn't mean I should lie. As for guys being at a disadvantage, they are no more at a disadvantage than women when it comes to age. As you say, most guys seem to want a younger woman, so if you aren't seeking someone younger than your age, you should have plenty of options amongst your peer group.

Edited March 3, 2014 by spiderowl

[FitChick]

To lie about your age is completely dishonest .

So I assume that you'd be okay with a man giving his real age but posting a photo of himself ten years and 50 pounds ago.

 

Let's face it with online dating whether you've lied or not, you are not likely to find the love of your life on the first date. Why would I want a lot of random men knowing something personal about me when I plan to never see them again? My friends, neighbors and coworkers whom I've known for years don't know my age and don't seem too upset!

 

I think knowing someone's income is more relevant to a successful relationship since finances are the number one cause of problems, not age.

[BradJacobs]

So I assume that you'd be okay with a man giving his real age but posting a photo of himself ten years and 50 pounds ago.

 

Who here ever said that was okay?

 

It's a lie no matter how you try to spin it.

[FitChick]

Wait until you are single and over 40. You might be singing a different tune.

[BradJacobs]

Wait until you are single and over 40. You might be singing a different tune.

 

I didn't know four decades on this earth and a few bad online dates makes ethics a moving target.

[FitChick]

All's fair in love and war, and dating is war!