Lying about age on online profile and possibley other things?

[Tina747]

Just wondering how really common this is online?

I am middle aged and people usually guess me to look about 10 years younger that my true age but I still won't lie about my real age in my profile. I am looking for the "right guy" ....and who wants to start out a relationship on a lie?

 

Don't people know you will find out sooner or later anyway?

 

Anyway, I met a guy online (EHarmony) who seemed really great in so many ways (charming, educated, intelligent, handsome, etc). His profile states he is looking for a serious relationship or marriage...We talked on the phone and texted a number of times. But I found out recently he lied about his age by 6 years. (He doesn't know I know... and yes I am sure he lied).

 

He lives about 10 hours from me and twice he planned on a certain date and time to come to my town to meet for a first date (he is the one who asked me and initiated everything). Both times he cancelled exactly the day before. The first time he cancelled because he said his sister was suddenly deathly ill and in critical condition in the hospital and had to fly out to see her (a few days later he said she recovered). The second time it was because, during a business travel (he says he owns his own successful business), he missed his connecting flight back home and was not able to get another flight for another two days (which I found a little unbelievable since he was at a major airport (domestic), in the middle of the week and not near a holiday - he also claims to be extremely wealthy and travels constantly) and so, because he missed work, he needed to catch up and would not be able to see me until next Friday.

 

I do not really know this man, as I am pretty realistic when it comes to online dating and know it takes time to really know someone. I would have felt horrible doubting his first excuse because I thought "who would lie about their own sister being nearly on their death bead"?!? And at his age (mid 50s). The by the second excuse I started to really doubt him because the drama seems to "coincidently" happen the very day before we are suppose to meet.

 

So, if he lied about his age, do you think he is lying about his excuse for canceling the dates twice? Or lying about other things? Would someone really lie about their sister almost dying?!?!?

 

I don't know if I would be a fool if I believed him ...or heartless for not?

I have no way of verifying right now either way.

Edited March 1, 2014 by Tina747

[Gaeta]

It's written 'married' all over him. Move to next.

 

Why do you get in touch with men living 10 hours away? Keep it local

[TAV]

If he was really looking for a serious relationship he eventually had to own up to lying about his age. So my guess is he is not looking for that? For the other two incidents, you said yourself the last one seemed quite impossible. And did you ask him details about his sisters critical illness? Does he mention her recovery at all?

 

And have you found proof online about his 'successful business'??

 

Anyway, I may be cynical but I would not call this a good start to build something more on.

[JungleLover]

This guy is littered with red flags. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to analyze all of this. Your alarms are going off for a reason. This is the type of situation where you ignore all of this out of desperation for finding love and put on your blinders to find ways to still date a person then months later when his true self unfolds in ways beyond belief, you look back onto the situation and said "I should have known he was trouble when he lied about his age on his profile and told me his sister was on her death bed." Right now, you know that any relationship with him will never reach the point where you would meet his sister because the story is a lie. I know it's a lie because in the past, I have worked with many people who were on their death bed.

[J21]

Pass and on to the next.

[TheBladeRunner]

Reading this post I just realized something:

 

OLD is a lot like looking at a hamburger at a fast food place. In the picture the bun is fluffy, the meat is thick, the cheese has all the corners, and the onion and lettuce are fresh. Looks good....think I'll order.........then I open the wrapper and the burger is nothing like the picture.

 

Not always, but many times with OLD I have experienced the "Big Mac Let Down". I have been on dates with people that say they have a job and do not, say they are well along post break up/divorce, they are not. Say they are stable and established in life....and again, they are not. For these reasons I will pass on OLD from here on out.

 

If they are not "shooting straight" with you and you know it, run, don't walk. In your case OP, your date is 10 hours away. Staying local would make it harder for them to get away with some of the BS IMO.

[FitChick]

Before online dating was invented, no one ever lied.

[HappyLove]

NEXT!

 

You'd be a fool to continue with this guy.

[CaliGypsy]

He sounds super shady to me.

[BradJacobs]

You are talking to the fantasy he believes that he can become, not the man he is today. His excuses are because he is not ready to show you the reality (that is my opinion of course).

 

Look local. Give up on long distance until that pool is exhausted.

[spiderowl]

I have tried online dating for a while and I have found I cannot get over a guy lying about his age. One guy lied and treated it as a 'little white lie' that didn't matter in the grand scheme of things - after all, we'd met (online) hadn't we? But for me the lie was a big red flag waving in my face and everything he said after that was tainted. No, I can't cope with it. What kind of grown up lies about their age? It shows immaturity and a lack of integrity. I just do not want those qualities in a guy. I'd rather go without.

[Noproblem]

Lying about age is irrelavenet to other lies

 

See, back in the days when I used to chat and stuff

 

I had a really close friend, but you know how chatting at first was different and you can't trust everyone so, yeah I gave him another name

 

and I rarely lie, it was just about the stupid name and when he found out

 

It was like all hell broke loose; he got so angry and stopped talking to me a for over a year.....!

 

But anyway..this guy and from what you described, he seems like someone elusive, not because he lied about his age, but because of the other things ..

[keepontruckin]

Online dating is not for me, for a variety of reasons. This being one of them.

 

Profile pics from 20 years ago. "Adjusting" ones age. Having three kids from three different daddies, living in subsidized housing, but having demands so high that only a Doctor, a Lawyer, or the President could possibly fulfill... The list could go on and on. POF is especially bad for this.

 

"Online Dating. Not Even Once."

[antonio1149]

No, I don't think lying about one's age automatically means they'll lie about everything else. I lie about my age online all the time, and I'm scrupulously honest about everything else. Here's the catch, though--I actually look like the age I'm lying about. I'm unusually youthful for my age, fit, healthy and active. If I list my honest age, and send a recent photo, women think the photo is a decade or more old and are suspicious. So I can't win either way.

 

Men often find themselves having to lie because of the drastic disadvantage they are at in OLD. Women get so many more responses, research has shown that they have become very picky and only want a man their very age or in most cases, a little younger. More than two years older than her, and you're screwed. I regularly hear from women that are up to ten years older than my (listed) age and look like they could be my mother. Since most guys want a somewhat younger women, this becomes a losing scenario for us.

 

I will concede that lying at all, no matter the rationale, is a bad way to get things started. And all the other stuff you mentioned does sound concerning.

[antonio1149]

Online dating is not for me, for a variety of reasons. This being one of them.

 

Profile pics from 20 years ago. "Adjusting" ones age. Having three kids from three different daddies, living in subsidized housing, but having demands so high that only a Doctor, a Lawyer, or the President could possibly fulfill... The list could go on and on. POF is especially bad for this.

 

"Online Dating. Not Even Once."

 

What makes you think you won't run into lots of these problems in real life, with the exception that you'll know what they look like from the get-go?

[keepontruckin]

What makes you think you won't run into lots of these problems in real life, with the exception that you'll know what they look like from the get-go?

Well, for starters you know what they look like in real life...

[veggirl]

No, I don't think lying about one's age automatically means they'll lie about everything else. I lie about my age online all the time, and I'm scrupulously honest about everything else. Here's the catch, though--I actually look like the age I'm lying about. I'm unusually youthful for my age, fit, healthy and active. If I list my honest age, and send a recent photo, women think the photo is a decade or more old and are suspicious. So I can't win either way.

 

Men often find themselves having to lie because of the drastic disadvantage they are at in OLD. Women get so many more responses, research has shown that they have become very picky and only want a man their very age or in most cases, a little younger. More than two years older than her, and you're screwed. I regularly hear from women that are up to ten years older than my (listed) age and look like they could be my mother. Since most guys want a somewhat younger women, this becomes a losing scenario for us.

 

I will concede that lying at all, no matter the rationale, is a bad way to get things started. And all the other stuff you mentioned does sound concerning.

 

LOL please. so you lie to get women more than a decade younger than you? If they don't wanna date more than 2 yrs older than them, who are you to decide they should anyway? I prefer guys my age (30) and would feel sick to my stomach if I found out I was dating/kissing a guy who was actually in his 40s

 

How far into dating do you tell them that you shaved ten years off your age?

 

btw EVERYONE thinks they "look young" for their age. And will claim they are told so on a daily basis

[BradJacobs]

I will concede that lying at all, no matter the rationale, is a bad way to get things started. And all the other stuff you mentioned does sound concerning.

So why do you do it then? If you know it's bad then why lead with a lie?

[irc333]

Believe it or not....I had actually met a woman online that lied about her age.

 

She revealed that she wasn't honest about her age in her profile (43), and she was really older.

 

I was to the phone conversation when she had revealed this, and considering she saw MY age on OK Cupid I had asked, "So...how old ARE you really?"

 

She gave me the, "A woman never reveals her age" line.

 

I accepted it, was willing to meet up with her anyways, saw her in person...beautiful woman in person, and actually had a pleasant time.

 

We had been on 2 dates and well...by the time I had asked her again, figured she'd fess up.

 

Nope...she still would not tell me...that's when I started having a problem with it and kind of argued the point with her.

 

Never heard from her again. I guess she wrote me off for being so pushy about her age.

 

But...really, this woman was too beautiful to be concerned about something so shallow. She could get away with looking younger, so why not tell your real age?

 

 

 

Just wondering how really common this is online?

I am middle aged and people usually guess me to look about 10 years younger that my true age but I still won't lie about my real age in my profile. I am looking for the "right guy" ....and who wants to start out a relationship on a lie?

 

Don't people know you will find out sooner or later anyway?

 

Anyway, I met a guy online (EHarmony) who seemed really great in so many ways (charming, educated, intelligent, handsome, etc). His profile states he is looking for a serious relationship or marriage...We talked on the phone and texted a number of times. But I found out recently he lied about his age by 6 years. (He doesn't know I know... and yes I am sure he lied).

 

He lives about 10 hours from me and twice he planned on a certain date and time to come to my town to meet for a first date (he is the one who asked me and initiated everything). Both times he cancelled exactly the day before. The first time he cancelled because he said his sister was suddenly deathly ill and in critical condition in the hospital and had to fly out to see her (a few days later he said she recovered). The second time it was because, during a business travel (he says he owns his own successful business), he missed his connecting flight back home and was not able to get another flight for another two days (which I found a little unbelievable since he was at a major airport (domestic), in the middle of the week and not near a holiday - he also claims to be extremely wealthy and travels constantly) and so, because he missed work, he needed to catch up and would not be able to see me until next Friday.

 

I do not really know this man, as I am pretty realistic when it comes to online dating and know it takes time to really know someone. I would have felt horrible doubting his first excuse because I thought "who would lie about their own sister being nearly on their death bead"?!? And at his age (mid 50s). The by the second excuse I started to really doubt him because the drama seems to "coincidently" happen the very day before we are suppose to meet.

 

So, if he lied about his age, do you think he is lying about his excuse for canceling the dates twice? Or lying about other things? Would someone really lie about their sister almost dying?!?!?

 

I don't know if I would be a fool if I believed him ...or heartless for not?

I have no way of verifying right now either way.

[irc333]

There's this one woman, in my area....only lied about her age in the "Drop Down" section of POF.

 

But in the actual "write-up" she said, "I'm actually THIS age, but I really LOOK younger than my real age, and also would rather have a younger age demographic contacting me anyhow."

 

She deliberately manipulated the system so younger men could contact her.

 

Reason being, seems some older women tend to find men their age not to be on the "Up and up" on their bodies or seem less energetic.

 

Older women are finding men their age to be lacking in not keeping up in appearances or just had become completely complacent in their appearances or lack of energy.

 

Reason I say this, is because I went out with an older woman (by about 8 years) and her ex would just sit on his ass all day drinking beer and watching football....she wasn't asking for much...just casual activities like kayaking or taking bike rides together.

 

But yea, he previous woman was kind of arrogant in saying that "Yeah, I get carded when I go into clubs"

 

Yeah, really? Well LAH-DEE-DAAAAH! GET Over yourself!

 

I guess since the general public feels that you LOOK younger, it justifies you lying about your age, yes?

[Bigcitydreamer]

I think it's tasteless to lie about your age or anything about yourself to someone who you see as a potential dating prospect. It's weird and shows a serious lack of confidence. Age is just a number why not be proud of who you are?

 

If I met a guy in person (I don't do OLD) and I really liked him in every single way, he had no flaws BUT I had found out he lied about his age I woul be turned off big time and would see it as a major red flag. I wouldn't lie about something so trivial so why not expect that from a potential partner?

 

This guy sounds shady all around. There could be a million and one reasons why he cancelled those dates but the fact remains that he cancelled them in the first place. I don't know about you but that's not the way I would want to start a relationship. Even if his excuses were somewhat valid it still taints the excitement and happiness you usually get from a new relationship.

 

I've been screwed around before from flakey guys, and its hard not to believe their excuses but its on you to find the confidence to woman up and walk away and try and find something better than what he is offering

[StanMusial]

What makes you think you won't run into lots of these problems in real life, with the exception that you'll know what they look like from the get-go?

 

Meeting through real life social networks can prevent a lot of the scheming and scamming. If you associate with good solid people you can expand on that here and there.

 

On the other hand, if you just want to date as many people as possible or get some strange what difference does it make anyway if they are liars or low quality?

[veggirl]

I'm sure tons of folks OLD in the 40+ demo lie about their age. I think it's lame. If a woman wants a guy who is a certain age but is worried his filters will exclude her, she can always message him first. Guys can do the same thing. Let the person on the other end decide if they are interested with ALL the pertinent info.

 

Also, all the fit in shape older women say all the guys their age have beer bellies and are unfit/unattractive.

All fit in shape older men say the women their age are fat and lazy too.

 

Hmmmm.

[HappyLove]

People who lie about their age are so sad. I mean just admit it you're ashamed to be your age, and that's a turn off. Be confident in who you are. What kind of person are you if you start out a relationship telling lies? If you really look so great then why lie. I also see that people who think they look sooooo young actually don't look young at all and every bit their age. I'm told every week sometimes on a daily basis (I have a lot of patients who ask) that I look 15 years younger than I am. When I've met up with matches for coffee, they say wow you gave great genes. But I will never ever lie and lower my age online. I'm 37 and I rather just take the compliment of wow you look younger than be known as untrustworthy.

[MissBee]

My policy, esp with online dating is: if it feels off and I already have tons of reservations and if things just aren't aligning,BEFORE we even meet, I let it go. No harm, no foul.

 

If I don't know you and you're some stranger online that is already canceling plans and I have to be second-guessing and I ALREADY know you're lying about your age, why invest more? I'm simply not that desperate and have no interest in willfully signing up for a waste of time.

 

On to the next is my suggestion.