TheMink Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Hey all, so around 11 months ago I was dumped by my ex girlfriend. And if anyone wants to know the full story I'll post the links below once I can access computer. But in summary her reasons were that she had fallen out of love, Grass Is Greener, whatever you want to call it. At the time I was absolutely destroyed by it and I felt swept emasculated by the whole thing due to me desperately trying to get her back. But since then I have been in a happy and loving relationship with an amazing girl, and one which is much healthier than my previous.* My reason for this post is because I was taken deeply off guard this week. It was my first week at university, and going into it I did know that my ex was going to attend the same uni. The university is extremely small so it is basically next to impossible to avoid people, and during the first couple of days we would see each other and look at each other (she was with one or more of her friends on all occasions. When I saw her at first my heart started racing.* However, yesterday we were both getting on the same bus, she sat down, and when I got on she saw me and got up and walked over and tapped my shoulder to sit down next to me, which I did. We exchanged pleasantries, and found out we were on the way to the same lecture so we sat next to each other for it. After that we decided to have lunch. We mostly talked about our last year of high school the previous year, what we'd been up to etc. I'd like to note that she mentioned her new guy friends and boyfriend a few times and about how she'd been drinking and partying a lot (of which is something that I don't really do a lot). She didn't ask about my new girlfriend (of which she knew about). I'm really confused about why she broke 9 months of no contact now, I mean I still have her blocked on FB, and I don't think she has my new number. But it isn't something that would have stopped her contacting me if she really wanted to. One of the things that I noticed about her is that she hasn't really been looking after herself that well (face breaking out a bit, lost even more weight etc.). I'm still not exactly sure about how I feel about the whole thing. I don't really think it has set me back at all though, I'm still feeling and looking better than ever and I've been working out a lot etc.*I feel like I'm a much stronger, healthier, happier than I have ever been and I have matured a lot since the breakup. I was wondering about your guys opinions on the whole thing. All advice is much appreciated*
Simon Phoenix Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 ^^what he said^^. Seems like a generic friendly conversation.
reknown29 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) I'm with the others here. platonic. you did date her so if she was to sit anywhere but next to you that would be very odd and may mean that she too was having feelings that she was trying to hide. I do not know the situtation but if she sat on a different bench it would mean she either cheated on you feels bad or maybe still like you. what you describe is just an ex running into an ex. (correction: I just read your first paragraph . she is having feelings toward you because she sees you with another woman! take it for a grain of salt.) Edited March 1, 2014 by reknown29
lolablue17 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Nothing happened. She just saw you a few times, and thought that ignoring you will say that you have a "big issue" between you two, which is not true. So after some hesitations she took the right decision and went to talk to you "as a friend". Thats it. I advice you to just wave hello to her from time to time, but DONT be friend with her. dont eat lunch with her and if necessary say NO to her offer for lunch or studying together or other stuff. Why no? tell her that because you are not friends. That it! You should tell you current GF about her. (you dont have to tell her that your heart beat ) 2
oracle Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Sounds like that since - its a small school and she will be seeing a lot of you -that she is trying to be mature and friendly as opposed to being cold and ignoring you.. Don't go looking for any meaning in any of it.
keepontruckin Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Ya OP, they'll do that from time to time. My stbxw contacted me out of the blue after nine months of no contact. Since we were both single, we spent every waking moment together. Our relationship was better than it had ever been! I had a strong sense we could successfully reconcile. However, after one month of this I realized that she just wanted a friend, 'cause she has none. She's also going broke, living in a dump apartment. I happen to have money. There is a motive behind their moves. These motives are usually for their own satisfaction. And since my wife walked out on me, it is no longer my "job" to be her friend when she's lonely and broke. She can find someone else for that, 'cause I'm an 'all or nothing' guy! 1
Author TheMink Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Thanks for all the replies. I was glad when she did talk to me because I wasn't enjoying the constant awkwardness whenever we would run into each other. It's just weird considering she and her friends have been gossiping/stalking my relationship with my current girlfriend etc. which I've heard through mutual friends. And her friend has proposed to my friend that we all meet up or something. I just hope that she doesn't try and come back into my life after she walked out of it so easily and coldly. 1
harrybrown Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Keep your distance from her. Do not meet up with her and your new gf. You are much better without her and with the new lady. Focus on your new and better life. Go NC as much as possible with the former friend.
chados Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 so youre back mink. youve been doing so good since last year. dont overthink and ruin it. she might have felt really bad too. its not always the one dumped that will be heartbroken. and i bet she didnt enjoy you blocking her. but i mean what would you do in her shoes? screaming at her?. no breakup will make you look at the person the same way afterwards. and i know how you feel. you feel disrespected because shes treating you as a friend. nah just move on and continue to improve yourself for yourself.
Chi townD Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Blah....she's trying to friend zone you. She knows that you two are at a small University and sooner or later, you two are going to run into each other. However, she made it a point to mention other guys and boyfriend to deter you from thinking that she wants you back.. Dude, just ignore her as best you can and move on.
Chi townD Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 "'I don't want you to contact me anymore. It's over. Just leave it alone and move on. I am trying to get to know someone new. It's my formal date and I like him and we have talked and met up a couple of times. I want you to be happy and move on like I have. Goodbye." Remember this? You should have spit this back out at her when she sat down next to you.
mangetout Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 She is NOT good for you. You still have feelings for her and you could potentially ruin your current healthy relationship because of past unresolved issues. This will go nowhere. Remind yourself that she dumped you and you need to move away from that. So out of respect for yourself and your current girlfriend, stay away from her.
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