Is it weird to contact her?

[Zxcvbnm1]

Last year I was seeing a girl for 6 months. It fizzled out last October - more than 4 months ago. There has been zero contact since.

 

The reason it fizzled out was while I thought she was the best (and she was very keen on me), I always had a bit if a wall between us because I got the impression her family were a known criminal family. (I never met them - but as far as I could see they were posh criminals for want if a better term.

I.e. They looked very middle class in all aspects.

And my girlfriend was the most kind hearted nicest girl.

But the possibility if her family having had a criminal past frightened me and made me nervous.

In hindsight I should have sat her down and had a conversation with her about it. It's possible maybe I let my mind run away on itself a little at the time.

Instead I just figured it was a deal breaker for me and instead of insulting her family by having that very sensitive conversation I just held back generally and she eventually knocked it on the head as she felt I wasn't keen enough.

 

Anyway - should I contact her? Over 4 months since any contact.

Given the time that passed how weird would it be for me to contact her again ? For all I know she hasn't given me a 2nd thought - or could be married ! I've just no idea.

 

The main reason would be to maybe have that chat now in the hope that she could reassure me.

Edited March 1, 2014 by Zxcvbnm1

[Barbarossa]

I doubt after 4 months you still have a chance but why not give it a shot?

[HappyLove]

", I always had a bit if a wall between us because I got the impression her family were a known criminal family. (I never met them - but as far as I could see they were posh criminals for want if a better term."

 

Why do you think this about her family? And if there's any truth to it you probably made the right choice to not get caught up with the wrong people. Nobody is worth that.

[Zxcvbnm1]

OP here.

The reason I know about her family's dodgy past is because she revealed quite specific things to me - but while she was drunk.

 

I was always so surprised I never questioned her comments at the time - but I always made a mental note.

Also - I didn't want to query her family as I guess its a se edifice issue particularly as she was such a big family person.

 

But now I'm thinking maybe these were just drunken ramblings.

 

I really regret not tactfully sitting her down to have that conversation.

Instead she interpreted my stand off approach that I generally wasn't all that keen on her - which wasn't the case.

 

The reason I think it may been (albeit unusual ) drunken ramblings is because she herself and her friends were all normal middle class educated people. Maybe I'm judging too much on appearances though.

[Zxcvbnm1]

Sorry to bump this. But anyone else any advice ?

I just cannot get her out of my head.

 

I can't help but think its a bit pathetic by me after this length of time though.

 

Has anyone here made contact out if the blue like this with an ex?

 

I see from her profile pic on FB that she is there with done guy now - so it looks like she us seeing someone else now too. (I'm not friends with her in FB but can see her profile pic)

 

We are both in our thirties by the way.

[ExpatInItaly]

Last year I was seeing a girl for 6 months. It fizzled out last October - more than 4 months ago. There has been zero contact since.

 

The reason it fizzled out was while I thought she was the best (and she was very keen on me), I always had a bit if a wall between us because I got the impression her family were a known criminal family. (I never met them - but as far as I could see they were posh criminals for want if a better term.

I.e. They looked very middle class in all aspects.

And my girlfriend was the most kind hearted nicest girl.

But the possibility if her family having had a criminal past frightened me and made me nervous.

In hindsight I should have sat her down and had a conversation with her about it. It's possible maybe I let my mind run away on itself a little at the time.

Instead I just figured it was a deal breaker for me and instead of insulting her family by having that very sensitive conversation I just held back generally and she eventually knocked it on the head as she felt I wasn't keen enough.

 

Anyway - should I contact her? Over 4 months since any contact.

Given the time that passed how weird would it be for me to contact her again ? For all I know she hasn't given me a 2nd thought - or could be married ! I've just no idea.

 

The main reason would be to maybe have that chat now in the hope that she could reassure me.

 

Re-assure you about what, exactly?

 

You could try to send her a brief, friendly message, but don't push it if she doesn't reply. You made the choice to leave the relationship and she apparently respected your decision and moved on.

[Zxcvbnm1]

I guess with the suspicions that her family had done dodgy past I think my mind may have ran away on itself and I was imagining the worst if the worst at the time.

 

That's why I regret not tactfully discussing her family's past at the time.

I really should - to at least know what I'm dealing with.

 

Maybe if I could get he to agree to meet again and tactfully explain my behaviour at the time.

She may explain how I completely misinterpreted that family situation. So reassure me in that way I guess.

[Sandy99]

I think this is the silliest reason I have ever heard for breaking up with somebody.

 

But send her an email. It looks like she's probably in another relationship, so the best that might happen is that she holds off responding until she is single again. The worst is that she responds right away and tells you she's with somebody else. But an apology for why you broke up with her might be appreciated. Just go ahead and tell her the real reason. Seriously, she might get a laugh out of it. She'll probably think you're crazy, though.