After 11 years,she's decided it's over, because she's changed...

[mazoonist800]

Good Day everyone! I just found this site and browsed through some threads and thought to myself, "why did'nt I look for a site like this 6 months ago?" Oh,by the way,I did try to register,but unfortunately when I clicked the link where it asks if your over 13,all I could get was a "web site not responding message",so I thought I would post this as a guest.

 

My wife and I were together for 11 wonderful years,or so I thought was 11 wonderful years...;-) We never argued,we enjoyed the same things, I was the bread winner and all I asked of her was to take care of our son when I was at work,and keep the house up. She seemed to be happy. But after having a hysterectomy due to almost constant menstrual bleeding for years,she kind of went cooky. She changed abruptly.I'm talking everything changed,from the way she dressed,to never wanting to clean the house and forgetting about paying bills on time. Going out at all hours of the night with her cousin(another woman),so you all don't think her cousin was a male....he he(we do live in the south,but we're not that redneck!)

 

One day(July 16,2004),she and a couple friends went to Washington, D.C. on the train for a day long visit to the museums and other sites. While she was out,I jumped on the computer,went to clear out the temp files and cookies,and ran across some chat logs that were from when she was online chatting with her cousin and,as it turned out another guy was in there as well and they were all chatting about his "manhood",for lack of a better term.

 

Well,as you can guess,I was obviously distressed by this, so I called her and told her what I had found,and I told her that we needed to talk about all this when she got home. She got home later that evening,without so much as a,"hey honey,I'm sorry about that!",she asked me to leave. After 11 years,that's what it came to, just a swift kick in the butt, my stuff in trash bags, and a big pile of bills that I'm still trying to crawl out from under. It turned out,when I thought she was paying bills with the money I earned, she was'nt, she was running around with her cousin just spendin' away,like there was no tomorrow.

 

Well,to make an already long story a bit shorter,it's now been 6 months that we've been seperated. In our state,you have to be seperated a year before you can get divorced. I still have'nt been able to start dating. I put alot of faith and trust into my marriage,and to have that backfire the way it did, makes it a little hard to trust any woman again. And I'm not the type of guy that can go bar-hopping looking for a one night stand either. She, on the other hand has been able to move on,she says she's not seeing anyone,but when I pick up my son,she's real evasive about that subject. I'm better now emotionally,than I have been in a long time, and with each day, it gets easier.

 

Thanks for listening to me ramble!!!!!

[debilou]

I'm sorry to hear about your trouble. Isn't it amazing how a person can see things one way and the other it's a completely different story!

 

Kinda how it happened to me. It's been 3 1/2 months since he left. He moved out on his 40th birthday!

 

We were in counseling but I think he's given up.

 

Have you tried personal counseling? It's made all the difference in the world for me. How old is your son? Did she retain full custody?

 

The medical issues we women have to face, hormones, etc, can have a real affect on our mental well being. Did you guys talk about counseling?

 

My PMS/mood swings were one of the issues my husband had with me. I've done everything I know to do and am still in counseling. I've almost given up on him. I am a better person because of all the work I've done on myself. I'll be a better wife either to my current husband or the next one!

 

It takes 2 people to want the marriage. I think my H decided a long time ago he wanted out. Time will tell!

 

Good luck, Debilou

[mazoonist800]

Thanks for the reply!! Let me see if I can answer some of your questions....

 

Umm....No,I never tried any kind of personal counseling....I tried it once when I was having a tough time dealing with the death of my father and it seemed like I could just save the money and talk to a brick wall and get the same results as I was getting from the quack I was seeing...he he

 

My son is 9 years old. He turns 10 in February..I would'nt call it full custody that she has. She has him during the week because my job has me travel away from home 4 days a week,and I get him Friday afternoon through Sunday evening. I can't say that I'm happy about the arrangement,but it is at least, some kind of stable environment for him to handle... (Moms' during the week and Dads' on the weekends)

 

No,she would'nt even discuss the issue of marriage counseling. Though she at least admits now that the way she handled things was a bit too harsh,she has yet to change her stance on the seperation and it seems more likely with each day that come July we'll finish the whole thing and get divorced.

 

I could never have walked out on her when she was having so many "woman" problems. It was a tough time on her,and the constant blood loss left her weak and pale for years. So when we finally found a doctor who would finally do the hysterectomy,we both looked at it as a new beginning for not only her,but for our marriage.

 

Little did I know it would have such an impact huh!?

 

Anyways,Thank You again for replying,and Good Luck to you also!!!