Tulipsgold Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Today is his birthday. Well actually, no one really knows when his birtday is this year as he is one of those odd kids who was born on leap year. I'm doing pretty well if I may say so. I haven't texted him yesterday, and I'm not planning on doing so today. Just complete NC. But I can't shake off the feeling of guilt. Cause it does seem a bit emotionless and cold to not reach out. We broke up with so many things left unsaid. There was everything BUT closure. And I still have so much stuff of him at my house (including his house key) as he has stuff of me to. He's moved here from another country (this was before I met him). And he has a good set of friends here and a nice job so I know he won't be bitter or alone. I just sincerely hope he wasn't expecting me to contact him, cause that idea breaks my heart (even more than it already is broken) and than I can't help but feel a bit heartless if I don't wish him a happy Bday. I need some solid advise. What dit you do when your ex had his/her birthday after you broke up?
Author Tulipsgold Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Technically he did, yes. But I made him, cause I said to him I couldn't do this anymore. Either something had to change, or I'd go. It was a break up I already knew was coming, strangely enough I just wasn't brave enough to make that final decision.
TheyCallMeOx Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I honestly forgot when my ex-girlfriend's birthday is. I think it's like May 15th or something -- fortunately, it hasn't arrived yet. When it does, I probably won't do anything considering I forgot birthdays all the time. To me, I think I would've had more trouble with anniversary dates rather than birth dates. When my ex-girlfriend's birthday comes around, I know that she'll probably get super wasted (she's classy like that) with friends, receive birthday presents from various friends (and maybe a boyfriend/girlfriend...if she doesn't have one already), and she'll have a good time without me. On her birthday, she won't spend a second thinking about "I wonder what Ox would've gotten me for my birthday" because the reality is that the best birthday present is getting out of a relationship that wasn't making her happy. She might feel that my lack of trying to contact her or "win her back" is a birthday present in itself because I've certainly made her end of the recovery an easier process. Had I spent time concocting a plan and executing some kind of plan(s) to get her back, she probably would've been more miserable since I'd be making the breakup recovery harder than it should be. If you don't contact your ex-boyfriend or do anything to make him feel bad, that's a birthday present. If your ex dumped you, I'm sure he'd understand that he left you with a lot of emotion. That's the hard part of breaking up with someone, I'd imagine, is knowing that you know you're gonna tear someone's world apart. To let your ex-boyfriend move on with his life when he knows there's several days where you feel like contacting him but choose not to, that's one of the best birthday presents. Imagine texting or calling him on his birthday when he's out having a good time and all the sudden he's suddenly hit with the reality that his ex-girlfriend is suffering because of a decision that he made. If your ex loved you like my ex-girlfriend loved me, it might ruin the birthday. Either that, or it'd just make them drink more. The truth is that if your ex-boyfriend initiated the breakup, he's moved on. He doesn't expect a birthday present from you, doesn't expect a phone call or text message, and doesn't expect you to think about him anymore. He doesn't think you're heartless for not giving him a present. Even if it was his funeral, he wouldn't want you to come because you are no longer together. When family members die, that's different. However, when a part of our present becomes a part of the past...that's something that we have to learn to accept as part of the past, and should not be an influence on what you do in the present. The reality is that there's nothing you can say to him that would make the situation better. The only thing that you can do is better your life -- that way, down the road...if he decides to "check up on you," he'll see that you're doing good and he'll be glad to know that he didn't ruin your life because that's probably not what he wanted. If people once loved us but, for whatever reason, want to break off the relationship, they don't want to hurt us more than they have to. My ex-girlfriend knows she tore me up, but she was afraid that I was going to commit suicide. I thought about it. However, I'm sure she's happy knowing that I'm doing better...learning things even, and that's the best present you could get them. 1
emi Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I dont know how male feel about getting an text from an ex gf who he dumped. I, myself get a text from my ex boyfriend about 1 month ago wishing me a happy bday. And it hurt me like hell, I wish he had forgotten about my damn bday. My point is : even he remembered your bday, he even wished you a happy bday, it wont even change a damn thing not to mention getting a text happy bday from you. And i know how you feel, i suggest you text him, short as possible, a simply happy bday. So you wont look back everday wondering if you had done the right thing. And a short happy bday text may set you back for the risk he may not answer but well, its life, You cant have anything
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