sigurpol Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 This is sorta bugging me, but I wanted to write this before I went to sleep. A month ago, I got in touch with an old flame. We went to college together, we had a few dates until I had to move home (about two hours away from her)- we spoke less and less until she kinda moved on and dated some other guy. I was a little bummed, but it wasn't anything serious. Since getting in touch, we've gone on a handful of coffee/drink dates. Passed the whole "kissing" stage a few times she's suggest we watch a movie at MY place. I'm personally picky about how soon I have someone over my place and actually, I'm just weird about people coming over to my place. I have a small apartment, no TV (I don't watch it), little food, the heat has been broken, and really there's just my bedroom. Yes, I know some of you will make light about how we can just got in my bedroom, but... no. It's a boundary of mine. I've also explained this to her, in a very light-hearted way and she laughed, saying that was totally fine. She lives at home, with parents right now, but is moving into a new place this weekend. Also, I am a very busy person. I have one day off a week, Sunday, which is usually time to me to work on personal stuff in my free time. Monday-Saturday, I work from 8 AM to 8 PM. Two jobs. I get tired. I usually warn people on first dates about how I'm a busy guy and to never take it personally. But naturally, I feel like s*** when I can't make or keep plans due to work. She usually wants to do something once a week and I try my best to make time after work to hang out. We missed each other last week so she was shooting to do something tonight. I called her on Wednesday and said we can try Friday night, but as a heads up I work until 11 PM on Fridays usually and gotta be up by 7 the next day. But we can grab a drink and I'll tough the day out tomorrow. Tonight comes and I give the usual text. I have to reschedule to tomorrow night. I was in work until 12:30 tonight and need to sleep. She responds with that disappointed tone. I don't blame her. "I already have plans tomorrow." I mention maybe Sunday? I finally have my day off then. Anyway, should I just cut this loose? If I do, how do I say it? I feel like a crappy person because we all know the "busy" excuse is the oldest trick in the book. Only I'm legitimately busy.
CC12 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Anyway, should I just cut this loose? If I do, how do I say it? Yes. "It's been nice getting reacquainted with you again, but it's becoming clear to me that I cannot have much of a personal life because of my work schedule. I'm sorry for having to cancel plans on you - that wasn't nice of me but there was no way around it, and as much as I'd like to say it won't happen again, I just can't realistically make that promise. I think it's best if we go our separate ways for now." Just curious, why couldn't you leave work at 11 when you said you were going to? What would have happened if you told your boss you couldn't stay later? Because, I mean, if you could have said no, but didn't, then you sort of picked your job over the girl you're dating. Try to figure out why you did that.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I think u should lay it down to her... tell her u are genuinely very busy but u do really like her and u want to continue seeing her but u understand if your schedule is too much for her... make sure u make it clear u like her xx
Author sigurpol Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Yes. "It's been nice getting reacquainted with you again, but it's becoming clear to me that I cannot have much of a personal life because of my work schedule. I'm sorry for having to cancel plans on you - that wasn't nice of me but there was no way around it, and as much as I'd like to say it won't happen again, I just can't realistically make that promise. I think it's best if we go our separate ways for now." Just curious, why couldn't you leave work at 11 when you said you were going to? What would have happened if you told your boss you couldn't stay later? Because, I mean, if you could have said no, but didn't, then you sort of picked your job over the girl you're dating. Try to figure out why you did that. Thank ya for the advice! That's sort of what I'm trying to say to her, which I'm going to tell her today. The thing with work: I'm trying to work toward another promotion or a raise of some sort. Right now I'm a supervisor there and I'm also in charge of inspections and evening maintenance when the place closes. Without giving away where I work-hahaha- there was an accident that only myself and another guy know how to fix. The franchise owner of the company works in our department as well, so I wasn't about to make any excuses as to why I couldn't stay and help.
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