Highlight888 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Three weeks NC. I was clear on it and bent to stay that way. He came to my gym yesterday saw me, and literally made a B line..not even 20 minutes into my being there. He even said to his friend "I have to talk to her". I got sucked in. He misses me, loves me, feels comfort by just seeing me, thinks of me all the time but just "has so much to figure out in his life". I should feel flattered that he immediately wanted to be with me the first chance he saw me, right? I'm not flattered. I'm....like you all said....back to square one. Square one is such a lonely gut wrenching place. He says he's sick, not sleeping or eating, never goes out. He said "I'm not even back with her" (he left me to maybe reconcile with his W, or at least see if they could make it work. They were separated). I am just so messed up and scared and don't know what I want" ..he says. I want to hold onto that his words about me, and confusion mean hope, but I can't. He's not promising anything. Just keeps saying he has so much to figure out in his life.....as if that piece of information is something for me to do with. He said "I hope we can talk again". Why I ask you guys? Why would a man who wants to give his M a last shot want to talk with me and ...again in the future, be near me, tell me he misses me? Isn't he supposed to go NC with me if he's trying to figure out his life? Why can't he leave me be and let me start to heal and move on? I kept saying to him that I have to let him go....have to find my happiness...if it wasn't to be with him. He wants to be friendly still as like I said...he "finds comfort in just seeing me". At what...my expense? I am not here to give him comfort. I don't know... I'm just free typing right now...not even sure what I'm looking for. Just feeling very broken. I love all your postings and find them to be helpful. They truly help even in the darkest hours. 2
whichwayisup Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 He's having withdrawal. He's not thinking of what is best for you, not respecting the fact that you want him to leave you alone. He knows you're weak and knows what to say to you to get his way..Not maliciously but selfishly. Why would he leave you, go back to his wife and then tell you he's not back with her (yet)? He is in total desperate mode, emotional and not thinking. I mean, if you'd told him right then and there, call your wife and tell her it's over and tell her all about me, file for divorce -- What do you think he would have done? You've had a set back but I believe you're much stronger than you realize. Don't be afraid to stand up to him, be true to yourself and believe in your own abilities to take control back. He left you, chose his wife and family. Yet what he wants to know is, (just my 2 cents) if things don't work out at home if you'll be waiting for him and accept him back in the future...Whether that's 1 month, 6 months or a year from now. If he truly wants out of his marriage one day, he will take care of a divorce, let the dust settle and come find you when he IS officially divorced. Then ask you out on a proper date not keep you on a string like this. This is wrong, it's hurtful for you and he isn't respecting your wishes - He's selfish and only thinking of himself. 2
WhiteOrchid Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 He said "I hope we can talk again". Why I ask you guys? Why would a man who wants to give his M a last shot want to talk with me and ...again in the future, be near me, tell me he misses me? Isn't he supposed to go NC with me if he's trying to figure out his life? Because you are Plan B if it doesn't work out with his wife. 1
Devastated1969 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I so feel your pain :-( I'm going through exactly the same thing right now so very sorry. Did his W know about you? How long was he 'separated'? My bf went back to his wife and kids few weeks back and although says he wants to commit to her, he doesn't seem to be able to let go of me and says he loves and misses me too... So selfish of them to want to cake eat and play with our emotions when we are devastated about what's happened. Take care of yourself and good luck (((((hug))))) 1
Artie Lang Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) ^i'm confused... how is he your BF if he has a wife and kids??? OP, please don't get sucked back in. Edited March 1, 2014 by Artie Lang 1
Devastated1969 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) He was separated for about 7 months and lived with me for 4 months and then left me to return to wife and children. I met him after he was separated and we dated for couple months before he moved in. I made the mistake of believing his marriage was over and it all moved too fast sadly Edited March 1, 2014 by Devastated1969
Artie Lang Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 i see. i hope you don't get sucked back in either. take your power back and 86 the cheating bastard. you two deserve better than to be getting table scraps from these douchebag MM. 1
Devastated1969 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I was momentarily sucked back in but luckily saw sense before getting involved. I sent him a clear message that I do not want to be the OW and diminish the relationship we had. He made his choice and needs to focus on that and leave me alone to move on in my life. I told him I want no further contact and have blocked him from my life. It hurts so much but I have more respect for myself and do not want to be involved in any of his life dramas. OP, your situation sounds like it might be similar to mine, there is a lot of supportive members on here and we both need to listen to their sound advice.. I hope in time this decision, whilst extremely hard, will turn out to be the best path back to happiness. Close the door and keep it shut.
Author Highlight888 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Thank you all. @devistated.... she knew about me while they were separated, they both were seeing other people openly. She even wanted to meet me to "thank me for making him happy". Twisted I know, but the twist with her, is she is diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. Which adds more good times to this story....not! They we're separated...and still are since the last 4-5 months. He and i started about 8 months ago. They did not separate because of me. The divorce was put on the table just over a year ago. Right now, she doesn't want him back. Not sure why. My guess is she's playing games with him, punishing him, and making him work for it. She also is still seeing the guy she was dating all along. So, right now he's miserable, not with me...."Mrs. Make Me Feel Good" (lol)... and not with his W either. I fear he's just wanting to talk with me for a temporary good feeling as it's the only place he can get it now. I fear he's not truly conflicted, really wants her, but because she's not budging right now, is selfishly looking at me. I can't wait around...just to be someone's back up or consolation prize. I don't deserve that....no one does. 1
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