Mommame2 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I took the advice on here and started meeting some other guys from OLD. I had been texting with a very, very attractive guy and finally met him yesterday. He was even more gorgeous in person. Absolutely insane body ... Well he seemed nice although not as smart as my previous disaster guy. Anyway on the phone tonight we talked about going to dinner. I told him i preferred going to the first restaurant he offered up because I knew a lot of people at the other one. I said I like having some quiet alone time. He joked and said "oh don't worry they won't even notice you they will just be asking who that hot guy that your with is.." He laughed it off and said he was just joking. Then said he thought we were both beautiful people and could have amazing looking babies if it all worked out. Thoughts? Am I just too sensitive? Was that just a laugh or no...?
SunnySide0418 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 He sounds as if he loves himself more than anyone else could. Red flag to me.. but go out with him and see what happens. It may have just been a bad joke but I think it was pretty rude. 6
CrystalCastles Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Hm, that joke was a little tacky but the babies part made me laugh. I think you should go. It won't hurt you. He might have been nervous and said something stupid. I've been out on dates with guys who were so nervous they'd be saying one silly thing after the other, while their hands are shaking and they're all sweaty. Give the guy a chance. If it doesn't go well, not the end of the world.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I say things like that all the time but really Im quite shy and not very confident and I am only joking when I say it... I wouldnt worry about it just see what happens x 1
Noproblem Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I don't know. It's a joke and time will tell the truth. If he thinks he's attractive, let him know that you are sure that you are attractive as well... Guys will only see you as the way you see yourself You see yourself weak, he'll see you weak you see yourself strong, he'll see you strong you see yourself important, he'll see you important you see yourself fat, he'll see you fat you see yourself beautiful, he'll appreciate you more. I'm not implying that guys are clueless creatures, I'm just saying if a guy is interested in you, he already like something about you, and by listening to your talking and words, he'll form the final picture. 3
Noproblem Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 On other note I just remembered that guy who told me that if we ever have a son, he'll be beautiful like him! He was joking, but it didn't make me laugh I don't remember my comment, but I think I ignored what he said because some things guys said are just so immature and childish that you better ignore them. But that showed a part of him you know. Anyway, that guy was a player and he was really attractive. He was selfish too. But this is shouldn't be the case on your part.
RedRobin Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) I took the advice on here and started meeting some other guys from OLD. I had been texting with a very, very attractive guy and finally met him yesterday. He was even more gorgeous in person. Absolutely insane body ... Well he seemed nice although not as smart as my previous disaster guy. Anyway on the phone tonight we talked about going to dinner. I told him i preferred going to the first restaurant he offered up because I knew a lot of people at the other one. I said I like having some quiet alone time. He joked and said "oh don't worry they won't even notice you they will just be asking who that hot guy that your with is.." He laughed it off and said he was just joking. Then said he thought we were both beautiful people and could have amazing looking babies if it all worked out. Thoughts? Am I just too sensitive? Was that just a laugh or no...? ... well, this is an improvement over the other one... at least this one didn't respond with "cool, if you are looking for some quiet alone time, then why not just come to my house" I'm not sure what you said or how you said it... but I'm thinking you need to work on your choice of words a little yourself. I don't like going to loud places myself... and when I guy suggests a place that might be like that, I just say I'd prefer going to a place where we can talk. I NEVER say I want a quiet alone place unless, well, I'm flirting with him and am thinking about jumping his bones. Is that the message you want to send on a first date? Anyway, guys are going to say stuff like the above. It's called future faking. Take it with a grain of salt. Take anything they say past a month or two in the future with a grain of salt... I mean, acknowledge it, but don't believe they necessarily mean it... until they have the tickets in hand, the ring in the box, or whatever lol. It's just a way to check compatibility and also determine what YOU are looking for. Nothing to hang your hat on too much unless it is something you aren't interested in. Edited March 1, 2014 by RedRobin 1
RedRobin Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 ... and about the beautiful people thing... I've dated a few men who legitimately turn heads wherever they go. It's unusual, to say the least, that either of them would ever say something about how fabulous they look in a joking way like that. For them, it was often a source of discomfort and they'd downplay it, if anything. They weren't insecure about it... they just weren't comfortable making that the highest priority and a topic of discussion. If your guy likes being the center of attention... then maybe I can see him making a statement like that... I dunno. I'm not really attracted to guys like that. But that is just me. 3
gaius Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 A girl I was talking to one time said something that annoyed me so I cracked a joke about taking her to look at retirement communities as she had mentioned something about being old earlier. It didn't go over well. Some girls like a little tit for tat and others are more sensitive. As a guy you have to feel a girl out a little. Not every joke is going to be a winner with every audience. Just shoot back at him next time he says something like that. And I have to disagree with Red for once. I think he was just trying to make you feel good to make up for the bad joke. Not seriously suggesting a future. Hence the if everything works out.
RedRobin Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Just shoot back at him next time he says something like that. And I have to disagree with Red for once. I think he was just trying to make you feel good to make up for the bad joke. Not seriously suggesting a future. Hence the if everything works out. I agree with this, lol. 1
peanutgallery Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) Wow. He does sound selfish. Edited March 1, 2014 by peanutgallery
Author Mommame2 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Well the reason I actually didn't go out with him first is that he seemed to be SO into me without ever meeting me yet. From texting (a lot) and phone calls... He just seemed head over heels. He would joke and say good morning to my future wife.... And send me songs via text that were really deep. He said he never got like that and he couldn't understand his feelings but that he really felt something about our connection. Well with what was happening with the other guy... I just kinda freaked and bailed on this good looking one. I canceled our coffee date and said I just needed some time since I was getting out of divorce etc. he then said that he was really hurt and it was so important to him. Etc etc. I thought THAT was intense but I finally broke down and had coffee with him. And possibly now dinner.... He's gorgeous. No doubt. He's a Momma's boy. I can tell easily. He's very self centered. Jokes about the crowd that forms when he's at the gym. But he's very sweet to me and seems to be extremely in to me.... He also recognizes that I want to take things slow. I don't know if he's worth more than dinner ... But I guess we will see. This dating life is just not easy.
Gaeta Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Well the reason I actually didn't go out with him first is that he seemed to be SO into me without ever meeting me yet. From texting (a lot) and phone calls... He just seemed head over heels. He would joke and say good morning to my future wife.... And send me songs via text that were really deep. He said he never got like that and he couldn't understand his feelings but that he really felt something about our connection. Well with what was happening with the other guy... I just kinda freaked and bailed on this good looking one. I canceled our coffee date and said I just needed some time since I was getting out of divorce etc. he then said that he was really hurt and it was so important to him. Etc etc. I thought THAT was intense but I finally broke down and had coffee with him. And possibly now dinner.... He's gorgeous. No doubt. He's a Momma's boy. I can tell easily. He's very self centered. Jokes about the crowd that forms when he's at the gym. But he's very sweet to me and seems to be extremely in to me.... He also recognizes that I want to take things slow. I don't know if he's worth more than dinner ... But I guess we will see. This dating life is just not easy. He is vain and his deep attraction toward you is based on your looks only. Remember, when it starts like fireworks it dies like fireworks as well. With your first post and this one I'd say this is not a man with much depth but.....he's probably harmless. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 He joked and said "oh don't worry they won't even notice you they will just be asking who that hot guy that your with is.." He laughed it off and said he was just joking. Then said he thought we were both beautiful people and could have amazing looking babies if it all worked out. Thoughts? Am I just too sensitive? Was that just a laugh or no...? lol, well all those compliments from the ladies seemed to have gotten to his head, and women can be very vocal and forward about their attraction and perception of a man's looks, where as with men we have to play off like we don't recognize your superficial attractive qualities because we risk being called just superficial and typical (not seeing what's beyond the looks)...so the guy knows he's attractive and received plenty of validation and confidence from it so this is a "joke" but definitely truth in it from his own self-awareness and it's kind of like a "I'm letting you know that I know" kind of thing, plus I'm sure he thought it was hilarious in his own mind at the time rather than arrogant and it could pass as a joke, because I'm sure he does know his impact on women and how they respond and react to them by now...which can be just as obvious as how men react to a half-decent looking woman that walks into the room, if she's too attractive men tend to actually shy away as their confidence isn't as big as their ego at the end of the day. As far as the next comment with the "future", that's really just a ploy to get in your head and have you starting to fantasize about what "could be", so I'd look out for some "player" like qualities, the guy sounds a bit full of himself and like he'll use that combined with some sweet talk to get you wrapped up into him, as I'm sure it's not all that difficult with his looks and every girl will be thinking "maybe I'm the "lucky" girl?" since many women tend to be aloof when it comes to men's intentions until much later in the dating process and it's like undeniable by then. At any rate a huge red warning sign IMO, wouldn't be the biggest surprise in the world if he tries to hit the ground running and move along fast like the last guy with sweet/charm talk, and with his looks and your attraction I don't predict it's all that hard for him to turn that corner with women and gain that trust because of the possibility of a future...it's just something he has the power to do, and honestly most guys are going to exploit these kinds of "attributes" (which most don't have) before looking to just settle down...after all if he's universally good looking and that blatantly attractive then the world is his vagina oyster, not many are going to question him or rock the boat in scaring off a guy who might represent the "total package".
xxoo Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 He thinks of himself as a beautiful flower. That's so feminine to me that it's a turn off. If it was a joke, I'd joke in return: "don't be such a woman"
OhThatGirl Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 The joke about his looks was tacky but whatever. His pride may have been a bit hurt that you didn't want to take him somewhere you knew people and he tried to show you it wouldn't be all that bad. I would say coming back with "orrrrr they will just wonder why I'm settling" would have made him hurt a bit more. I'd blow it off, see what his actions are. More importantly though... Emailing his future wife? Deep connection? Song lyrics??? That's where I'd be REALLY hesitant. I really dislike someone who is so into me before they've even had the chance to really know me. Like other posters have said, disregard all this nonsense until it's been a month or two. Seems slimy. See if he's willing to back it up or if he only wants sex or a car loan out of the deal... 1
Author Mommame2 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 So this guy and I have only gone to coffee. He is GORG! But things have gotten weird IMO. He went out of town and went to hang with some friends. But that night he apparently called me at 12:30. I didn't take call. Phone was off. The next am he was telling me he was upset because he needed me and that what's the point of having a girlfriend if you can't reach them on the phone. I told him I was just asleep and he said we felt distant. He went on and on about our potential and how he could see marrying me if this all works out right. That he's made a commitment to try 100 percent with me and expects the same and that I don't waver from my word. (I did blow off his first few invitations to coffee because he seemed to be head over heels on me before meeting me in person). Well this am he started telling me that he has sleep paralysis and he woke up in the middle of the night but unable to move his body. That he felt trapped and that he bit his tongue because he was so so scared. And he needed to talk to me because he needs someone to share with.., says it has happened about 100 times in 20 years. He is 39. Never married. I just don't know if I can continue talking to him despite how gorgeous. He seems unstable. Am I too judgmental? I am again new to dating. But on the surface he looks so hot and put together... But this stuff just sounds bizarre.
MidwestUSA Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Google 'stage 5 clinger'. You may get some hilarious videos. There's a reason why this guy is available. Hot is not enough. Good luck! 4
J21 Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I would have said give the guy a pass because it was probably poor choice of words and first offense. But after the incident for not picking up at 1230, I say pass, onto the next. Just remember his outer beauty will eventually fade. Dont weigh that more than u should.
Zahara Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 But that night he apparently called me at 12:30. I didn't take call. Phone was off. The next am he was telling me he was upset because he needed me and that what's the point of having a girlfriend if you can't reach them on the phone. . You did say he is self-centered so it isn't a surprise that he expects you to cater to him when he needs you. And being upset was probably him gaslighting you into feeling guilty, and hopefully teaching you to be more vigilant to his needs in the future. And speaking about marriage so soon, red flag.
Iguanna Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 In my country we say, where you hear about many cherries keep a small basket. He is one of the two: 1. really desperate to get a woman with psychological problems, and/or 2. really desperate to get a woman and he'll say anything to get you in bed.
Author Mommame2 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 No I told him flat out I don't sleep around and I was not planning on getting physical for a while. After laSt guy I learned my lesson. But he keeps texting" how is the future love of my life" etc. He also told me that he couldn't work productively the entire day after I canceled coffee on him (before we ever met). I think what concerns me most is how to end this without him going psycho. I told him last night maybe this isn't a good time to start a relationship because I'm still going through a lot. He flipped and said you can't be serous. There is no turning back now. I told my family I have a girlfriend. Do you know how embarrassing that would be?
J21 Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 No I told him flat out I don't sleep around and I was not planning on getting physical for a while. After laSt guy I learned my lesson. But he keeps texting" how is the future love of my life" etc. He also told me that he couldn't work productively the entire day after I canceled coffee on him (before we ever met). I think what concerns me most is how to end this without him going psycho. I told him last night maybe this isn't a good time to start a relationship because I'm still going through a lot. He flipped and said you can't be serous. There is no turning back now. I told my family I have a girlfriend. Do you know how embarrassing that would be? Seems like u need to exit out. cautiously I might add. Did u guys have a formal talk about being bf/gf? Seems a bit quick and presumptuous considering u guys just went for coffee...
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I told him last night maybe this isn't a good time to start a relationship because I'm still going through a lot. He flipped and said you can't be serous. There is no turning back now. I told my family I have a girlfriend. Do you know how embarrassing that would be? Wait...am I understand this right? You've only had coffee and one dinner date with this guy?? This behavior would scare me and send me running. I had a similar OLD experience with a guy that was talking moving in together and marriage before we even met. Non-stop texts, etc. I canceled the first date and told him why. If you want to give this a chance, then I would tell him clearly that he needs to SLOW DOWN. That he doesn't really know you, and that you don't really know him and you are uncomfortable with how quickly he is trying to progress things and all the future references he is making. If he cannot handle that, then it is best to cut ties. Stage 5 Clingers are the worst and he sounds like a smotherer as well.
Author Mommame2 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 I only went to coffee with him.... never even went to dinner. He did ask me if I was only talking to him...and after I met him for coffee ...I told him that I do enjoy getting to know one person at a time. I said that I would love to just focus on getting to know him. At that point...things didn't seem so odd. Then, he went out of town and he got really passive aggressive with me...regarding me not being around when he called. (He also called me at 2:30 in the AM). I did not answer his call or texts after midnight. I have a child and I am a parent... But...yeah, I don't know what to do...exactly. I'm nervous that he's going to go nutty...and we've only had coffee together! I never even touched him!
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