BC1980 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 It's not what I hope to gain and I know it'll likely hurt. But I just don't want to have regret in the future that I never got to see her, just one more time. What does just "one more time" do? It it an attempt to delay the grief and reality. Look, I've been there, and I understand. We all have. We just wanted to talk one more time or see our exes one more time. In truth, these are just attempts to delay moving on. Grief sucks, so who can blame a person for wanting to hang onto hope. It's like starting a diet. You keep saying that you'll just have one more piece of cake, or you will promise to start exercising next week. In reality, everyday of delaying what needs to be done is like feeding the monster. You keep giving into what you know is wrong, and you want more. You even admitted that it would hurt and open old wounds. Why put yourself through it? 1
BC1980 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 How is the situation unique? Most times after a break-up, the reality is that we may never see the ex again, maybe in passing, yes but at the end of the day, it's the past, it's gone. Your life starts to change, you start of a different path and before you know it, indifference sets in and you don't even care if you ever see the ex again. The break-up solidified the very high probability that you will never see each other again, not you moving to another city. So, no nothing unique. You got your closure when she dumped you. You got your closure when she chose to exclude you from her life. That's your closure. Move on from this. Yup. The reality is that you probably won't see your ex again. That's hard to swallow, but every person in the world has had to do this at some point. I think it's why so many dumpers want to be friends. People don't like to completely shut the door. It's really hard, but you have to ask yourself how it's helping you to hang onto the past. How is it going to help you to see her again?
Author mirage12 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 It's not going to help but I guess that's not why I want to see her. Maybe it's just to spend a little bit of time and say goodbye to someone who used to mean a lot to me. I'm rationalizing and yes we did say our goodbyes when we broke up but now we are both acknowledging that it's almost undoubtedly permanent, something that was never so clear given the nature of our BU. By permanent, I mean that life is taking me away and in a new direction. Now I know for sure that I will not likely see her again.
Minneloa Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 It's not going to help but I guess that's not why I want to see her. Maybe it's just to spend a little bit of time and say goodbye to someone who used to mean a lot to me. I'm rationalizing and yes we did say our goodbyes when we broke up but now we are both acknowledging that it's almost undoubtedly permanent, something that was never so clear given the nature of our BU. By permanent, I mean that life is taking me away and in a new direction. Now I know for sure that I will not likely see her again. I think you know it's a bad idea, and I think you're going to do it anyway. So then the question becomes how will you take care of yourself in the emotional wake (e.g., sleepless nights) that this meeting might leave? Also, are you planning to cut contact with her when you move? Otherwise, I think you could stay stuck in your feelings for her, move or no move. The heart does not care about logistics, and contact creates the craving for more contact. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 (edited) I texted her for the first time in weeks last night to tell her. We texted back and forth for two hours. At first she acted shocked/kept asking me questions/saying she couldn't believe it. She kept saying how brave I was to make the move. Then she started acting sad and said how she would miss me a few times. She made some suggestive jokes a few times and we agreed to meet up soon. The convo ended with her giving a good night/sweet dreams, kinda how we talked when we dated. I couldn't sleep all night Sorry dude, this is a really, really, really horrible idea. Edited March 3, 2014 by Simon Phoenix
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