JunkYardDog Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) I was just making a u turn on my street and saw the x leaving her dads who lives a couple houses down. She pulled up right next to me at the stop sign going the other way, drivers doors right next to another and I stopped and rolled down the window thinking she would do the same and she just waived quickly and took off. Her breadcrumbs worrying about how I am doing I guess were just bs I guess. Did I do the right thing? Should I not of stopped? Is NC broken now? Man, I feel like crap, anxiety..... btw/ (little backstory for perspective for those who dont know) 4 yr ltr, she dumped me for another guy right after my dad died in Nov. Edited March 1, 2014 by JunkYardDog
Author JunkYardDog Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) Am fighting contacting her, calling or texting.....I need some support, advice, thoughts.......anyone???!! Its as if shes pissed for me not answering her breadcrumbs. WTH, Edited March 1, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
melell Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I feel for you with this one. I know after my bu I went to lengths to avoid seeing my ex- there were occasions in the months after where they would turn up at my house. It would cause anxiety and what not- not my fault at all, but unsettling all the same. NC is kind of broken.. but it wasn't your fault. All that can be done is try not to dwell on it and keep going as you were. November wasn't too long ago, so it is not surprising that things are still a bit raw. My best advice is to do everything you can to not think about what happened/her. Things like as soon as you start thinking about it switch your thoughts to something positive and unrelated, eventually you will do it automatically. I don't know how it works exactly, but for me it was like it retrained my brain. It kind of creates a good habit, much better than a habit of constantly thinking about something that hurts you. I am really sorry for the loss of your Dad. I know these things are really hard, but you will be stronger for it, it just takes time. Keep going.
aisuru Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I'm sorry about your dad. As for your breakup... I can only tell you it gets better. You know it intellectually, but it's hard when your emotions are still so raw. Stay strong and do not break no contact. Distract, distract, distract.
Author JunkYardDog Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) Yea I wasnt expecting to see her at all and when I did I froze, should of floored it as soon as I saw her pulling out of the driveway. It was hard but I wanted to be civil so I did what I did and shes the one who acted like I burned/dumped her by not giving me the time of day. This after her last email/crumb last week saying how much she wonders about how I am and that I was such a big part of her life for almost 4 years that she would love to know how i am. Then she got the opportunity and ran like a child. Thanks for the condolences, its been a nightmare the past few months for me. The whole thing, losing them both at once really did some serious damage that I am unfortunately still struggling with. Edited March 1, 2014 by JunkYardDog
d0nnivain Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Please accept my condolences on the loss of your father. You acted politely. She wasn't ready, able or mature enough to talk which is why she didn't roll down the window. You didn't break NC. Calling her would be a breach of NC & will set you back. The good news: You survived that 1st awkward encounter. You now also know that she won't talk to you in that setting so you don't even have to slow down next time. I don't know if her timing (dumping you after your dad's passing) sucked or she really is heartless, for purposes of your healing, I'd assume she's a complete jerk. Repeatedly remind yourself of that & move forward. Hang in there. You got a double whammy with your dad's passing & her insensitivity. Take care of yourself.
Author JunkYardDog Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Thanks donnivain for taking the time to respond. I wish I could just lie and say Im good, no biggie, shes just a bitch, but I cant man. Having a hard time once again today. I feel like it was all a big nightmare, all lies....From hearing I will love you forever so many times for so long to not even the decency to stop and acknowledge me like I am the bad guy/dumper/cheater. It wasnt just a month or two fling or anything....4 years is a long time and I know she was doing stuff behind my back towards the end. Thats how it works, they dont steal second with their foot on first. Even if it was all lies, it wasnt for me. To lose you pop and woman the same time is....I dont even know what to say or call it. Zaps the living right from you.
Author JunkYardDog Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Ive been running what happened across my mind for two days now, still hurting and am trying to keep myself from contacting her. I dont get why its so f'in hard to let go of someone who does what she did to me. Her living so close is making it even more difficult, reminders/triggers everywhere. Anyone want to offer feedback?....I need it!!!
Author JunkYardDog Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Alright, guess no one else has anything to say. I kinda feel like Im talking to myself. Thanks again to you who took the time, appreciate it along with your condolences.
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Sweetie..what's done is done. Let it go. You cannot go back 24 hours ago and change your reaction. Give yourself a break. Your mind is now in full obsession. You need to take active action to distract it. Read a self help book. Or this site's forums. Anything positive to replace the obsessiveness. This too shall pass. I promise.
herself Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Yes, her ego was bruised so she punished you by embarrasing you leaving you hanging with window down.... That was REALLY mean & cruel of her & hopefully will help you see what kind of person does this. You deserve SO much better & she is LUCKY you even cinsidered speaking to her. Just shows your the bigger person. Please dont give her anymore power by contacting. I promise with my whole heart u will be ok.
BC1980 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 You did what most of us would do. I don't even know what I would do if I saw my ex. I dread the day that we run into one another. It's so sad that we used to be so close to these people, and, now, just seeing them provokes anxiety and questioning. You can't prepare for the unexpected, and you did fine. Just forget about it now.
herself Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 I agree, u handled it well. Speeding off would have made u look like you were afraid to face her or immature. Imo it would have made it look like she affected you even more. Instead you look like the adult who was mature enough to exchange a quick hello, and she took the low road & probably thought you would text her too. Go you! Maybe look for a job in another city or state to make a fresh start? Seems extreme but why not, it would be exciting! If u cant, maybe plan a summer trip and buy tix for some concerts. I just know your gonna do great in the long run. This girl is a dud. No excuse, no looking back! Chin up honey, summer is coming!
bubbaganoosh Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 IMO, she didn't say anything to you because she knows she did you wrong and it's hard to look at the one you burned out of guilt. Look. I've gone through two divorces and it's not fun, but what ever you do, don't give her the satisfaction of contacting her to ask why she left you hanging when you saw her. All you doing is building her ego up and in the process, tearing yours down. You know what she did and she isn't worth the salt of your tears and you have enough on your plate with the loss of your Dad. Honestly, I promise you that in the near future when you have had a chance to heal, you'll be glad you didn't talk to her and mostly be glad she's now the problem for someone else.
Author JunkYardDog Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Thank you biggirl, BC, herself and bubba.....means a lot to hear from people and I really do appreciate your time. Fighting another battle today but I wont give in, as hard as it is, as painful and f'd up, if I dont love and stick up for me, no one will. Thats how I have to look at it. Its a mind blow to go through, someone who was so close and expressed so much love for you to just basically flip you off and drive away. That waive was nothing more than the middle finger.
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