Really need to move on.

[forth_eorlingas]

Okay, so back in November, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me for various reasons I don't particularly understand even now. Reasons like our arguments were harming our relationship, and he didn't want us to end badly, so he ended our relationship in order to 'save our friendship' or some thing. I don't really understand - but what I can gather is that he reckons we could get back together in the future after we have graduated from university. I'm assuming that's one of the reasons he broke up with me - we both moved to different universities.

 

After this, he said he had lied to me about a lot of things in our relationship, and he now liked this older girl at his university (a week after we broke up), who it turned out he had been sharing private things about me with, and she was basically encouraging him to split up with me. I think he was manipulating me, as well, because he really knows how to control me it seems. In the end, I deleted him and blocked his number etc. Then in January, we ended up meeting up due to a mutual friend's birthday and ever since have been back in each other's lives. He's even came up to visit a few times, and we've spent the weekend together. Last time he visited was Valentine's weekend, where we discussed the possibility of a future, and ever since then he has not made any time for our friendship/relationship or to talk to me, really.

 

I feel upset - sort of used, actually. Some emotions boil up in me - he says he does not have feelings for that girl, but I feel betrayed by his initial confession back in November - and I feel angry and like I haven't had any closure. Thing is, he really knows the exact correct thing to say to me even if he doesn't mean it, or he gets angry at me and will not discuss the issue. I am incredibly frustrated and I know this relationship is not good for me, especially when I get myself upset and I know I still have feelings for him. The problem is - he is not the person who left for university at all, he has gone off the rails with his student loan and his friends, out drinking to all hours and not going to university etc. Whereas I am very study-orientated and balance my social life against my work life.

 

Well, sorry about the essay. I was just thinking all of these things and I can't really speak to my friends because they don't understand the pain and heart break I feel. I'm 19, and I've been with him since I was 15. We have the same interests and things so it's hard not to speak to him. If anybody has any advice or has been in a similar situation, that would be great. I mean, should I ignore him for a while and see if he misses me and comes back? I don't think that's really a solution. Anyway yes, help would be appreciated, as I want my life and my sleeping patterns back.

[StringsAttached]

Okay, so back in November, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me for various reasons I don't particularly understand even now. Reasons like our arguments were harming our relationship, and he didn't want us to end badly, so he ended our relationship in order to 'save our friendship' or some thing. I don't really understand - but what I can gather is that he reckons we could get back together in the future after we have graduated from university. I'm assuming that's one of the reasons he broke up with me - we both moved to different universities.

 

After this, he said he had lied to me about a lot of things in our relationship, and he now liked this older girl at his university (a week after we broke up), who it turned out he had been sharing private things about me with, and she was basically encouraging him to split up with me. I think he was manipulating me, as well, because he really knows how to control me it seems. In the end, I deleted him and blocked his number etc. Then in January, we ended up meeting up due to a mutual friend's birthday and ever since have been back in each other's lives. He's even came up to visit a few times, and we've spent the weekend together. Last time he visited was Valentine's weekend, where we discussed the possibility of a future, and ever since then he has not made any time for our friendship/relationship or to talk to me, really.

 

I feel upset - sort of used, actually. Some emotions boil up in me - he says he does not have feelings for that girl, but I feel betrayed by his initial confession back in November - and I feel angry and like I haven't had any closure. Thing is, he really knows the exact correct thing to say to me even if he doesn't mean it, or he gets angry at me and will not discuss the issue. I am incredibly frustrated and I know this relationship is not good for me, especially when I get myself upset and I know I still have feelings for him. The problem is - he is not the person who left for university at all, he has gone off the rails with his student loan and his friends, out drinking to all hours and not going to university etc. Whereas I am very study-orientated and balance my social life against my work life.

 

Well, sorry about the essay. I was just thinking all of these things and I can't really speak to my friends because they don't understand the pain and heart break I feel. I'm 19, and I've been with him since I was 15. We have the same interests and things so it's hard not to speak to him. If anybody has any advice or has been in a similar situation, that would be great. I mean, should I ignore him for a while and see if he misses me and comes back? I don't think that's really a solution. Anyway yes, help would be appreciated, as I want my life and my sleeping patterns back.

 

That 'lets try after we graduate' is bull**** (pardon my language). He liked another woman and talked about you with her behind your back while you were still coping with what happened. Imagine this guy in your future. What if you get deeper in the relationship with him and he finds another girl to talk to about you and your relationship...your pain would be multiplied.

 

Sorry to say but you are his backup plan. Once he's tested the waters and done God knows what he thinks you're still going to be there for him when he's at his most vulnerable. You might get back together only to get strung along and manipulated again.

 

You need to move on, he's not right for you. You said it yourself you're extremely frustrated due to his actions. If he was a good match for you you would not be having this problem.

[forth_eorlingas]

That 'lets try after we graduate' is bull**** (pardon my language). He liked another woman and talked about you with her behind your back while you were still coping with what happened. Imagine this guy in your future. What if you get deeper in the relationship with him and he finds another girl to talk to about you and your relationship...your pain would be multiplied.

 

Sorry to say but you are his backup plan. Once he's tested the waters and done God knows what he thinks you're still going to be there for him when he's at his most vulnerable. You might get back together only to get strung along and manipulated again.

 

You need to move on, he's not right for you. You said it yourself you're extremely frustrated due to his actions. If he was a good match for you you would not be having this problem.

 

It feels so real when somebody from an unbiased perspective says this, it's exactly the same as what my friends have been saying, except it's harder to listen to them. I think I am definitely being played for a fool, though, ever since he last visited he's been nigh on ignoring me for most of the past two weeks.

 

I think I am his backup plan. If he really wanted me, he could have made the effort. I think I was a good girlfriend to him, but I think he moved away to Manchester simply to get away from me so he could do what he wanted - in the city where I go to university, there's another polytechnic type university which is more highly regarded than his current university. So it's a bit strange.

 

Ugh. Problem is, I keep talking to him, and I think it's because I need some closure. I never got angry when we split up, I never particularly vented what I felt, and so I definitely think I need to get some things off my chest. If I can get rid of this anger I might be able to move on, but I'm not entirely sure what to say.

[StringsAttached]

It feels so real when somebody from an unbiased perspective says this, it's exactly the same as what my friends have been saying, except it's harder to listen to them. I think I am definitely being played for a fool, though, ever since he last visited he's been nigh on ignoring me for most of the past two weeks.

 

I think I am his backup plan. If he really wanted me, he could have made the effort. I think I was a good girlfriend to him, but I think he moved away to Manchester simply to get away from me so he could do what he wanted - in the city where I go to university, there's another polytechnic type university which is more highly regarded than his current university. So it's a bit strange.

 

Ugh. Problem is, I keep talking to him, and I think it's because I need some closure. I never got angry when we split up, I never particularly vented what I felt, and so I definitely think I need to get some things off my chest. If I can get rid of this anger I might be able to move on, but I'm not entirely sure what to say.

 

Are you ready for what he might say? If he truly cares for you he won't ever tell you the truth. If he doesn't you're going to lose a lot of self-esteem. It's a lose-lose situation.

 

True closure comes from within yourself. Once you've moved on and become a stronger person you will know exactly what went wrong.

 

Take it from me, I was in the same situation as you, trying to figure out what happened and told myself i'd never talk to her again as friends. After she gave me 'closure' I tricked myself into thinking it could workout.

 

You need to fully remove yourself from him and in doing that either you'll complete lose interest in him and won't care about closure. Or he'll come back himself and tell you what went wrong. Us guys are weak like that.

 

You're 19 but you seem wiser than your years. You know exactly what you need to do.

[forth_eorlingas]

Well, I tried last night to start a discussion about what the Hell is going on, but he just got angry at me and then ignored everything I said. When I asked if he was using me, he said I could believe what I wanted, but that he wasn't going to answer that. He then said I was an awful person for asking, and somehow I ended up apologising to HIM. I've come to the conclusion he isn't a nice person - he shared one of my facebook statuses and told me his room mate finds me 'highly amusing and pathetic'. I think it's hard to accept that he is in fact, a nasty piece of work. I feel like I'm the only one - apart from our mutual friends, and my university friends - who seems to see that. I really do not like the way he behaves with me, so much so that I do not want to speak to him any more. I think you have to be treated badly to see how much better off you are.

 

He's also supposed to be visiting this weekend. We have tickets to this Comicon event in my city, so that should be pretty horrific for me.

Edited March 3, 2014 by forth_eorlingas