3j15 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Bullet points since I find essays way too long. - We've been dating for 5.5 months, broke up 3 weeks ago, both in our mid 20's shes 2 years younger than me. - I didnt realize it at the time but I was emotionally abusing her, which ultimately lead to our breakup. I constantly kept getting on her case about the stupidest and smallest reasons. I realized this after the break up that I was being a total idiot and over reacting. - The final straw was when I ended up pushing her away one night, YES I physically abused my girlfriend. I know i deserve to be dumped, I accepted this fact already. I am disgusted for my actions and I accepted the consciousnesses that come with my action. - A little dating history: I have been in a 1.5 year long relationship, which ended due to me moving away. I was never really the jealous type before but during this relationship things changed. - My ex contacted me 2 days after we broke up, and we hung out all day. Then we went 4 days NC then I surprised her on the following Monday, and she was super happy to see me. She was feeling super down about the break up and seeing me made her day. Then 3 days NC and saw eachother on the Thursday. We have been seeing each other at least once a week since our break up. - Now I have been thinking, where is this going? why am I sill seeing her. does she have any intention of getting back together with me? So that is what I asked her yesterday. And the answer I got was, she is willing to give me another chance, but just not right now. She knows I wont do anything like that ever again. But She says she just needs time to forgive and forget. Which I totally agreed with. We talked about getting married and moving in together ( this was after we broke up). We know that we are meant for each other, and could spend the rest of our lives together. - I should mention she is moving to Australia for a year in a few months. She has been planing this trip years before I met her and I knew about this going into our relationship. So she is willing to give me another chance when she gets back. -We met yesterday, and she mentions to me that she no longer thinks its a good idea for us to keep seeing each other, especially since we are broken up and have no intention of getting back together before she leaves on her trip. she says it just starts the "breakup cycle" again. Which makes sense, and I do agree with. But I know she wants to keep seeing me, and I want to keep seeing her to. But it is unfair to me and her, it is holding us back from moving forward and moving on. Giving her a chance to forgive me. - We decided to go NC for 1 week and spend one more night together next wednesday, kind of a final farewell. Is this a good idea? - We decided that we both need this time apart from one another to grow as individuals, become stronger emotionally, and really prepare ourselves for a serious relationship, which could lead to marriage. I know I do, I realized a lot about myself through this relationship. the most important being that I am not ready for one! lol. -I am personally going through a lot in my life, parents divorce, trying to figure out my career, and all the stresses that come along being a young adult. - Yeah so that is my scenario, I dont expect many replies, but I am sure like many of you on this forum, I just needed a channel to vent my thoughts and feelings. I am seeing her for our "final" night next week, I am torn on how to go about this. 1) I can either accept the fact that we are done for now, look towards the future and take advantage of this final day and just enjoy my time with her, not bugging her about getting back together. Leave her with an amazing final impression and image of me. 2) I can try to pull off some crazy romantic gesture, and try to win her back with romance and just showing her how much I really do care about her. 3)be an insecure pathetic loser that is dependent on her, wishing for her back, begging and crying. Begging for her to give me a second chance, gettin her even more annoyed of me ultimately leaving her with a terrible final image of me. I think I am going to go for option 1.
Author 3j15 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) Day 2 NC Went out last night, got drunk. I thought it would be good to get out of the house and just go out with friends and have fun. Keep my mind off things a bit. I am terrible with drunk calling, so what I did was delete my ex off everything. I already deleted her on Facebook the day after we broke up. Funnyy thing is she tried adding me a few days after I deleted her. I still haven't responded to the request. Anyways, last night I just wrote down her number on a piece of paper and put that somewhere I wouldnt touch till the morning. And it worked, cause even though her number was gone, I still caught myself looking to call her in my drunk haze. I recommend everyone do this, it should be a important step to follow. I mean delete everything, FB, twitter, snapchat, Instagram, Whatsapp, or whatever you might use. In your drunk state you will try and find every way to get contact with her. And the last thing you wanna do is drunk call your ex, cause really who knows what you will say. And just like that you are back to square one. Was good to get out flirt and hit on girls again. Just being single again. Because when we were dating, I am a loyal guy. I never have cheated and never will. I know that feeling of betrayal, and really never wanna put anyone through it. But at the end of the night, my mind still wonders and thinks about my ex. AHH now in my hungover state I think about her even more. Luckily I have work to help keep my mind off things. Edited March 1, 2014 by 3j15
TAV Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Do you think it is a good idea to torment yourself with one more day with her? What if it's a perfect day? Will that not make it much harder to get over her?
Author 3j15 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Do you think it is a good idea to torment yourself with one more day with her? What if it's a perfect day? Will that not make it much harder to get over her? I have already accepted the fact that its over, there is no point in trying to persuade her. I read a thread on here by barky2 that really reassured me in what I was planning on doing is the right choice. I need to focus on myself, and find happiness by myself before I should start dating again. Yeah some might think it's a bad idea to see her one last time. But what if it is that one "perfect day". Yeah, I really hope it is. Because as much as I will be missing her after it, I know she will be missing me just as much. I would rather leave her with a amazing final impression, make her remember the good times we had together. Because if she really didnt want to see me, love me and care about me. She wouldn't agree to spending one last day together, yet alone suggest we spend the night together. This is not easy on the either of us. But I still love her and really I just love spending time with her and just lying in bed and talking. I'm sure a lot of users on here, regret not having that one last day with their exes.
Author 3j15 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 is it weird that I would be happier, and thus easier to get over my ex if I was to have this one last "perfect day"? Has anyone gone through this before?
somecamel Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Dude, If she's going to Australia I doubt she's coming back, if you feel like you can actually enjoy what you know will be your last date together and be ok with that and accept that's it, go for it.
Author 3j15 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Thanks for the support. Yeah who knows, maybe she will move there for good. but she still does have 2 years left in her university degree here, and also her entire family is here. She just wants to travel for a while before she really gets serious with her career and life. But yes the future is unpredictable, but really that's what makes it that much more exciting. Hey who knows maybe I'll move to or something, you never know.
somecamel Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Out of interest, you said you weren't the jealous type before in your past relationship, what was it that made you jealous in this relationship?
Author 3j15 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 okay, well maybe i was a little jealous in the past, but I never acted on my emotions. But this relationship, I dunno, maybe it was the fact we had no mutual friends. Maybe it was because my parents are going through a divorce so maybe I developed trust issues? I think I am just emotionally unstable at the moment for a serious relationship. Like come on, I pushed my girl. I never thought i would be "that guy". but hey here I am.
Author 3j15 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 So my ex called me while I was working, I did not pick up, i wasnt planning on calling her back. Sticking with the NC rule. But then a few hours later she texts me saying - I dont want to see you Thursday. - Take care. I replied at 1am: - I agree, take care. -Can you talk? Final byes long story short we ended up talking for 5 hours..... We are done now. We talked it over, we decided it's a good idea not to see each other on Thursday. And I do agree with her, to be honest the last two nights haven't been that bad. She was apparently not doing to well. Though I have been working a lot and also just been staying busy trying to rebuild friendships. (I forgot how important close friends are in true time of need) Yes it sucks it's over but during our 5 hour chat we talked about what we are going to work on as individuals. I had already accepted the fact it's done, I was just excited to see her for one last time. But I guess that would just rekindle everything and all the emotions. She really let go of some of her anger on me. Not by like actually yelling but I could tell in the tone of her voice she was tearing up, and just so upset at me. Which she has every right to be. She was saying (JOKINGLY) I want you to get ran over by a car, and that's the pain you made me feel. or rip my manhood off with pliers. We laughed about it, well at least I did.... She did say she has never been effected by someone this way. And I mean this in a bad way. She was really trying to make me feel like garbage. Like yes I do agree I messed up really badly, broke one of the 2 deadly sins of dating: Cheating or Abusing . At the same time I am glad she is letting out this anger. This is what she needs, to move forward, to hopefully forgive and forget. I'm not getting my hopes up for a reconciliation or anything, but I am glad where we ended things. Our relationship was unstable, and the end was near. We both need to mature up, or at least I know I do. But at the same time, our personalities and core values matched so well. We know if I can solve my personal emotional issues, and find a stable career and overall balance in life we would make a great couple again. But that's like way down like 2 years from now minimum. And you know what I am okay with that. I realized a lot about myself. I am controlling, and jealous, and just have trust issues right now. I need to go be myself again, the person I was before I even knew my ex. Try to shoot in the 70's in golf, sign up for some extra university programs, work out again, do what it takes to move forward. She told me during our relationship she pictured us getting married. And to be honest I was thinking similar thoughts, not yet quite marriage, more moving in together type of seriousness. It was nice to hear that, but at the same time quite devastating. I told her if everything works out in the end I am going to marry you in the future. And she said I hope we get married. CRAZY..... I cracked a joke and said i just booked a ticket to Vegas, and she goes, " you have a ring?" No but I got onions. Then we said our final bye's. Sad moment, but this is when you have to realize what's done is done. The best thing to do now is NC HARDCORE. My b days in a month and she says she will text me happy b day, i told her don't bother. I told her the next time I want you to ever call me is when you are ready to say "I want you back". And only if I am mentally ready for this will I ever decide to pick up. I am tempted to just block her number. Wow sorry didnt realize this post was this long, crazy how you can just keep typing in moments like these. If you have been reading my thread thank you. I am using this, kind of as a online journal. a way to vent and get some support. Thanks.
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