milwinlol Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Okay, so in a LDR, we live about 6 hours apart(on train) and we try and see each other around once every 5 weeks, or depending when the holidays are, as we're both at college. We've known each other for years, met when we were 13/14 as we only lived 20 minutes away from each other and we were best friends(maybe a bit more than that, but we were too young for anything.) until his family decided to move away, for personal reasons. Anyway, we've been together now for almost a year, we're both 18, and he'll be visiting around the time of our anniversary. But I don't actually think he knows when it is....Are all men this SH*T with dates? Edited February 28, 2014 by milwinlol spelling mistake
LoyalTJ Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Not all men are the same. Some of us remember. It depends on how much it matters to your partner.
Author milwinlol Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 All I meant was......is it normal? Or is it just my man? :/
Deanna1 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Actually, there's plenty of men who don't remember their anniversary, so don't get mad or sad.. Just politely remind him 2
soccerrprp Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Okay, so in a LDR, we live about 6 hours apart(on train) and we try and see each other around once every 5 weeks, or depending when the holidays are, as we're both at college. We've known each other for years, met when we were 13/14 as we only lived 20 minutes away from each other and we were best friends(maybe a bit more than that, but we were too young for anything.) until his family decided to move away, for personal reasons. Anyway, we've been together now for almost a year, we're both 18, and he'll be visiting around the time of our anniversary. But I don't actually think he knows when it is....Are all men this SH*T with dates? He's 18, so hardly a man. But, no, not all men are like that. I remember dates of our significant moments better than my gf does. Men are less interested in such details, but not all men. 2
HeavenOrHell Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 My partner wouldn't know when our anniversary of meeting IRL is, he'd know roughly when, he doesn't celebrate that type of thing anyway, he knows when my birthday is, although is a day out sometimes IME men have generally forgotten anniversaries, so I do have this impression that more women than men seem to remember them.
Keenly Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Men usually do not place as much stock in dates and such like women do, and its unrealistic to demand some one has the same feelings that you do about something.
justwhoiam Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 he'll be visiting around the time of our anniversary. But I don't actually think he knows when it is....Are all men this SH*T with dates? Statistically, yes. You said "around the time". So that means before or after and not on that day. Which leads me to think he won't be with you on your anniversary. Also, are you talking about 1 year anniversary? Or what? I suggest you don't come up with a month "anniversary". Anyway, it's very easy for you to say: "Would you like to do anything special for our anniversary?" and see where it goes.
Trimmer Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Just to be clear: anniversary of what? I'm not being smarmy, I'm asking what specifically you consider to be the "starting point" that the anniversary is based upon. And then, does he have the same impression of a specific "starting moment" of your relationship? If you don't both have a meeting of the minds about that, then discussion of its "anniversary" is really secondary.
writergal Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 You're both only 18. What's the big deal if he doesn't remember? Most people don't remember dates.
Author milwinlol Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Just to be clear: anniversary of what? I'm not being smarmy, I'm asking what specifically you consider to be the "starting point" that the anniversary is based upon. And then, does he have the same impression of a specific "starting moment" of your relationship? If you don't both have a meeting of the minds about that, then discussion of its "anniversary" is really secondary. It's our 1 year anniversary of when we started dating...
Author milwinlol Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Statistically, yes. You said "around the time". So that means before or after and not on that day. Which leads me to think he won't be with you on your anniversary. Also, are you talking about 1 year anniversary? Or what? I suggest you don't come up with a month "anniversary". Anyway, it's very easy for you to say: "Would you like to do anything special for our anniversary?" and see where it goes. He's coming for 2 weeks and during that time, it'll be our 1 year anniversary, I don't want to bring it up, it case it sounds like I'm expecting a lot to come of it. I'm not high maintenance, don't ask for much, just would like him to remember something like that
justwhoiam Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 He's coming for 2 weeks and during that time, it'll be our 1 year anniversary, I don't want to bring it up, it case it sounds like I'm expecting a lot to come of it. Asking if he would like to do anything special doesn't mean expecting anything nor a lot... and it also depends how you ask that. Maybe casually, while youre on the phone with him. If he says: sure! Then you can start from that. What about we take a one day trip somewhere? That would be an awsome idea. He would know the day, and maybe he comes up with something special of his own, like a sweet card or something. Don't waste a special occasion just to make it an ordinary day. At the same time, have a plan B, if your plan A goes wrong. For instance, there's a storm and you can't leave town for a one day trip, you can arrange something special at home or wherever you are staying with him. I'm not high maintenance, don't ask for much, just would like him to remember something like that I guess it's more about willing to celebrate. Don't you love celebrating? That doesn't make you high-maintenance! You could also celebrate with a long kiss. There's no rule on how to celebrate.............
Trimmer Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 I guess it's more about willing to celebrate. Don't you love celebrating? That doesn't make you high-maintenance! You could also celebrate with a long kiss. There's no rule on how to celebrate............. Actually this establishes a sort of a dividing line for the OP: are you trying to "test him" by seeing if he remembers all by himself? If you continue on that course, just understand that by making it a test, what may be a minor oversight in the big picture will feel like a failure to you, and that may make this whole episode take on a significance that it doesn't warrant within your relationship Or, is the important thing to celebrate your one year anniversary with your love? If so, then I like justwhoiam's suggestion: bring it up with him in advance, in a relaxed way that isn't intended to corner him with a pass/fail test: hey, it will be our dating anniversary when you're here, you know - let's do something special... And I want to return to me earlier question about the significant date and what it means to you and to him. You said, about your anniversary date: "But I don't actually think he knows when it is...." By this do you mean that you guys have talked about this as the special date you started your relationship, but you think he'll forget it? Or is it something that hasn't been brought up, and you are hoping he will remember the date, a year ago, when you had the first date that you considered to be the relationship starter? If it's the latter, then I think you are expecting a lot of mind-reading from him, and if that's the case, then yes, guys are s**t with that, as you put it. So in more detail than just "when we started dating", can you describe whether you have spoken to each other about this date in the past, or are you just expecting him to remember the date of your first date all on his own. 2
LittleTiger Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 ALL men are not 'like' anything! Just the same as all women are not 'like' anything. Human beings are all different. They have different values and different skills - which means a different level of interest in anniversary dates and a different capacity for remembering them. I'm female - some dates I remember, some I don't. My guy is male - some dates he remembers, some he doesn't. He even remembers some dates one year and forgets the next and vice versa. If it's important to you that your boyfriend or partner remembers important dates, and this one doesn't, find somebody else. Even though he's only 18, if he doesn't remember now, he probably never will. If I was you, I would just say something along the lines of "hey, it's a year since we became official on :insert date:, shall we do something to celebrate?". See what his reaction is. He might have something special already planned but is pretending that he's forgotten so he can surprise you. Maybe that's why the trip is happening when it is.
Els Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 He's coming for 2 weeks and during that time, it'll be our 1 year anniversary, I don't want to bring it up, it case it sounds like I'm expecting a lot to come of it. I'm not high maintenance, don't ask for much, just would like him to remember something like that You are actually 'expecting more' by requiring him to read your mind about your expectations for the date, compared to nicely telling him you'd love to do something romantic on your anniversary. I realize that both of you are young, but there's no better time to learn to communicate openly and honestly with a partner. 1
legion113 Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 When I start dating someone, I'm not sure if it's going to last or not so it's not like I say to myself, hmmm, better remember today's date so one year from now... However, if my girlfriend remembers a certain date and tells me, then yeah, I'll be sure to remember it for the future.
PPamgirl Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 i had a long distance relationship and lasted 2 years then didn´t worked, the guy kinda started to meet other people, u know cheating stuff, but in my opinion, with what i learned, long distance relationships aren't meant to last and is not to take too seriously,at least nowadays is just to you have a temporary bf/gf or a company.
Author milwinlol Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 Actually this establishes a sort of a dividing line for the OP: are you trying to "test him" by seeing if he remembers all by himself? If you continue on that course, just understand that by making it a test, what may be a minor oversight in the big picture will feel like a failure to you, and that may make this whole episode take on a significance that it doesn't warrant within your relationship Or, is the important thing to celebrate your one year anniversary with your love? If so, then I like justwhoiam's suggestion: bring it up with him in advance, in a relaxed way that isn't intended to corner him with a pass/fail test: hey, it will be our dating anniversary when you're here, you know - let's do something special... And I want to return to me earlier question about the significant date and what it means to you and to him. You said, about your anniversary date: "But I don't actually think he knows when it is...." By this do you mean that you guys have talked about this as the special date you started your relationship, but you think he'll forget it? Or is it something that hasn't been brought up, and you are hoping he will remember the date, a year ago, when you had the first date that you considered to be the relationship starter? If it's the latter, then I think you are expecting a lot of mind-reading from him, and if that's the case, then yes, guys are s**t with that, as you put it. So in more detail than just "when we started dating", can you describe whether you have spoken to each other about this date in the past, or are you just expecting him to remember the date of your first date all on his own. Reading your reply, it would sense that maybe i am.....'testing him'...and i just wasn't aware of it. The significant date is when he asked me to be his girlfriend, we've spoken about the date before, and as sad as it is, we celebrated out 6 month anniversary, by sending each other cards. It isn't just a random date i conjured up in my head and expect him to know. Maybe he is just 'playing dumb' and has something planned, i just don't want to go all out with card and presents and he's forgotten because then i really look like a prized prat. Haha! I don't know, maybe i'm just expecting a lot, this guy treats me really well, he makes me laugh and he's very affectionate.....maybe i watch too many 'chic flicks' and expect my man to be as 'perfect' as them, i really don't know. I really appreciate everyone's replies though, it means a lot. xx
Els Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Why is it 'sad' that you sent each other cards at 6 months? Don't you appreciate that he did that? And clearly he has demonstrated that he does care about giving you little romantic gestures and dates; why are you still automatically assuming the worst for this anniversary?? Just get him a card and a present if you want to! And if you don't want to be the only one then let him know ahead of time that you will be doing so. It really is not that complicated. 1
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