Met my BF online... Though, telling parents.....

[Deanna1]

Met my boyfriend online acouple,e months ago, fell deeply inlove and will be seeing him in two months from today, but the thing is..

 

I am 24 living at home. My boyfriend is 27. My parents are old fashioned to the point where I can't tell them EVERYTHING concerning me and relationships. They only know about one other guy that I've been with.. I am old fashion to a point, but I am atleast open minded to the fact that there's other ways to bond..

 

So, what I did was said I'll be visiting a friend in two months rather than saying "I'll be visiting my boyfriend".. I feel ALITTLE guilt, but I feel this is best instead of allowing my parents to hold me back because of their misunderstanding.

 

It's so easy to say "Just talk to them", but knowing my parents talking to them will mainly be "You shouldn't do that" "I don't agree with this" "You aren't staying with a man alone like that whom we don't know" and I don't want that extra added to my stress though I am an adult.

 

..I won't be staying alone-alone with him because I'll be staying with his mom the first week since I want to get the feel of things and didn't feel ENTIRELY comfortable with being with him at his spot just yet. He understood completely.

 

I was going to tell my parents basically everything when I came back, but gradually from beginning to end.

 

Even though I am an adult, why am I still feeling guilty with not being straight up with my parents? I don't like it, but I feel is is best..

 

Hell, my sister lives on her own and doesn't tell my parents her whereabouts or her boyfriend. That's how bad it is lol.

 

Has anyone been in my situation that is close to my age or older? I feel abit immature, but dealing with parents such as mine.. Hiding some things seem like my only option.

[LoyalTJ]

My gf's mother was the same way, but she allowed me to see her and be around her alone once we met. Maybe he should have come to meet you first. That way your parents would have gotten the chance to see the type of person he is. If he's going to be in your life, he should meet your family.

[Deanna1]

Unfortunately it's already too late.. My ticket is already paid to go see him, plus I feel it's best if I'm the one to go visit him since he has means to get around. My car is totaled completely, so if he were to come see me then we really wouldn't have a way to get around especially with the bus being so far away from my house... My only transportation is my parents and that's when I need to go somewhere like my job, store, etc..

 

He will meet my parents very soon. That's inevitable, especially if I see a future with him..

[LoyalTJ]

I understand. Transportation is very important unless you both plan on staying put in one place lol. I hope that all goes well with your parents. For some it takes time to realize that you're not a child anymore.

[Deanna1]

Right. I can understand their concern if I were to tell them what my plan was since they don't know him. I feel they'll better understand when I come back and let them know what the deal is & that this "friend" wasn't an actual friend. My sister WILL know my whereabouts just incase something happens, but I'll have cellphone on at all times..

[justwhoiam]

1) Why are you still at home with your parents? Is your sister living on her own? You could share the apartment with her...

 

2) Do you have a job?

 

3) The relationship with your parents partly depends on you. If you want to remain the eternal little girl, they will go on treating you as such. If you show you're a woman now, they'll have to face you have grown up.

 

4) Remaining at home is not helping you grow up organically and is lowering your self-esteem. You call yourself immature and I didn't sense any will to be mature.

 

5) The sense of guilt can come from lying in the first place, but also: you're not doing yourself a favor. You try to find ways not to face things because it's easier. It's your easiest way out, apparently. You won't have to stand your ground. But deep down, you're ashamed of being 24 and hiding things as if you were 14. You are aware you're an adult, but not willing to deal with responsibilities that come with it.

 

"I'll be staying with his mom the first week"

Bad choice, if you ask me.

 

"Hell, my sister lives on her own and doesn't tell my parents her whereabouts or her boyfriend."

She took her life in her hands and was not afraid to face your parents. And see? Nothing bad happened. Everything's fine.

 

"Has anyone been in my situation that is close to my age or older?"

I was your age, once upon a time. Before introducing him to my parents, I wanted to make sure it was a serious thing. And to know if it's a serious thing, I let the other person show how far they can go for me.

Make sure he has that opportunity with you. It's only been two months and you have bought a plane ticket to go visit him and staying at his mom's house, where I suppose he doesn't live. That's the wrong way to me.

 

"I feel abit immature"

Yes, and I guess it shows.

[justwhoiam]

P.S. the car argument was a crappy excuse. He can rent one where you live and go anywhere with it. I rented cars abroad with my boyfriend since when I was 21. Your prospective boyfriend is 27!

[Secret Advisor]

If this is someone you've never met, please tell someone, anyone, that you are doing this. Give them names and addresses and ask them to call you while you are there.

[Deanna1]

1) Why are you still at home with your parents? Is your sister living on her own? You could share the apartment with her...

 

2) Do you have a job?

 

3) The relationship with your parents partly depends on you. If you want to remain the eternal little girl, they will go on treating you as such. If you show you're a woman now, they'll have to face you have grown up.

 

4) Remaining at home is not helping you grow up organically and is lowering your self-esteem. You call yourself immature and I didn't sense any will to be mature.

 

5) The sense of guilt can come from lying in the first place, but also: you're not doing yourself a favor. You try to find ways not to face things because it's easier. It's your easiest way out, apparently. You won't have to stand your ground. But deep down, you're ashamed of being 24 and hiding things as if you were 14. You are aware you're an adult, but not willing to deal with responsibilities that come with it.

 

"I'll be staying with his mom the first week"

Bad choice, if you ask me.

 

"Hell, my sister lives on her own and doesn't tell my parents her whereabouts or her boyfriend."

She took her life in her hands and was not afraid to face your parents. And see? Nothing bad happened. Everything's fine.

 

"Has anyone been in my situation that is close to my age or older?"

I was your age, once upon a time. Before introducing him to my parents, I wanted to make sure it was a serious thing. And to know if it's a serious thing, I let the other person show how far they can go for me.

Make sure he has that opportunity with you. It's only been two months and you have bought a plane ticket to go visit him and staying at his mom's house, where I suppose he doesn't live. That's the wrong way to me. P

 

 

"I feel abit immature"

Yes, and I guess it shows.

 

 

 

 

First of all, why I'm living with my parents isn't none of your business. This is about my situation as far as my boyfriend goes. There's plenty of people my age and older who live with their parents for many reasons. If I wanted to share that then I would have. If that's your small minded thinking of having no "will be to mature" because I'm living with my parents, then great, but please be noted that you sound idiotic & judgmental of something that you have no knowledge of.

 

Second, if you read my other posts responding to another person, clearly I said I had a job, but again, that has nothing to do with my situation. Why are you prying? Stay on subject as best as you can.

 

And did I say two months? I said acouple of months. Where are you getting these accusations?

 

I advise you read over my post again before commenting because your response was clearly not "helpful", only a questionnaire of things that doesn't pertain to the post. It was a waste.

 

"That's wrong if you ask me"

..nor did you post any valuable tips like everyone else did. Why post?

 

Goodbye.

Edited March 1, 2014 by Deanna1

[Deanna1]

If this is someone you've never met, please tell someone, anyone, that you are doing this. Give them names and addresses and ask them to call you while you are there.

 

Definitely. Thank you!

[justwhoiam]

First of all, why I'm living with my parents isn't none of your business.

Ehm, this is quite rude. Nothing you're writing in here is any of our business.

 

And well, I asked. You assumed. And assumed wrong.

 

you sound idiotic & judgmental of something that you have no knowledge of.

Are these your arguments to have a decent conversation? People can tell by themselves who's narrow-minded.

 

did I say two months? I said acouple of months.

I thought a couple of months equals to two months. Maybe I need a few more English classes. Or maybe someone can explain this to me in a less rude manner, because English is not my native language.

 

your response was clearly not "helpful", only a questionnaire of things that doesn't pertain to the post. It was a waste.

Honestly, you're quite funny. People ask questions to understand your situation better and maybe offer ideas.

 

People can jump in with their opinion or not. I'll steer clear.

 

Adios!

[Art_Critic]

IMO it's okay to do everything you mentioned except lying to your parents.. that you should not do.

A guy isn't worth damaging the trust you have built between you and your parents.

At 24 your parents will not look at the lie thru the eyes of seeing you as a child, they will see you as an adult.

[TaraMaiden]

I personally would further suggest that to say you're in love with someone you've never met, is somewhat hasty to say the least.

 

Please be cautious with your heart.

 

There are far, far too many stories of people being taken in by someone else; someone they were smitten with, and they thought felt the same way.

 

Only last week, there was a programme on TV about the stories of several women taken in by 'Romeos' they had met on the internet/holidays, who lost money/dignity through being conned.

 

And these women were articulate and intelligent, and were professional people with lucrative careers.

 

It happens.

Be cautious about who you give your heart to.

You will naturally say you know your situation far more than we would.

And of course, you'd be quite right.

However, that doesn't make you any less vulnerable or exempt from having your heart broken.

[nomadic_butterfly]

Met my boyfriend online acouple,e months ago, fell deeply inlove and will be seeing him in two months from today, but the thing is..

 

I am 24 living at home. My boyfriend is 27. My parents are old fashioned to the point where I can't tell them EVERYTHING concerning me and relationships. They only know about one other guy that I've been with.. I am old fashion to a point, but I am atleast open minded to the fact that there's other ways to bond..

 

So, what I did was said I'll be visiting a friend in two months rather than saying "I'll be visiting my boyfriend".. I feel ALITTLE guilt, but I feel this is best instead of allowing my parents to hold me back because of their misunderstanding.

 

It's so easy to say "Just talk to them", but knowing my parents talking to them will mainly be "You shouldn't do that" "I don't agree with this" "You aren't staying with a man alone like that whom we don't know" and I don't want that extra added to my stress though I am an adult.

 

..I won't be staying alone-alone with him because I'll be staying with his mom the first week since I want to get the feel of things and didn't feel ENTIRELY comfortable with being with him at his spot just yet. He understood completely.

 

I was going to tell my parents basically everything when I came back, but gradually from beginning to end.

 

Even though I am an adult, why am I still feeling guilty with not being straight up with my parents? I don't like it, but I feel is is best..

 

Hell, my sister lives on her own and doesn't tell my parents her whereabouts or her boyfriend. That's how bad it is lol.

 

Has anyone been in my situation that is close to my age or older? I feel abit immature, but dealing with parents such as mine.. Hiding some things seem like my only option.

 

I would hate to lie to my parents. In fact, it's insane how sharp my mom's intuition is; any time I try and sneak she knows EXACTLY what I am doing. I met my first bf initially online, first time we met in person was at an amusement park and that's the story of "where we met" but my mom saw through the bs LOL.

 

Anyway, I've met guys online before and yes, please email two of your closest friends with ALL THE SCOOP. His name, his picture, height, ethnicity, where he lives, his number, his email, where he works, your itinerary, when you expect to get back.

 

I will say if you have never met in person, be careful about putting too much expectation on things like "we're in love" etc. I believe super discerning people who can be objective and impartial can know if things will translate pretty well in person but still, no one can ever be 100% sure. There's things like hygiene, how he treats others, being attracted to his scent, selfless lover, etc. that only in person will tell. I personally hate disappointment so I try to be optimistic but also think about the other side of the coin too before meeting up.

 

 

An aside: Couple does = 2 Several= More than 2

[Els]

The only way you can change the dynamic between you and your parents is to move out. For as long as you live with them, they are going to see you as a child - ie they think their way is the only way, and they think you need their permission to do anything. It isn't easy to change things, but it absolutely has to start with you moving out.

 

That being said, it's good that your sister knows where you will be going. It's probably best to give her the exact details and have her investigate if you don't give her a call by the next day. Also, be sure to meet your bf in a public place, not a private location, and call your sister right away if anything seems amiss. I don't mean to scare you, but you likely have lived an overprotected life with such parents, so you are the ideal prey to predators due to your inexperience. Not saying your bf is necessarily one such, but better safe than sorry.

[TaraMaiden]

what was the name of the program then?

I don't know why you think it's funny. Why are you 'laughing'...?

Weird sense of humour....

 

Here's the programme...

 

here is a news article about the programme....

 

And here are three different articles on much the same theme....

 

There are plenty more, if you'd care to look.

 

If you can stop laughing, that is....

[acrosstheuniverse]

OP, do NOT go without telling at least two separate parties where you'll be, and get in touch with both of them at least once each day to let them know you're okay. You have no idea who this guy is or what will happen once you get there. Personally even on first dates in my own city I always let me best friend know where I'll be and touch base with her once I get home. I'm not remotely paranoid but you really can't be too careful.

[Ophelia27]

Ah telling the parents, I didn't go through all the replies so I do not know if it has been mentioned yet. Don't tell your family about him just yet. Wait until you met and tell them you met him on your "vacation". Say sparks flew and you two instantly hit it off.

 

I know it is far from fun to lie but it might make them feel more comfortable. You can always tell them afterwards (maybe after your family meets your boyfriend) the truth and tell them you wanted to meet him first before involving the family.

 

Good luck!

[FitChick]

If your relationship becomes serious, who would move where?

 

I would make sure I had enough money on my credit card if I were you so you could stay at a hotel in case it doesn't work out with his mother. Have you actually spoken to her?