NotOW35 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 My boyfriend is a MM...separated for quite a while. His divorce is taking forever because his wife keeps filing ridiculous motions. She just filed another motion to increase her alimony/child support pendente lite...she already gets MORE than she did when they were living together. She submitted a bunch of bills for home improvements and expects him to pay because she still isn't working (alcoholic). OW...have you been stuck with a divorcing man who has had a very lengthy divorce? How did you handle it emotionally? Did you give ultimatums?
thinkingofhim Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 This is just another list of reasons why you're angry at his stbx. Leave her be. She's just looking out for her own best interests. You need to look out for YOUR own best interests and ask him some tough questions. 6
Sub Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I have a good friend who was in a similar situation. Her boyfriend's estranged W was an alcoholic, with some serious issues. Their two sons had little contact with her after a certain point. The D took forever, but my friend and the MM just lived together like a regular couple, with each of their children from the previous relationship living with them as a family. No ultimatums. They were a little older (her in her 40's, him in his 50's) so I'm not sure if that makes a difference. Unfortunately, the W ended up taking her own life, and soon after my friend married the H. The friend has one of those "larger than life" kind of personalities, so nothing really phased her. She never seemed impatient. 1
whichwayisup Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Giving him an ultimatum is pointless in your situation. What is happening is out of his hands - He has no control over how long this is taking and certainly has no control over what his soon to be ex wife does. You either put up with it and wait it out if you think he's worth it, learn how to cope with it better and not get sucked into their drama of their divorce or walk away until he is officially divorced and the dust has settled. 5
Anne Boleyn Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 My husband's divorce took forever as she made everything into an argument. I understand the frustration, and I know it's not about best interests on her part, it's about delay, creating tension, friction, and enough obstacles that the divorce will halt. The thing to be aware of, especially if there are kids, this may not stop after the divorce comes through. She will always be the third party in your relationship who is out to cause trouble, if that's what she's doing. So it's not so much of an ultimatum about what is and isn't acceptable that you need... It's a serious reflection on if this kind of behavior is something you want to deal with for the rest of your life with this man. If the answer is yes, then there we have it. I'd look for outlets for your frustration, I'd be really careful to not take it out on your SO, and I'd accept that this behavior is your norm, not the exception. I promise you, especially if there are kids, it will never, ever go away. Or if it does, it won't for awhile. If you're not willing to put up with this for the rest of forever, tell him. Tell him you have a limit, you're reaching it, and see if there's anything he can do to prevent the behavior... And expect the answer will be no. In which case, be honest... Tell him you can't do this anymore and cut him loose. Realize, however, that may be just what his BS wants you to do and she'll want to see if it means he'll come back. Also be prepared that, if you do, if he does or doesn't, she may still try to make your life miserable.
Heart of Dixie Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 It's not his wife that's behind the motions. It's her lawyer who is acting in her best interests. That's how divorce works. One person files big, the other person counters big, and they settle somewhere in the middle. What each party asks for initially is usually riddiculous and way more than they know they will get. He can speed up the divorce at any time by giving her what she wants instead of contesting things, but that would not be in his best interests. She could concede to his demands and take less, but that wouldn't be in her best interests either. They both have every right to fight for what they are entitled to, and you are going to have to accept that. You aren't a part of their divorce and you have no standing in the matter. It's between them, not them and you. 1
Recommended Posts