zeemov Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 its a long story. this girl in my university i liked a year and so ago was the first girl i really ever liked and i felt was perfect for me (im 20 now). i started very awkward and felt she thought i was creepy at first but eventually after many tries she started talking back and we became very very close friends and she was very nice. shes a very conservative and kind of shy girl so i didn't want to drive her away by telling her how i feel i was waiting for the right moment. but i did send many signals she must have atleast felt i like her. then a few months later she starts becoming weird. sometimes she'd be all upset with me for no reason, then flirt with guys in front of me and so and many times she hurts me and i give up but then she does something nice and i try again. but this time she took it too far for me. we started off lately very nicely being really close and nice. but this week she asks me twice for some class notes and was awkward about it saying she wanted them quickly at that time eventhough i see her almost everyday but anyway i did it. then one day i went in to the library and saw her and as i was walking up to say hi i see her with this guy shes been friendly with lately and gives him a gift or something. then later i ask her if the notes were for her she says she gave them to that guy. so i feel hurt that she used me for getting closer to another dude. she has the right to like anyone and i cant stop her. but she knows i like her and were friends why would she use me like that? so im asking if i should talk to her about it or just let this girl go? i'm trying to convince myself not to take it personally since i find this girl to be amazing when she wants to be but i just cant seem to forgive her for using me. PS. next time we talk... is it better if i just say everything on my mind that i said here? or just let it go? in the end after this, i dont want to give her the satisfaction of rejecting me officially
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 You aren't dating this girl. She is free to date anybody she wants. I think it's was very insensitive of her & classless to borrow your notes to give to another guy. Why couldn't she give him her notes? In that sense, yes, she used you. I would talk to her about it. Say hey I gave you my notes because we were friends. I didn't give you my notes so you could give them to somebody else. That was really uncool. See how she reacts. If she does anything other than apologize, I'd be very cautious about continuing to interact with her. You now know that she is not the ethical person you presumed. You also know she wants another guy. Factor that into your decision about or not to continue to pursue her as more than a friend. Personally I think you have already been "friendzoned" because I'd like to think that if she knew you liked her unless she was a totally callous witch she would not have given your notes to somebody else. I know you said that you dropped a lot of hints & sent many signals but I don't know if she got them. Be more direct next time.
Author zeemov Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 Thanks, that was very helpful really. now she knows im upset with her and shes upset that im angry over such a thing cause she thinks im just angry about the notes when in fact im angry about being used, i thought i meant more to her than for her to see me as a means to get another guy. even if i was friendzoned, friends wouldnt do that to each other if she had the slightest hint i liked her. my question is, do i confront her next time i see her to make things clear? or do i wait for her to see if she cares enough to try to make up?
truth_seeker Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Stay away from her. Let her know she was a loser for using you. Then go cold on her. She doesn't respect you.
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 my question is, do i confront her next time i see her to make things clear? or do i wait for her to see if she cares enough to try to make up? You don't CONFRONT her. Confront is angry. You talk to her & calmly express your displeasure. If you wait for her you will be waiting along time & this may never get resolved. As for friends not giving their notes away, I'm going to disagree with you there. She may have some inkling that you like her which is why she didn't tell you what the notes were for. If I guy was just my friend, I would have no problem saying, hey you take better notes than me, can I have yours to give to [him]? I'd be less likely to do that if I knew the 1st guy was into me & would give me anything I wanted based on his attraction to me. Then again, I don't know her. She may just be clueless & not have an understanding that what she did was in poor taste.
truth_seeker Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Use this as a learning experience and stop trying to buddy up women. Stop trying to supplicate to their request, demand and desire. I agree but some guys feel if they become friends with the girl, she gets comfortable, lowers her guard, it opens the door for some action.
Author zeemov Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 If the OP was getting shagged by two other girls and had two other girls on his radar as well, he wouldn't even give two sh!!ts what this girl does. The sooner OP drops the one-itis thinking, the better for him. see that's where your mistaken, i don't really have the need to have a woman in my life just for the sake of having one, the fact is i'm only after this girl cause i find her special and the only one i would stand (no offence but i tend to find most other women to be pretty lame and naiive) otherwise i wouldn't bother having her around or occupying my thoughts with her cause and would find a much easier woman to go after. the fact is as much as i value her, i value my pride even more. I don't intend to keep anything going with her anymore, i just want the chance to say everything i wanted to say to her so i can have no regrets in the future. which is why my question is, do i wait for her to initiate so i say the stuff i want cause we see each other quite often, or do i initiate the talk?
Author zeemov Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 You just said the same thing I mentioned and you don't even know it. Notice the bolded part? That's what I'm talking about. You have a severe case of one-itis. You think this girl is your one and only. The only one that can ever make you happy or the only one you can ever stand. However you want to phrase. Notice a consistent theme here? One, one, one. I keep telling you, there is no such thing as "one" when it comes to women. You will meet dozens if not hundreds more amazing women than this chick here. Stop tying up your mental energy and well being towards someone who doesn't feel the same way about you. The right attitude to have here is "she doesn't like me. oh, well. onto the next one." Period. And like I said, no. Don't confront her or address anything with her. This girl clearly does not respect you or see you in the same light that you see her. Stop wasting your time and energy and just move on. Delete her number, texts, block her and move on. perhaps u have a point with the bolded part and u caught me. maybe i do have that one-itis or whatever ur talking about, but the fact still is i really dont fancy anyone else. ofcourse there will be other much prettier women, and its not that im intimidated by them or shy to talk to them, its just that im a weird individual with very weird habits and hobbies, and this girl i was talking about shared most of these with me which is why, eventhough she disrespected me and acted like a total b-word, would still be hard to find someone similar.
Fly Union Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 perhaps u have a point with the bolded part and u caught me. maybe i do have that one-itis or whatever ur talking about, but the fact still is i really dont fancy anyone else. ofcourse there will be other much prettier women, and its not that im intimidated by them or shy to talk to them, its just that im a weird individual with very weird habits and hobbies, and this girl i was talking about shared most of these with me which is why, eventhough she disrespected me and acted like a total b-word, would still be hard to find someone similar. OP, you are making good headway and I like it. You have acknowledged the problem (one-itis) and that's a very good start. PM me and I will direct you to a place where you will uncover even more knowledge and get even more support. Let me ask you a question, do you think the guy she is now crushing on and fawning over shares many of the same interests and hobbies that she does with you? Probably not. Why? Because attraction doesn't work that way. You can't use logic to reason with attraction. Attraction is purely driven my emotion. Once emotion takes over, all logic goes out the window. The fact of the matter is that this guy makes her vagina tingle and that's all that matters to her. Nothing else matters. Not you or whatever hobbies that you share in common. Not your feelings about her. Nothing. The other guy is attractive to her and that's all that matters to her. Anyway, PM and I'll link you to more knowledge. 1
Author zeemov Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 OP, you are making good headway and I like it. You have acknowledged the problem (one-itis) and that's a very good start. PM me and I will direct you to a place where you will uncover even more knowledge and get even more support. Let me ask you a question, do you think the guy she is now crushing on and fawning over shares many of the same interests and hobbies that she does with you? Probably not. Why? Because attraction doesn't work that way. You can't use logic to reason with attraction. Attraction is purely driven my emotion. Once emotion takes over, all logic goes out the window. The fact of the matter is that this guy makes her vagina tingle and that's all that matters to her. Nothing else matters. Not you or whatever hobbies that you share in common. Not your feelings about her. Nothing. The other guy is attractive to her and that's all that matters to her. Anyway, PM and I'll link you to more knowledge. so in ur line of thought, there is no way in hell anything i do can make her attracted to me again? cause there was a time (around when we met) when i was even closer to her than that guy that makes "her vag tingle" and she was really showing interest much more than she is now to that guy... my thinking is that i took too long to make a move, possibly due to my inexperience i was afraid of rejection, and now shes tired of waiting and i think i hurt her a few times by playing hard to get (cause i thought it would work at the time, possibly played it out too much :/ ) and now shes moving on... that is why im asking if i talk to her one last time, i dont care if she says she had no interest in me whatsoever and never, i would like to hear it so i dont end up saying what if later on. and as much as i got attached to this girl and find her perfect, i will get over her eventually. i just want to know so i dont waste time chasing a lost cause in case she has no interest... and at the same time know for sure that i have not wasted my chance with her in case she does feel the same... my intentions are to speak to her, i just want to know that such an action would not end up hurting me even more or cause me to do something i might regret (i can imagine myself shouting at her or even more in case she disrespects me when i open up to her)
Author zeemov Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Like I said, send me a PRIVATE MESSAGE. Anyway, to answer your questions. For the first bolded part, YOU CANNOT MAKE A GIRL ATTRACTED TO YOU. Like I said, attraction is not based on logic. You can't talk a girl into liking you. You can't do things to make a girl like you. Stop doing things to make girls attracted to you. Stop buying her things to get her attracted to you. Stop doing her every bidding to get her attracted to you. Attraction doesn't work that way. Talking to her one last time won't do anything except make you look even more pathetic, needy and useless than you already are to her. Stop confusing a woman being nice for her being attracted to you. If you want to keep being her "buddy buddy" then keep doing what you're doing and go try to "talk" attraction into her. Next this girl. You WILL NOT regret anything. Spend your time on your hobbies, work, school and other women. The only thing you will regret is wasting your time on a futile attempt to make someone attracted to you. i am very curious to see what sending u a pm to do, but i cant seem to do that as i dont find the option
Noproblem Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 She is not a good friend and she is not your girlfriend I don't see the point of you keeping her as friend when she has already changed! I mean I'll get really upset if you said of she loves another guy so our friendship is over, because it shouldn't be over because of that it should be over because she is not treating you fairly and she has changed Go find another friends, you will find another girls too......
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