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Posted

I've been in a long distance relationship since June of last year with a girl I met online. My first time going to see her was at the end of the year. I even met her family and spent quality time with her.

 

Since I've gotten back, things have taken a turn for the worse. She's become distant and it has caused me to develop trust issues. I've been browsing topics on this forum to see if I could identify with similar situations. We both started talking as friends but it later developed into a relationship. We used to chat everyday and watch movies together. Now we sit across from each other on skype, but were both doing something different. I've developed a habit of asking her what she's doing, whenever she's too quiet or not showing interest. The responses are usually one word or nothing at all, as if she didn't hear me.

 

I often ask her to be upfront and honest with me, because it's something that I've done from the start. She was the girl that I wanted to keep and wouldn't sacrifice losing for anything. I even stop drinking and going out as much because it was something she didn't like and for me she quit drinking and smoking. A few weeks after coming home from visiting her, I started to get this feeling that something was going on and that she wasn't telling me something. I had dreams and a feeling in chest and stomach that told me so. I guess that's what people call a "gut feeling". I found out that she was still communicating with an ex. I confronted her about it and we argued. It wasn't anything explicit but it was something I felt uncomfortable with. I felt that she'd rather confide in her ex than confide in me. She mentioned that "I feel broken" "Somethings missing, but I don't know what". I expressed how I felt about it and she expressed to me that she felt like I was doubting her.

 

When we quarrel, I usually try to explain in detail how I feel, but it doesn't always go well. At times she could be stubborn and hot-headed (myself sometimes as well). Lately she's mentioned that she's "done" and that "she doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't trust her". I'll admit that I've developed trust issues, but only because I've found things that would make me question her. Everything changed for me when she lied. I found a message in a email that we share that had someone she knew asking her out on a date. I didn't accuse her or attack her. I simply asked if she was going out tonight. She mention that she was but with family. But I knew that it was a lie. She even went through the motion of making up a whole story to make it sound legitimate. Part of it was true, I believe they had been with her mother at some point but, the rest was a one on one date, that she didn't go into detail about. From the start I knew what was going on but she felt the need to tell me different. To verify, I did something that could be both embarrassing, and humiliating.

 

I contacted the guy who was taking her out to confirm. I let him know that I was indeed her boyfriend and mentioned her being distant. He told me that they work together and that they did indeed go out to watch a cinema. I tried sleeping it off, but I couldn't rest. My heart raced and my chest hurt. "She lied to me" is all I could think. I couldn't understand why someone that I had been fully honest and loyal to would easily deceive me. She got home later than I had anticipated. I hadn't been able to sleep even after taken two sleep aids. She finally read the messages that I had sent her and refused to talk to me. Instead we text. (Sitting right across from each other, but via cam) I felt disrespected. She mentioned "I lied because you wouldn't have let me go out" the truth is, I did before. It was a different guy but they were friends. I felt like I had made the wrong decision. It was a short date and she came home and told me about it. This time it was different. She didn't want me to know from the start. I don't have a problem with her going out with friends as a group or maybe a girlfriend to hang out with but, she insist that it should be okay for her to go out one on one with this guy, that I will assume she finds attractive.

 

I expressed the pain that I felt and wanted answers. It almost felt as if she wanted me to admit that I was wrong for getting upset. I was furious. She felt like, I was keeping her from going out to have fun, but they key point that I made was that I had been deceived. She made it a point to mention how "embarrassing" it was that I contacted the guy. She expressed that she felt that I was being controlling and that she shouldn't have to explain herself. I never accused her of cheating, but she felt as if I did. We fought, we cried, we made up...but where do we go from here? I love this girl so much and she expresses that she loves me the same. I feel like this may become a frequent thing.

Posted

This relationship is over. Something changed her mind about you during and after the visit. I would not be surprised if this other guy was already in the picture before your visit and after, it just helped confirm/reinforce her doubts about you. It's easier for her to be in a relationship with someone local, as is for you. That also contributes to it.

 

Move on.

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Posted

You met her for the first time late last year and afterward she changed. You're not the man she thought you were.

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Posted
This relationship is over. Something changed her mind about you during and after the visit. I would not be surprised if this other guy was already in the picture before your visit and after, it just helped confirm/reinforce her doubts about you. It's easier for her to be in a relationship with someone local, as is for you. That also contributes to it.

 

Move on.

 

Easier said than done. I know for certain that she's had her heart broken plenty of times. I'm just not one to give up easily. I know to some that I may sound foolish but it was hard for her once I left. This is the first time I've been in a LDR. She's been in several that didn't work, but I'm the first one she's actually met. I get along with her family and they like me. I feel like giving up would entail me losing something that could have been more in the future. I'm open to hear from people who has been through similar. I honestly feel like fighting for this one. If it's going to be done, more than likely it's going to be when she calls it off. I'd be going back on my word of not giving up. I can't force anything.

Posted
I've been in a long distance relationship since June of last year with a girl I met online. My first time going to see her was at the end of the year. I even met her family and spent quality time with her.

 

It's good you two met in person and quite soon after you first met. Online relationships have the tendency to be based too much on hopes, dreams, conjecture, and fantasies. Often "what you had" online, doesn't work in real life.

 

Since I've gotten back, things have taken a turn for the worse. She's become distant and it has caused me to develop trust issues. I've been browsing topics on this forum to see if I could identify with similar situations. We both started talking as friends but it later developed into a relationship. We used to chat everyday and watch movies together. Now we sit across from each other on skype, but were both doing something different. I've developed a habit of asking her what she's doing, whenever she's too quiet or not showing interest. The responses are usually one word or nothing at all, as if she didn't hear me.

 

I'm not sure I would characterize your feelings as solely a "trust issue." Sounds to me like as a result of your visit *you* liked this girl as much or more than you did before you actually met. It also sounds that *she* was not as equally smitten, hence why things have cooled.

 

However, I don't quite understand why if she's not interested why she's wasting both of your time. Don't you both have something better to do?

 

Makes no sense to go on Skype and then sit there and ignore the other person. My guess is that she's chatting with other people while chatting with you or waiting for someone else she wants to chat with to come online.

 

Even though you say you've asked her what is wrong or tried to get her to pay attention to you, you're accepting and enabling her behavior by continuing to show and put up with it.

 

Ask yourself this: In real life, if every time you walked up to a girl, tried to engage her in conversation and she turned her head, hummed to herself while she filed her nails, and started chatting with her other friends leaving you standing there in silence, no matter how much *you* liked her, wouldn't you get the message that the interest wasn't mutual?

 

I often ask her to be upfront and honest with me, because it's something that I've done from the start.

 

Sometimes people agree to do so, but that doesn't mean they "walk the talk."

 

She was the girl that I wanted to keep and wouldn't sacrifice losing for anything.

 

How old are you two? How many relationships have the two of you had? Is this the first time any of you have "met" someone online and attempted to make it into a relationship?

 

I even stop drinking and going out as much because it was something she didn't like and for me she quit drinking and smoking.

 

While it's good both of you dropped habits that aren't good for you, *you* need to be accountable for your own well-being and when you hand over that responsibility to someone else, you're doing it for all the wrong reasons.

 

A few weeks after coming home from visiting her, I started to get this feeling that something was going on and that she wasn't telling me something. I had dreams and a feeling in chest and stomach that told me so. I guess that's what people call a "gut feeling".

 

No, having bad dreams, getting a tightness in your chest or being sick to your stomach is not what people mean by "having a gut feeling." What's meant by that is that you get the feeling based on the situation or another's words and actions that something isn't adding up quite right and all is not what you hope, were told, or it seems.

 

I found out that she was still communicating with an ex. I confronted her about it and we argued. It wasn't anything explicit but it was something I felt uncomfortable with. I felt that she'd rather confide in her ex than confide in me.

 

What do you mean "you found out." How do you know what was the content of their conversations? Did the two of you agree to be boyfriend/girlfriend and exclusive or was it just your assumption that was the case?

 

She mentioned that "I feel broken" "Somethings missing, but I don't know what". I expressed how I felt about it and she expressed to me that she felt like I was doubting her.

 

I can see how she felt you were doubting her. Sounds as if you were hurt and wanted more than an explanation. Her response just fanned the flames of your fear.

 

When we quarrel, I usually try to explain in detail how I feel, but it doesn't always go well. At times she could be stubborn and hot-headed (myself sometimes as well). Lately she's mentioned that she's "done" and that "she doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't trust her". I'll admit that I've developed trust issues, but only because I've found things that would make me question her. Everything changed for me when she lied. I found a message in a email that we share that had someone she knew asking her out on a date. I didn't accuse her or attack her. I simply asked if she was going out tonight. She mention that she was but with family. But I knew that it was a lie. She even went through the motion of making up a whole story to make it sound legitimate. Part of it was true, I believe they had been with her mother at some point but, the rest was a one on one date, that she didn't go into detail about. From the start I knew what was going on but she felt the need to tell me different.

 

Ever heard the saying: "Why don't I believe you when *you show me* who you are?

 

What that means in a nutshell, is that actions always speak louder than words. If a person shows you by their actions and behavior that they don't respect or value you, *that* should be the only proof you need that their word means nothing and it's time to walk away and move on.

 

To verify, I did something that could be both embarrassing, and humiliating.

 

No, I'd call it desperation.

 

I contacted the guy who was taking her out to confirm. I let him know that I was indeed her boyfriend and mentioned her being distant.

 

In your mind she was, but in hers? Sorry, but I don't think she thinks "she's your property." Again, what did you both agree was the status of your relationship?

 

He told me that they work together and that they did indeed go out to watch a cinema. I tried sleeping it off, but I couldn't rest. My heart raced and my chest hurt. "She lied to me" is all I could think. I couldn't understand why someone that I had been fully honest and loyal to would easily deceive me.

 

Probably because you two are two different relationships. For whatever reason, you thought you were in a serious, committed one. My guess is that she thinks of you as a friend.

 

She got home later than I had anticipated. I hadn't been able to sleep even after taken two sleep aids. She finally read the messages that I had sent her and refused to talk to me.

 

Let me guess why she refused to talk to you? Did it have anything to do with what you said or the tone of your texts?

 

Instead we text. (Sitting right across from each other, but via cam)

 

Again, I don't see the point of the "communication style" you two have. Why bother at all if you're going to try and have a serious discussion and do it that way?

 

I felt disrespected.

 

You may have, but on the other hand, were you entitled to feel this way if she was not on the same wavelength about what sort of relationship the two of you had?

 

She mentioned "I lied because you wouldn't have let me go out" the truth is, I did before. It was a different guy but they were friends. I felt like I had made the wrong decision. It was a short date and she came home and told me about it. This time it was different. She didn't want me to know from the start. I don't have a problem with her going out with friends as a group or maybe a girlfriend to hang out with but, she insist that it should be okay for her to go out one on one with this guy, that I will assume she finds attractive.

 

I can see why she didn't tell you. She knew you would have a fit about it which means she must realize *your* feelings toward her are stronger than *hers* are for you.

 

Why she just doesn't cut you loose, I don't understand. But on the other hand you said she had told you "she's done" (as in done with you), and for what ever reason you refuse to hear what she's saying or showing you via her behavior.

 

I expressed the pain that I felt and wanted answers.

 

Did you buy this girl at an auction or something? You DON'T own her no matter what you'd like to think or wish was true.

 

It almost felt as if she wanted me to admit that I was wrong for getting upset. I was furious.

 

Well, she has a point. You WERE wrong for acting that way if you made the assumption that the two of you were in the kind of relationship that you were and are not.

 

She felt like, I was keeping her from going out to have fun, but they key point that I made was that I had been deceived.

 

How exactly? Because the relationship you had created in your mind didn't measure up to the reality of the situation?

 

She made it a point to mention how "embarrassing" it was that I contacted the guy. She expressed that she felt that I was being controlling and that she shouldn't have to explain herself.

 

Sorry, but I'm on her side on both of those.

 

I never accused her of cheating, but she felt as if I did.

 

Yes, you did accuse her of cheating. You made it clear how unacceptable it was for "your girl" to be spending time with another guy -- AKA "cheating."

 

We fought, we cried, we made up...but where do we go from here? I love this girl so much and she expresses that she loves me the same. I feel like this may become a frequent thing.

 

Uh, yep. Until you two are solidly on the same page about expectations I'd lay money on you'll be having plenty more "Groundhog Days." I'd take the advice you were given by others -- "she's just not into you" -- time to face reality, and move on.

 

 

HTH,

TMichaels

Posted

I'm so sorry but I think you are wasting your time.

 

It sounds very much as though she grew attached to you before you met. Then, when she met you, the feeling didn't translate into real life so she turned the focus of her attention on someone else.

 

She may tell you that she loves you but her actions suggest otherwise and, from the way you describe your relationship, I'm not sure what you actually get out of it.

 

Successful LDRs take equal effort on both sides so you're fighting a losing battle with this one.

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Posted

Were exclusive. It's not an open relationship. I will admit that I do overreact sometimes and it may annoy her. It's something that I have to work on. I wasn't thinking clearly when I made the decisions that I decided to make. (Contacting him) I feel embarrassed for having done so. I know that it sounds to you all that this is not a "real" relationship, but it is. It's not the easiest, but it's progressive. Writing everything that I did, I failed to mention the type of person she is. While we may have disputes and fights like a normal couple, we also share some of the same traits (good ones). She's kind, caring, and considerate (I know what you may be thinking) but she has everything that I could as for in a woman. When I went there, she didn't reject me, she cared for me as much as I did for her. I know because she was hurt when I had to leave. I know and understand what everyone's saying but its not how you think it is. If she wanted it to be over, it would be. While I was there, it was as if we had been together for much longer. Were in our 20's. She's 22, I'm 24. Were both young and have had our share of relationships. Its the first time that we have both met someone and formed a serious relationship from online. I know what she's been through and now understand clearly how she feels after we talked.

 

She doesn't get out much, she doesn't have a lot of friends, and I now realize that I had been a little controlling. I didn't understand until some things were pointed out to me. I accused her indirectly and was showing the lack of trust that I had, which pretty much led to the lie. I will admit, that the tone of my text were accusatory but I just wanted to know why couldn't the truth be told. Just to confirm what I thought in my head. I hadn't been in a relationship for three years before I started this one. My life has changed for the better and I want to build a future with her. Our families want us to be together and work through things. Understand this is not a simple "online" fling. As far as knowing the content of the conversation, we share emails.

 

In conclusion, I realize that I should lighten up and let her have friends. I don't see her as property or something I own. I'm not putting titles on things to promote that I "believe" that were together. It's just the truth of the matter. I have to work on my trust and attitude. Were not perfect but I feel that every relationship is going to have rocky moments. This is one of those moments that I felt that I had to share with you all. She told me everything. She didn't want to end things but she want to get everything out in the open. I don't feel like she'll be unfaithful (cheat), but should I worry if she has guy friends? I can say that I'm not use to it. I'm thankful for all your opinions and taking the time to read through my story. I want to move past what happen and look forward to the future. I'll keep you all up to date.

 

-Loyal

Posted

First of all, I must say that while reading your first (opening) post, I thought the very same things anyone else in here thought of: something didn't click during your meeting.

 

I have no proof of that, but see below.

 

My first time going to see her was at the end of the year. I even met her family and spent quality time with her.
What is this quality time you're talking about? I didn't read a single word about being intimate. About being sexual. About being alone. Let me be blunt: did you get intimate with her? Naked? Did you have sex? How far did you go? Was she looking forward to it? Or she didn't show any sign of wanting that? You need to give us more details.

 

The fact that she was caring with you and enjoying your company means nothing per se. I mean: how passionate was she?? Did she kiss you with tongue at the airport or whatever and didn't want to let you go and hold you tight before you were leaving? How intense were her feelings for you??

 

You met her for the first time late last year and afterward she changed. You're not the man she thought you were.
That's possible. And I bet you have all the clues to know that.
Posted

You admit to being controlling. I was with a controlling man for 18 yrs. It's all about not losing face and not about your actual feelings. Or hers for that matter. Is she still talking to you, one word at a time, because you make her feel she has to? Is she too weak to go NC with you? Do you keep contact with her family also as a way of controlling her? All posters here say she is not that into you (and now you want them all to shut up), she basically shows you that she actually isn’t every day and still you tell yourself this is something really special because you'd look weak and quite ridiculous if you had to admit to the fact that she had gone off you the moment you actually met. Let her go! She is not yours to keep.

Posted (edited)
Were exclusive...

I hadn't been in a relationship for three years before I started this one. My life has changed for the better and I want to build a future with her...

 

Were not perfect but I feel that every relationship is going to have rocky moments. ... I don't feel like she'll be unfaithful (cheat), but should I worry if she has guy friends? I can say that I'm not use to it. -Loyal

 

1. You say you're exclusive - How does a couple express their exclusively? You're not married or engaged, you dont have children, so how?? The only meaning of the word "exclusive" is : NOT DATING OTHER GUYS! if she says only "NO SEX" so what about a kiss? or oral? Because the other guys will think its a real date and will make their moves.

 

maybe if you're a couple of 5-10 years together and established a solid strong routine and connection, Its OK to hang out with other guys friends that she and you trust. guys that you're allowed to see them your self and you feel OK with them, that after the hanging out she comes back to sleep with you, that sometimes you also join them etc....

 

But you have a very fresh and new relationship, you're long distance which make it 'shaky' and, vulnerable, so the only thing that can define the mutual commitment is "NOT DATING WITH OTHERS".

 

2. the lies...

 

the reason she gave you for her lieing to you is unacceptable. because its a free pass to lie. it means that every time she will feel uncomfortable with what you say or want, she is allowed to lie.

 

and finally - you only caught her with one lie, with a piece of evidence, randomly occurred. It is very strange to me that the one and only time she ever lied to you - its the time you accidently caught her with a stupid mistake because of a wrong Email. ahmmm...

 

I say that the chances she only lied to you once, are very very small. She lied to you many times. I'm not saying she cheated. I dont know that. but she is definetly a liar.

 

Its your call. you live in denial because you want her so much and you are blind to the reality!

Edited by lolablue17
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Posted
First of all, I must say that while reading your first (opening) post, I thought the very same things anyone else in here thought of: something didn't click during your meeting.

 

I have no proof of that, but see below.

 

What is this quality time you're talking about? I didn't read a single word about being intimate. About being sexual. About being alone. Let me be blunt: did you get intimate with her? Naked? Did you have sex? How far did you go? Was she looking forward to it? Or she didn't show any sign of wanting that? You need to give us more details.

 

The fact that she was caring with you and enjoying your company means nothing per se. I mean: how passionate was she?? Did she kiss you with tongue at the airport or whatever and didn't want to let you go and hold you tight before you were leaving? How intense were her feelings for you??

 

That's possible. And I bet you have all the clues to know that.

 

I'm not including every intimate detail about what happened. We were passionate. We were loving. We kissed (in public, in private), we held each other. She introduced me to her friends from work. She didn't want me to leave, she sat with me until I had to board and had a difficult time keeping herself together. She was upset that my time there had ended so soon. I'm not making up anything to make any of you think differently. I'm not giving you all a fairy tale. I'd rather not go into details about what we did romantically because I'm a private person, but you could use your imagination. I've recently talked with her family about her visiting me and what the future holds for us as far as being together. They see that were both serious about each other and they've also come to accept me as apart of their family.

 

I will admit again that I overreacted and wrote everything in the heat of the moment. I've come down from that. She's apologized and were moving past it.

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Posted
You admit to being controlling. I was with a controlling man for 18 yrs. It's all about not losing face and not about your actual feelings. Or hers for that matter. Is she still talking to you, one word at a time, because you make her feel she has to? Is she too weak to go NC with you? Do you keep contact with her family also as a way of controlling her? All posters here say she is not that into you (and now you want them all to shut up), she basically shows you that she actually isn’t every day and still you tell yourself this is something really special because you'd look weak and quite ridiculous if you had to admit to the fact that she had gone off you the moment you actually met. Let her go! She is not yours to keep.

 

I don't tell her what do or how to act or where to go, but when I was confronted about it, I understood what she meant by it. I'm not controlling by nature but I was making her feel like I didn't trust her. I was being selfish, but not purposely. I don't ask to speak to her family to control anything. I'm not a manipulative person. Her family speaks with me. I'm not using her family to control her. You're making me out to be the something that I'm not. As I've expressed in the previous post, I'm not giving every intimate detail of my visit. what's done in private, is kept in private. I believe that may be the reason everyone is thinking that she may see as being "just a friend." I'm not trying to disrespect anyone here. I came and gave my thoughts. I'm sorry that you had to bear being controlled for 18 years but I'm not the person you were with. I'm not a mean spirited person. I can't force her to talk to me, I've come to learn that if a woman's not in the mood to talk, then let her be. She's not weak, if she didn't want to talk to me at all, she could leave me anytime she wanted. I can't force her to stay. I can't post every single detail about our relationship here, but I will say that it's not empty.

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Posted
1. You say you're exclusive - How does a couple express their exclusively? You're not married or engaged, you dont have children, so how?? The only meaning of the word "exclusive" is : NOT DATING OTHER GUYS! if she says only "NO SEX" so what about a kiss? or oral? Because the other guys will think its a real date and will make their moves.

 

maybe if you're a couple of 5-10 years together and established a solid strong routine and connection, Its OK to hang out with other guys friends that she and you trust. guys that you're allowed to see them your self and you feel OK with them, that after the hanging out she comes back to sleep with you, that sometimes you also join them etc....

 

But you have a very fresh and new relationship, you're long distance which make it 'shaky' and, vulnerable, so the only thing that can define the mutual commitment is "NOT DATING WITH OTHERS".

 

2. the lies...

 

the reason she gave you for her lieing to you is unacceptable. because its a free pass to lie. it means that every time she will feel uncomfortable with what you say or want, she is allowed to lie.

 

and finally - you only caught her with one lie, with a piece of evidence, randomly occurred. It is very strange to me that the one and only time she ever lied to you - its the time you accidently caught her with a stupid mistake because of a wrong Email. ahmmm...

 

I say that the chances she only lied to you once, are very very small. She lied to you many times. I'm not saying she cheated. I dont know that. but she is definetly a liar.

 

Its your call. you live in denial because you want her so much and you are blind to the reality!

 

I agree with you on the "guy friends". I've expressed this to her, the night that we discussed everything from the first post. I'm okay with it being a friend or someone we both know personally. I know that she doesn't get out often, and when she does its with her family or to run errands and I'm 100% sure of that. Who believes that "choosing who she hangs out with" is being controlling or showing distrust? I've known a few women that would agree that it is and some that would agree that it isn't.

 

I've been aware to the reality of everything. I've seen and saw all that could be done, but I've seen people come back from it. (Lies, cheating, marriage, divorce, reconciliation) I'm not saying that its acceptable. I've made that clear. I'm saying that what's inevitable will happen. No relationship's perfect and I'm sure marriages aren't either. It's one's own choice to choose what they will. I've made my choice. If I live to regret it, I'll be back to write about. If it prospers, I'll be back to write about it.

 

Again I'm thankful for your opinions and your thoughts. I never thought of some of these things until they were brought to my attention. I may appear weak to a lot of you, dumb, or just naive...but it's my call. I want to see this through. Things are getting better and I'm sure will continue to.

Posted
Who believes that "choosing who she hangs out with" is being controlling or showing distrust? I've known a few women that would agree that it is and some that would agree that it isn't.

 

If you live together, and she hangs out with friends (M+F), or with a one mail friend that you know, and you're in principle invited or with a male friend you dont know but it's for business meeting or studying ect... AND YOURE INVITED IN PRINCIPLE, then what you wrote here is true.

 

But if I have a girlfriend and she's going IN THE EVENING OR NIGHT on a date with a NEW male??!!!! well, she can go, but i'm not there when she comes back. if he's an old friend, OK, but a new male friend one on one?

 

It happend to me more then once. one time when she actually was at the door fully dressed and prepared to go, I sat quietly in front of the TV and said: "bye sweetie, just letting you know that if step out of the door to meet this new guy this evening, I already have boxes to pack and when you're coming back, i'm not here and it over"!

She tried to explain, begged, then said its too late to cancel because the guy is already waiting for her in the bar, Which I replied: "so go, and it will be too late for you to see me ever in your life" So she canceled her date, and learned not to mess up with me any more.

 

So I wonder. does she claim she is allowed to go for dates with new male friends? because the next thing you should answer that it applies to both sides, and you are going to date other girls, which you didnt until today.

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Posted
If you live together, and she hangs out with friends (M+F), or with a one mail friend that you know, and you're in principle invited or with a male friend you dont know but it's for business meeting or studying ect... AND YOURE INVITED IN PRINCIPLE, then what you wrote here is true.

 

But if I have a girlfriend and she's going IN THE EVENING OR NIGHT on a date with a NEW male??!!!! well, she can go, but i'm not there when she comes back. if he's an old friend, OK, but a new male friend one on one?

 

It happend to me more then once. one time when she actually was at the door fully dressed and prepared to go, I sat quietly in front of the TV and said: "bye sweetie, just letting you know that if step out of the door to meet this new guy this evening, I already have boxes to pack and when you're coming back, i'm not here and it over"!

She tried to explain, begged, then said its too late to cancel because the guy is already waiting for her in the bar, Which I replied: "so go, and it will be too late for you to see me ever in your life" So she canceled her date, and learned not to mess up with me any more.

 

So I wonder. does she claim she is allowed to go for dates with new male friends? because the next thing you should answer that it applies to both sides, and you are going to date other girls, which you didnt until today.

 

I'm thankful that you share this with me. She mentioned to me at one point, "Do you want me to go now?" To not be controlling "I said you should go out with your family and have fun." I will bring this up. I'm not sure if it would bring conflict or solution but this is something I need to know.

Posted

Maybe you can send her a link to this thread.

  • Author
Posted
Maybe you can send her a link to this thread.

 

She wouldn't read it. I'm sure of that. She would feel like I'm putting her on front street. I've tried that before with an article on relationships. She felt like I was trying to say that she's not being a good gf. It was something about "why people shouldn't talk to there exes. lol Now that I look back on it, it sounds like I was trying to accuse her. I will speak to her later on tonight.

Posted
She wouldn't read it. I'm sure of that. She would feel like I'm putting her on front street. I've tried that before with an article on relationships. She felt like I was trying to say that she's not being a good gf. It was something about "why people shouldn't talk to there exes. lol Now that I look back on it, it sounds like I was trying to accuse her. I will speak to her later on tonight.

 

 

But I dont understand. Beside all her declarations about independence and all this "you're being controlling" crap, Is she in fact insist to date other guys?

  • 1 month later...
  • Author
Posted
But I dont understand. Beside all her declarations about independence and all this "you're being controlling" crap, Is she in fact insist to date other guys?

 

In conclusion, she felt like I didn't trust her enough. She started to act single (going on dates despite being in a relationship, but with the same guy). I was right about this co-worker wanting to be more than just friends...why? Because today I can say that I've been replaced. She's dating an older man but it claiming that she's only doing it because I'm not there. Her and I both started as friends. I was there when she needed someone to talk to. I had no plans on starting a relationship until a few months later. This older man (40s) started to take her out more and suggest that they become more than friends. This became the source of our fights. She eventually gave into him.

 

I'm currently having a hard time forgetting any of this ever happened. A girl that I thought was sweet and kind hearted...became cold and heartless. I can't wrap my head around the idea that...she'd go from me to another man, in the middle of a relationship. Despite my good ties with her family, she reminded me that it was about how she felt and not anyone else. In the end...everything I had done to made things right didn't work at all. I'm alone...and often my thoughts go to her being intimate and close to this older man. I feel like he's taken everything away from me....all the plans we made...the promises...she wasn't patient enough to wait for me...It may be a while before I return to this forum again...none of this was fair. I still have a lot of unanswerd questions...but hey...this is life.

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