ohioisforlovers Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Last night ago my girlfriend and I were laying in my bed and I was giving her a back massage. Eventually she told me she wanted to have sex so I got a rubber. She said "rub my back a bit more first" and I did for about 10 minutes, then I said "alright lets fu**" We did and afterwards she went home to shower and all that. Well today she was upset because she felt that all I wanted was sex last night. I said "you were the one that came on to me" and she said "you didn't even bother rubbing my back" I told her "are you serious? I rubbed it for ten minutes, before that it was for like 15" basically she is upset that I didn't do more for her. Am I seriously in the wrong?
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Men need sex to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to have sex. She wanted more foreplay. You weren't "wrong" but you did misunderstand. She may also have objected to your verb choice. Make love would have been better. Send her some flowers or do something else random & loving -- a snail mail card for "no reason", a balloon, a small teddy bear something tangible to assure her that she means more to you then just a warm body. If it's in the budget, get her a real massage at a spa.
central Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 You're not wrong, did nothing wrong. She sounds like a "princess" type, or perhaps just delusional.
Keenly Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Men need sex to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to have sex. She wanted more foreplay. You weren't "wrong" but you did misunderstand. She may also have objected to your verb choice. Make love would have been better. Send her some flowers or do something else random & loving -- a snail mail card for "no reason", a balloon, a small teddy bear something tangible to assure her that she means more to you then just a warm body. If it's in the budget, get her a real massage at a spa. Thats an apology. One of the ways men get sucked into an abusive relationship is when he is made yo believe he is always wrong and must constantly be making up some foul deed to her. Since he did nothing wrong, he should not perform any kind of apologetic act. She needs to grow up. Personally I'd probably get frustrated and just tell her fine, we won't have sex anymore. 4
ffw Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I agree with Keenly. It seems you are going to take a long walk over eggshells.
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 You were in the midst of giving her a massage and SHE said she wanted to have sex. You're not a mind reader -- to know that she wants you to massage her for another 7 minutes and 46 seconds AND THEN have sex. Give me a break. And if she felt offended, then she should have said something then and there instead of going through all that and then expressing it the next day. It's passive aggresive. You didn't do anything wrong. 3
Chalkdust89 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Last night ago my girlfriend and I were laying in my bed and I was giving her a back massage. Eventually she told me she wanted to have sex so I got a rubber. She said "rub my back a bit more first" and I did for about 10 minutes, then I said "alright lets fu**" Nothing would turn me off more than a guy saying that. I think you probably should have done some more foreplay to keep her in the mood. You don't need to send her a gift or anything, but maybe next time, you shouldn't jump in to it so quickly. If she feels like you're really taking care of her and concerned about her needs, she'll probably be more into it and enjoy it more. The sex will be better, everybody wins! I agree though, she should have said something in the moment if she was annoyed. Easier said than done, I guess.
TAV Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Nothing would turn me off more than a guy saying that. I think you probably should have done some more foreplay to keep her in the mood. You don't need to send her a gift or anything, but maybe next time, you shouldn't jump in to it so quickly. If she feels like you're really taking care of her and concerned about her needs, she'll probably be more into it and enjoy it more. The sex will be better, everybody wins! I agree though, she should have said something in the moment if she was annoyed. Easier said than done, I guess. I agree, this wasn't a 'let's f*ck' moment. She probably enjoyed the first part of the massage, felt really close to you and horny and then when you had to get the rubber it broke the spell. She tried to get it back by asking you to keep massaging but your mind probably was not into it anymore. Your eye was on the prize. In the end it was not the fantastic, hot sex she had in mind and she felt letdown. And frustrated No biggie; just both try to communicate a bit better during and after.
HeavenOrHell Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Some women like dirty words/talk, I do. We don't all need tons of foreplay every time. Nothing would turn me off more than a guy saying that. I think you probably should have done some more foreplay to keep her in the mood. You don't need to send her a gift or anything, but maybe next time, you shouldn't jump in to it so quickly. If she feels like you're really taking care of her and concerned about her needs, she'll probably be more into it and enjoy it more. The sex will be better, everybody wins! I agree though, she should have said something in the moment if she was annoyed. Easier said than done, I guess.
HeavenOrHell Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Misunderstood what exactly? She said she wanted sex! And we don't all want or like the term 'make love'. Men need sex to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to have sex. She wanted more foreplay. You weren't "wrong" but you did misunderstand. She may also have objected to your verb choice. Make love would have been better. Send her some flowers or do something else random & loving -- a snail mail card for "no reason", a balloon, a small teddy bear something tangible to assure her that she means more to you then just a warm body. If it's in the budget, get her a real massage at a spa.
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I have my soft days when it's all about making love and then I have my raunchy days when I say come here and f*** me. Sometimes I like me some plain vanilla and sometimes I like me some chocolate! If "let's f" was an issue to her and was offensive, she would have jumped and gotten turned off by it. Instead she went ahead and, well...f'd. 1
FitChick Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 You only rubbed her back. Next time try rubbing her front, too. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Misunderstood what exactly? She said she wanted sex! And we don't all want or like the term 'make love'. Misunderstood her desire for more intimacy & continuation of the massage. In certain circumstances dirty talk or more physical sex is great but in that moment after / during a massage, something more tender seemed more appropriate to me (& based upon what he described as his GF's reaction, to her too) I'm not saying she communicated her desire clearly. I'm not saying the OP did anything wrong. I offered a suggestion about how to soothe hurt feelings. If the OP wants to carry on about who's right or wrong & assert how he was victimized by the fact that his GF got upset by his behavior, he can do that. If he would like to continue dating her without all the drama appeasement is the better option. Why is it that so many people want to throw gasoline on an incendiary situation rather than try to find a way to peace? The peace offerings I suggested were also more about empathy for her hurt feelings not an admission that he intentionally hurt them. If you give someone a card that says Get Well Soon, that doesn't mean you made them ill. 2
Fly Union Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Massive ****e test. Beware. She is trying to test your frame and see how strong you are. Do not budge or give in to her whining complaints. Just ignore them. If she pulls attention 10%, you pull attention 20%. Ignore the guy who said send her flowers, candy and a teddy bear to show her you care. LMFAO. WTF? You did absolutely nothing wrong. You gave her a massage and gave her the D when she asked for it. The b!!tch should be happy.
Author ohioisforlovers Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 We were laying watchng tv and I had been rubbing her back for 20-25 minutes. she put her hand down my pants for a few minutes and said "go get a condom" to me that implies "lets fu**" skip the foreplay lets just fu** when i got it she wa slying face down and i rubbed her back and butt for about 10 more minutes than went to put my hand down her pants but she said "no", so i said alright "lets **** then" i don't see what i could have done wrong
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Massive ****e test. Beware. She is trying to test your frame and see how strong you are. Do not budge or give in to her whining complaints. Just ignore them. If she pulls attention 10%, you pull attention 20%. Ignore the guy who said send her flowers, candy and a teddy bear to show her you care. LMFAO. WTF? You did absolutely nothing wrong. You gave her a massage and gave her the D when she asked for it. The b!!tch should be happy. First of all I'm a woman not a guy. As a woman, if a guy I was dating responded as you are suggesting, we wouldn't be dating any more.
Keenly Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 The b!!tch should be happy. A regular casa nova haha. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 We were laying watchng tv and I had been rubbing her back for 20-25 minutes. she put her hand down my pants for a few minutes and said "go get a condom" to me that implies "lets fu**" skip the foreplay lets just fu** when i got it she wa slying face down and i rubbed her back and butt for about 10 more minutes than went to put my hand down her pants but she said "no", so i said alright "lets **** then" i don't see what i could have done wrong Fine. But what do you want to do NOW? Do you want to continue to complain that you're right or do you want a shot at getting lucky tonight? If it's the latter at the very least you have to talk to her & get her to understand that you care about her. Does it really matter whose fault it is that she got it into her head that you don't care about her? You two have a communications issue. She needs to speak her desires & you have to stop inferring things. Unless you fix the communications issues -- which will only happen if you talk to her -- you will have more of these misunderstandings & you will break up. If that's what you want, keep doing what you are doing. If you want to move forward & have a deeper connection, do something to heal her pain.
Phantom888 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 OP: don't put up with this crap. This is complete manipulation. You did nothing wrong. She is being immature. Absolutely nothing to be upset about.....she's being lame. 1
slizl Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 "okay, let's fu**" LOL. I bet she was dry before you even finished saying the word "fu**". Smooth bro. Not to say that you can't say something along those lines if things are getting hot and heavy, but probably not the best idea during a massage. 2
zeemov Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 even though women enjoy sex, most of the time they still think of it as doing u a favour when in a relationship (cause evolutionarily speaking sex=having ur baby=shes wasting her life for 9 months even though ur not really having a child) anyway, on to the point, when u told her to do it, she felt like u just wanted to get it over with and that the only reason u rubbed her back was for whats after (even though maybe that was the reason )... so she got upset, ur not technically in the wrong she just wanted u to be more considerate or something
Author ohioisforlovers Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 even though women enjoy sex, most of the time they still think of it as doing u a favour when in a relationship (cause evolutionarily speaking sex=having ur baby=shes wasting her life for 9 months even though ur not really having a child) anyway, on to the point, when u told her to do it, she felt like u just wanted to get it over with and that the only reason u rubbed her back was for whats after (even though maybe that was the reason )... so she got upset, ur not technically in the wrong she just wanted u to be more considerate or something well it's not. i rub her back all the time
spiderowl Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 "okay, let's fu**" You said that to her and she's still with you? Some women may like crudity but many don't and it's wise to know which before you say such things.
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