pedwin Posted January 22, 2005 Posted January 22, 2005 Hi there! I'm not sure how many familiar faces are still here. It's been a while since I wrote. It has been almost a year since I found out I was married to a snake!!!!! I have tried and tried to put it behind me but have been unsuccessful. He is still in counseling but I really believe it's all for show. I don't trust him and I really don't like him most of the time. Sex is almost non existent ( my choice not his). He is self centered and always puts himself first. This is not a trait I find attractive. I have had his children every weekend for two months. Last night was the first weekend we had alone. Instead of staying home with me he left to run an errand for a friend and came home at 12:30. Today I'm pissed and he is acting like he's clueless as to why! As a matter of fact he told me I was being unreasonable??? Go figure! Thanks for listening, I needed to vent! Pedwin
Owl Posted January 24, 2005 Posted January 24, 2005 Hey Pedwin, I think I got here sometime after you'd stopped posting on LS, but thought I'd say hello. Sorry to hear how things have gone for you! Venting can be a good thing...I ramble on here a lot rather than do so at home...allows me to work through some of what I'm feeling and dealing with without making my wife miserable and even more guilty over things. I hope things work out for you tho...hang in there!
StillHurtin Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 It's nice to see you here again. I was wondering where you were. I am sorry things haven't gotten any better. Rem, if you need to vent I am here for ya, email me anytime.
Author pedwin Posted February 2, 2005 Author Posted February 2, 2005 Hi Owl thanks for writing. I will go back and read your story. You sound like a nice person not wanting your wife to feel miserable. Am I correct in assuming that she caused you this pain you are feeling? Hi still hurtin' How are ya!!!!!!! I sent you a personal EM. I hope things are ok with you. Pedwin!
Mr Spock Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 Pedwin, the next time he comes home late pull down his pants and smell his penis. If you smell p*ssy, you'll know.
jmargel Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 OMG.. what is he, a dog? Spock, if I were to reverse the roles and told a husband who was cheated on to smell his wife's puss because if an insecurity, I would get probably banned from this forum. Pedwin, if you want to be with him it sounds like you two will have to goto counseling together. If you don't, then get things ready for that. If it's been a year and you still don't trust him, then I guess he is doing other things behind your back other than going out with a friend?
Mr Spock Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 Bonk, bonk. Surefire way to tell if he's been dipping the wick and not bothering to clean up afterwards. I don't see how that would get you banned. Why don't you try it and see? I won't miss you. Pedwin, if you don't trust him then don't trust him. Make him accountable for his whereabouts.
jmargel Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 You really know how to make your immaturity shine, don't you?
Mr Spock Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 Like gleaming chrome. Besides, Pedwin's already stated she truly feels counselling for him is a sham. What's left to do but catch him at it again? If he's not truly sorry for his actions he'll do it again, and since he seems extremely selfish chances are he's NOT sorry, just sorry he was caught.
Author pedwin Posted February 4, 2005 Author Posted February 4, 2005 Good Lord!!!!! The thought of smelling it makes me sick! He is a pro at cheating and always takes a shower afterward. He's not a dummy. I just went through some old credit card bills. He had paid 150.00 to join the find a friend site. I WAS PISSED!!!! Especially when I had a magazine subscription that he bitched about every month until I canceled it. He had said we were short on money and he was thinking about canceling cable TV. When I asked him about it he said he knew it was wrong and that's why he canceled it. He said he was sorry bla bla bla! I do not have sex with him any more because I don't trust him. If I get the funk I'm going to have fun getting it. I don't want it by proxy!!! He is still in counseling and says he wants to save his marriage????? Pedwin
Mr Spock Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 Boy pedwin, why do YOU want to save a marriage when the other person is so obviously not into it? People here can rant all they want about the sanctity of marriage and how you should be willing to stick a fork in your very own eye to save it, but normal people know when to cut their losses and run. Why do you want this guy?
Author pedwin Posted February 4, 2005 Author Posted February 4, 2005 God Spock!!! I don't know. I guess I'm hoping for change. I have so much invested in this marriage. My ex husband comitted suicide because I wouldn't stay with him. He was an alocholic. I had me this H and fell madly in love with him. If this marriage is no good then my ex died for nothing. I know it sounds stupid but that's the way I feel. Pedwin
Mr Spock Posted February 5, 2005 Posted February 5, 2005 I think your ex committed suicide because he was one selfish SOB. Normal people would move on and find someone new and hope it tinges in your heart rather than try to hurt you as much as they can by taking their own life. And now you've got ANOTHER selfish SOB on your hands!! In a different way. People only change if they want to. He doesn't seem to want to. I don't know alot about your history together (will try to read back) but sitting around and hoping he'll change is foolish. Your ex is dead. You may have contributed to his distressed emotional state but him committing suicide is his sole responsibility. The fact that you feel if you stay in an awful relationship will slight his memory matters to no one but you. It sure doesn't matter to him anymore. So. What would make Pedwin happiest? Find out, then write it down to see if it's a reality with this man.
Mr Spock Posted February 5, 2005 Posted February 5, 2005 Pedwin, just read your previous postings. Divorce the sleaze. I mean REALLY....he would have gone back to her for an affair in a heartbeat. Only because you got the phone call. You're the "better woman" alright, to raise his freaking kids. Please, find a better man.
immoralist Posted February 5, 2005 Posted February 5, 2005 Spock, you and jmargel are an absolutely great insult comedy duo. You must take your act on the road. You guys make Threads light up. I salute both of you!
Author pedwin Posted February 5, 2005 Author Posted February 5, 2005 check this out!!! We have not been alone together in Months. The last time we could have been alone he had his buddy over the whole weekend working in the garage on his airplane, Today his buddy called and he told him he was going to spend today with me and he could come over tomorrow. When he got off the phone I said something about it and he looked me in the face and said" I told him maybe" I heard every word he said and he knew I heard every word. He said well!!! I'm spending today with you!! God is he stupid or what. I told him I was sick of his **** and I was going to file for divorce, He looked at me and said don't be silly. Why would you want to do something like that for. I'm good to you!!!!! Maybe he's mental!!!!! Another weekend shot to hell. I have been sick for two weeks with an infected tooth. Just what I needed. I get so mad I can't control myself. He then goes upstairs and takes a nap. He knows I'm upset and mad as hell. Do you think he's cruel for just going off and taking a nap? Am I wrong for thinking he is playing with me? I think he deliberately does this. Pedwin
Mr Spock Posted February 5, 2005 Posted February 5, 2005 Pedwin, what are you waiting for? Are you a mysogonist? Are you trying to find the level of pain that causes you to snap?
Author pedwin Posted February 6, 2005 Author Posted February 6, 2005 A WHAT????? I don't know how much you read of my previous posts but there are a lot of circumstances. My health for one thing. I cannot be without health care. I have a blood disease. I haven't worked in 12 years. I have been raising his daughter. He is aware that working would be very difficult for me. He is not stupid. He has already been through one divorce. He made sure he was in control of all money in this marriage. If I had the money to support myself I sure as hell wouldn't be putting up with this ****. Pedwin
Mr Spock Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Originally posted by pedwin A WHAT????? I don't know how much you read of my previous posts but there are a lot of circumstances. My health for one thing. I cannot be without health care. I have a blood disease. I haven't worked in 12 years. I have been raising his daughter. He is aware that working would be very difficult for me. He is not stupid. He has already been through one divorce. He made sure he was in control of all money in this marriage. If I had the money to support myself I sure as hell wouldn't be putting up with this ****. Pedwin No, I wasn't aware about the blood disease-I think I meant masochist anyways, a mysogonit being someone who likes women. I really, really feel poorly for you. He isn't going to change. You're either going to have to let him go emotionally or get a good divorce lawyer. I mean the BEST. You're between a rock and a hard place and I don't envy you.
Stone Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 I only see two solutions 1. Set him up, hire a stripper or female escort or something to come on to him ( and get proof) so you can take his arse to court, get a divorce and maby the judge will make him still cover your health insurance... (if you can't work, the state should pick it up) Or to get a high life insurance contract on his ass and ........ ( kidding kidding)
jmargel Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock I think your ex committed suicide because he was one selfish SOB. Normal people would move on and find someone new and hope it tinges in your heart rather than try to hurt you as much as they can by taking their own life. How can you say that about someone you DON'T know? More than likely her ex committed suicide because he was depressed and did not get the proper treatment. When someone is suicidal they lack the resources to make rational decisions. For you to make such a generalized statement is just awful. Alot of times when a family member takes their life, it can be construde as being 'selfish'. As leaving the rest behind to fend for themselves. But from personal experience (I was once in his shoes) the thoughts did not come about because we are selfish. They come because there is that feeling of 'no hope' to the point that we don't look forward to tomorrow. We don't enjoy 'anything' in life. It's like walking in a dark tunnel with blinders on, with no light at the end. We live in pain and without the hope of it ever going away we resort to defeat. When I was suicidal, at first the thoughts of my family kept me from doing it. I wanted to get better, but honestly did not see any hope of it. I kept it well hidden from my family, only my brother mentioned to me that 'I changed'. No one knew. The thoughts of my family couldn't spare me the feeling of being unloved (from an ex-fiancee). I knew my family loved me, but the thought of truly being wanted and having value in my life ceast to exist. Even if I tried to climb that huge ladder again and pull myself up, would I subject myself to more pain from someone else? There is no guarantees in life. Each situation is different and each person reacts differently to those situations. I sludged through my depression, meds didn't help much, but just talking about it over & over and getting different opinions and advice on my problem helped me realize that it wasn't all my fault. I took alot of guilt from her over the breakup and found out it was really her mental & verbal abuse that contributed to all of this, including my depression. Unforuntely her ex didn't get the help he needed in time. I'm sure if he had another chance he would have not ended his life. Pedwin, your ex killing himself has nothing to do with your current relationship. His death is not in vain because of your current marriage. It's in-vain because he did not seek out the help he needed. I am sure your ex wants you to be happy in life. Struggling to continue a marriage for the sake of something 'changing' is not a healthy one. I assume you have taken alot of guilt because of your ex killing himself. That's something you couldn't have stopped. It wasn't your responsibility, unless he told you he was going to and you encouraged him. It's time for you to become happy within' yourself and not base your own self-worth on someone else.
Mr Spock Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Because people that kill themselves Jmargel are extremely selfish-depressed yes, distraught yes, but also selfish. You make generalizations all the time. I think her ex husband was a horrible person for killing himself-SELFISH. Considering only his pain, and not the pain of those he left behind. You seem to think that you own the patent for suicidal feelings Jmargel? Feeling like there is no reason to go on living because you can't handle your pain and see no way to make it stop is something that many people face, daily. But choosing to remove yourself from the land of the living is an incredibly selfish act. You didn't do it-didn't say you were selfish. Of course if I had, I could call you whatever and you couldn't defend yourself because you'd be dead. Anyways, poor Pedwin is getting wrung through here in her current marriage-and for all your blathering essentially we're both telling her it wasn't her fault. Can you imagine staying in an awful relationship because of guilt over your ex's selfish, stupid actions? Horrible, and I feel for her.
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 check this out!!! We have not been alone together in Months. The last time we could have been alone he had his buddy over the whole weekend working in the garage on his airplane, Today his buddy called and he told him he was going to spend today with me and he could come over tomorrow. When he got off the phone I said something about it and he looked me in the face and said" I told him maybe" I heard every word he said and he knew I heard every word. He said well!!! I'm spending today with you!! God is he stupid or what. I told him I was sick of his **** and I was going to file for divorce, He looked at me and said don't be silly. Why would you want to do something like that for. I'm good to you!!!!! Maybe he's mental!!!!! Another weekend shot to hell. I have been sick for two weeks with an infected tooth. Just what I needed. I get so mad I can't control myself. He then goes upstairs and takes a nap. He knows I'm upset and mad as hell. Do you think he's cruel for just going off and taking a nap? Am I wrong for thinking he is playing with me? I think he deliberately does this. Pedwin Ped, he IS stupid and acting like a real goofball!!! I agree with Stone's advice. Set him up. I know you're po'ed with him and you have every right to be and to feel that way. Vent away anytime because the way things are he doesn't seem to WANT to change at all. You're a good person and definately do not need this crap thrown at you. Is there anybody who can help you out? Friends/Family? Maybe they can help figure something out with you so things will get better and find a lawyer to talk to. Something has to happen cuz you can't go on like this. Just not good for you. And yes, I understand you need his health insurance but I"m sure you'll still be covered on it either way, especially if you get some proof. Hire a PI - or atleast look into it. All the best though, hang in there.
jmargel Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock Because people that kill themselves Jmargel are extremely selfish-depressed yes, distraught yes, but also selfish. You make generalizations all the time. I think her ex husband was a horrible person for killing himself-SELFISH. Considering only his pain, and not the pain of those he left behind. You seem to think that you own the patent for suicidal feelings Jmargel? Feeling like there is no reason to go on living because you can't handle your pain and see no way to make it stop is something that many people face, daily. But choosing to remove yourself from the land of the living is an incredibly selfish act. You didn't do it-didn't say you were selfish. Of course if I had, I could call you whatever and you couldn't defend yourself because you'd be dead. Anyways, poor Pedwin is getting wrung through here in her current marriage-and for all your blathering essentially we're both telling her it wasn't her fault. Can you imagine staying in an awful relationship because of guilt over your ex's selfish, stupid actions? Horrible, and I feel for her. I disagree with you. Do you honestly think a suicidal person would rather kill themselves than live a happy life? Until you look behind the eyes of a suicidal person you truly won't understand how it messes with you. My ex's dad hung himself and by the miracle of god survived. He had a whole family behind him, and no one knew about his depression. It's hard to understand the lack of hopelessness that depression causes. There are varying levels of depression, but I am talking when it's at it's worst. You don't enjoy life, you literally don't enjoy anything. When you smile or try to feel like you want to have a good time, it's all fake. It's an act. Suicidal people are very good at acting. That's why it's important to take any mention of suicide very seriously even if it's in a joking manner. Suicidal people do truly want help. They just don't know where to look because they know that after all said and done, they still have to face reality. Suicidal people don't want pity and they don't want love. They want someone to listen to them. Someone to let them know that it's ok to feel this way. They also don't want encouragement, because in reality it brings them down further. Through my experience, talking with other suicidal people and reading I found the best way to deal with this is to let that person talk as much as they want, when they want about what is bothering them. A suicidal person isn't looking for a solution but to know they aren't alone. Lonliness is what usually does them in.
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