CadeYeager Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Here's my situation and I hope to make it as clear as possible. I was dating my GF (now ex) for a little under 2 years. The relationship started off on a strong foot, we experienced some new things together, and bonded very well. About 3 months into the relationship she gave me her virginity, dropped the "I love you", and wanted to talk about a house we could live in together someday... All in the same month. The sex happened due to mutual agreement and there was A LOT sexual tension. I felt honored that she would give me that piece of her. She said "I love you" first, and to be honest to you guys and myself, I wasn't ready to say it. But I was in the moment and didn't want to shoot her down so I said it back. Throughout the relationship small discussions of moving in together came up, but I made it clear that I wasn't comfortable talking about it. She soon stopped. I told her that I wasn't planning that far into the future yet. I mean we're only 20. I think this set her up to begin thinking there there might not be a future with me. IDK. I don't know if I was wrong for that or not, you guys be the judge. A little bit over 1 year of dating, I slowly became less interested. Don't get me wrong, I still loved her and even to this day I still do, it was just me becoming really selfish and had the grass is greener syndrome. Whenever someone would ask me how the both of us were doing, I'd unsurely answer "we're doing alright." My friends even picked up that I wasn't as into it as before. I told myself time after time that this wouldn't work out and that eventually I would break up with her. Let me reiterate, I did care about her. So things become stuck in a rut. We started doing the same things over and over. After this past New Years, I knew that his would be the year that I would probably end things. Out of nowhere she pulled the trigger. She ended it with me. My heart broke. Some of you will say "why does it even matter, weren't you going to do the same?" Yes in a way. But The reason why we even made it to 2 years, was because I wanted to stay in to see if things would change. I just didn't expect her to do it. Trust me, it's not an ego thing. I realize that I wasn't treating the RS, as well I know I could have. Yes throw rocks at me, yes I sound like a ****ty person and I probably am after you read this. Just know that I care for her. She was my best friend and partner. I just don't know why it's hitting me so hard, because I do want her back. I probably could've done more, yes. But being blinded by everything else, prevented me from doing so. Deep down I want her to be happy and if that requires finding a new guy who will give her 100%, then so be it. Would I want her back? Yes. Will it happen? No. I just wished I could pinpoint the point of disconnection for me. Could it be when I said "I love you" when I wasn't ready? Maybe instead developing into that emotion, I pushed myself and convinced myself to feel it? Opinions? Edited February 28, 2014 by CadeYeager
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I don't think you saying I love you when you weren't ready sabotaged this relationship. I think taking the virginity of someone who loved you when you didn't reciprocate had an adverse impact. She gave you a gift & probably had starry eyed dreams that this was forever. Giving something like that up in the 20s after only 3 months seems awfully fast unless she thought you were the "one." Going forward if you are not ready for I love you -- stay silent. 1
Author CadeYeager Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I don't think you saying I love you when you weren't ready sabotaged this relationship. I think taking the virginity of someone who loved you when you didn't reciprocate had an adverse impact. She gave you a gift & probably had starry eyed dreams that this was forever. Giving something like that up in the 20s after only 3 months seems awfully fast unless she thought you were the "one." Going forward if you are not ready for I love you -- stay silent. You make a very good point. Man I don't know how to word how I feel without confusing the **** out of you guys. I felt very strongly about her when she gave her virginity to me. Maybe I did love her because not only was she giving her virginity to me I was giving mine to her.
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