C0ldrain Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Hi I recently gone through a breakup. But i been a firm believer on working through things. Your only as unhappy as you let yourself be. If you want change then you both have to be willing to talk about it and make changes and compromises. I feel its too easy to just throw something away now. I understand the physiology of why the dumper calls it off. Because they want change but subtly mention it rather than having a full blown talk and actually saying they have a problem. Which leaves the Dumpee think the problem is small. Yes there are relationships that you need to get out of. But why not try everything to make it work first when you have a "good" one.
Iguanna Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Cause people nowadays have become self centered. They think the universe owes them to be eternally happy, satisfied with life and successful and they don't need to do anything about it, no effort, not giving anything back. They believe settling and compromising is a bad thing and something that only losers do, and God forbid if they compromise in life or sacrifice their precious happiness for others' sake. I agree with you, I always believe that discussing about problems in a relationship is half way solving them. This is the only way to keep a relationship going and making it better over time. This is how our grandparents managed to stay together for 50 years or so. Cause they knew they can't quit easily. Some of them were unhappy, of course. But some of them were able to solve the problems and be happy again, cause they loved the other person as well rather than only themselves, like young people do these days. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 At the slightest little thing people want to run. Read some of the posts on here -- s/he doesn't text me enough or texts too much; they wore a blue short on our date knowing I hate that color; after returning home from an overseas trip planned before they met me, my new BF/GF didn't come straight to my house before going home; 10 years before I knew the person they did something I don't like; etc. It's almost ridiculous. I agree with you that as long as it's not insurmountable like cheating, abuse or fundamental life philosophy I think working on it is better than not trying. But if it's 1-2 dates in, not quite a relationship -- of course you can walk away if it's not everything you want.
KathyM Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 While I agree that some people break off a relationship over very minor things that could easily be worked out, I would also say that some people try to hang on to a relationship that is not working far past its expiration date. Dating is a testing period where people are evaluating whether they are compatible for the long term. If they aren't compatible when dating, it's probably best to end it and move on, because it's certainly going to be a lot more difficult to get along when married and issues such as finances and children and inlaws, etc., come into the picture to put stress on the relationship. To continue a dating relationship with the idea that you are going to try to change a person is never a good plan. People may try to change for the short term in order to hang onto the relationship, but often revert back to old patterns after awhile. If a person exhibits red flags or other characteristics that make you incompatible, it's probably best to cut your losses and move on. If we are talking about minor things that mere communication can resolve, then that would certainly be worth the try to work through the issue by communicating with a dating partner. 2
VeronicaRoss Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 KathyM said it well. If you look at all the self-help books on relationships, I'd say people are trying harder than ever. We're all held to a higher standard. That's good. The real reason why today is different is because women can financially take care of themselves. Divorce doesn't has as much social stigma. That works both ways, men don't have to stay with a woman because she literally couldn't live without him now either. I remember the days (1960s, early 70s) my mom couldn't even have a credit card in her own name and the idea of a woman executive or doctor was laughable or absurd. I married Mr. Right at 41. I went through a lot of romance to get there. Looking back I can say I wasn't ready til then. When someone leaves, be thankful they're giving you a real shot at happiness. 1
carhill Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 What happened to working on a relationship IMO, it went the way of having to get up to change the TV channel. Nowadays, distractions are many and mobility is built-in so moving on is the path of least resistance. 1
central Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Plenty of people do work on their relationship problems, of course. And some problem are not worth fixing - or can't be. The wisdom is in knowing whether it can be fixed, and if the effort is worth the end result. 1
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