luvlost88 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Hi, interesting question, My ex broke up with me about 3.5 months ago from an almost 2 year relationship (we had it all including living together) and has cut off contact the last 45 days, before all this he told me he still cared for me and if I could get my attitude issues worked out (the reason we broke up) that we may try again down the road, but for now he needs time. I know the breakup was hard on him as well as he told crying he didn't want to leave me but just couldn't take our fights anymore. Now yesterday I run to a mutual friend of ours and she has told me he started talking to a new girl right around the time he cut contact with me, and that this new girl had already dumped him about 12 days ago. She also told me that the past week he has changed a lot. He has been talking using a lot of slang (something he was always against) and just hooking up with random girls almost every night strictly for sex. This is something the old him I knew would have never done as it was against his values. I believe her 100% as I logged into his dating site profile (he always uses the same passwords and knows I know them) and saw all his messages (I know, bad idea during NC). What about the breakup would cause a person to change this much? Is this temporary, I know this is not the guy I spent 2 years of my life with, so what reasons might he be doing this for?
Reels Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 He is trying to get over what has happened. He is experimenting.
lvroflife Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 He may be still attached to you emotionally and using these girls for physical enjoyment. I don't know how old you are, but he could be getting all his experimenting out the way.. Us men do that we need to get our sexual exploits out before we start to mature for a real relationship... He seems to still have strong feelings for you but is unsure that your attitude has changes...Just my opinion... He is not happy with what he is doing (trust me on this)... Only time will tell what you two will be... I am willing to bet that the girl who cut him off did so because he mentioned you one to many times, or because his actions towards her were no good (as he was probably thinking about you) I do not say these to get your hopes up, I am just speaking possibilities as I have been through his shoes...
Author luvlost88 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I think maybe it has caught up with him already, Today his profile reads: "Not looking for sex, just cool chill girls I am able to get to know, and maybe a relationship if the chemistry is right". Is this a bad sign that he is moving on and we may not ever get another chance later down the road? What are your thoughts on that?
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) I think maybe it has caught up with him already, Today his profile reads: "Not looking for sex, just cool chill girls I am able to get to know, and maybe a relationship if the chemistry is right". Is this a bad sign that he is moving on and we may not ever get another chance later down the road? What are your thoughts on that? Luvlost, I'm not sure why you keep doing this to yourself. He's on a dating site and opening himself to other women. If that isn't a sign for you to move on, I am not sure what will help you let this guy go. He's clearly moving on. And another thing, taken from Dumpers 101 Handbook, they always tell you maybe in the future things can work out. It's the oldest, dumbest and most passive line that is used when they 1) want to keep you on the backburner 2) don't know how to be honest and just say it's over 3) don't want to look like a bad guy. If he knows he doesn't want to be with you now, how in heaven's name is he going to be able to tell that he may want to be with you in the future? It makes zero sense. Don't fall for the later down the road. And if that were true, great, he'll come when he's ready -- just don't stay stuck and holding on to that possibility. Move on. If it happens, it happens but if it doesn't you'll be well on your way with moving on in life. Edited February 28, 2014 by Zahara
Author luvlost88 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I guess I just can't stand to face the idea that it may be over forever. He knows out of all his past girlfriends we had the most connection.. he even proposed to me after 14 months.. I just don't understand how something that had such potential can just end. Friends have said he is still in the shock of not having me around, yet he most likely feels that not enough time has passed for me to actually change so he's going to try to rush into the firsy opportunity that comes up to replace the company he had with me. He told me he would not be dating for a long time after we broke up, and for me to get my self together and we may try again like 8 months to a year later
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) "He knows out of all his past girlfriends we had the most connection.. he even proposed to me after 14 months." You know this maybe because he may have told you. But what does that mean when even after that so called fact, he's NOW out there seeking other women? He may have felt that way THEN, but it doesn't seem like he feels that way now. And feelings can change overtime. It's never a guarantee that just because you are in a relationship, or have been proposed to that it will stand the test of time. You don't understand how something that had such potential can just end? What you believe to be potential doesn't necessarily translate the same to the other person. He may view the relationship very differently. Again, don't project. Whatever he's doing, let him go and do it. We can all speculate as to what he's doing, friends can speculate what he's doing -- at the end of the day, he's on a dating site proposing to women that he is open to having a relationship with them. Period. You need to stop listening to your friends and checking up on him. And if someone doesn't want to be with you now, don't ever keep yourself hopeful that they may want you in the future even if they claim it. In 8 month/a year you will never know what can happen. He's on a dating site, so what happens if he meets someone next month and realizes she's what he wants? What then? A declaration of that sort is ridicilous to make. It only serves him because he now has you waiting on the sidelines while he dabbles and sees what's out there. And if there isn't anything out there, you don't want him coming back to you because you're what's left. Edited February 28, 2014 by Zahara 3
Author luvlost88 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 Thanks for the replies, I know I need to stop logging into his FB, emails, and dating sites because every time I see these things it sets me further back in ever "getting over him". However I did find it funny that on the site he lies about his height, age and just about anything else girls he messaged asked him. not sure what that means but I probably am waisting my time trying to over analyze everything.
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Thanks for the replies, I know I need to stop logging into his FB, emails, and dating sites because every time I see these things it sets me further back in ever "getting over him". However I did find it funny that on the site he lies about his height, age and just about anything else girls he messaged asked him. not sure what that means but I probably am waisting my time trying to over analyze everything. People lie about those things on dating sites because they want to appear as an appealing and attractive candidate to the others that are viewing them. And that also means he's a guy that lacks integrity, and clearly lacking self-esteem.
dontgiveuponme Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Luvlost, We have the same story my fiance of 3 years broke up with me coz he said i got attitude problems and he is tired of our fights. Then i found out he is seeing this girl 2 days before he breaks up with me and more girls after.Very different from what hes telling me before that he will never gonna give up on me and he cant imagine touching another womans body and other things. He comes back to me after a week tho said he wants to try again and fix it he explains what he did is just his way of coping and he dont want to be sad and miserable and to miss me.He said he become one of those guys who copes in beers,girls and party just to forget,a stupid reason really.
Mondmellonw Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I could get my attitude issues worked out... What were those so called "attitude issues" you had? I think he is moving own on his terms. He isn't with you and that is what counts. I feel the same confusion, but our situation is a little different. My ex left a girl who supposedly cheated on him. I met him and we had a relationship, things were serious all the time. To make this short, some trust issues raised and I left. He then started to hook up with a friend of mine and his ex is back into the picture as well. He started drinking a lot, also. I guess, he is just being what he wants to be. We should think this way about our exes or we will be hurt for a stupid reason. At least I feel that way. I was hurting and obsessing over his actions but then I realized he is not with me and he never really tried to work things out, so I left and he is free to do what he wants.
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