SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Hey gang, Haven't been on here in a while... actually I've been doing as well as a single guy can do...a couple of promising dates, some sex...yada yada. My ex who dumped me for a friend last June (you can read the old threads if you care to...there's a lot....as for most on here it was an intense situation) just texted me "I miss you. Hope you are doing well." This is after 5 months of NC and a few months prior of breakup mind game hell. So insignificant I know, esp. since I've read through all the other threads about this. The last time this girl and I communicated was via text when my mom was dying and she offered condolences (via text which is kind of worse than nothing at all) and then she told me she had a new bf and to get over her. They didn't work out and I actually made peace with him (not my friend she left me for but her newest bf who I'd never met but we had mutual friends and I told him I didn't hate him...I kinda did when I wasn't over her but it's all good now). So I don't know what to do. I'm thinking of just not replying but now that I feel I've moved on and can take account for my failures in our relationship I wish I could be kind but don't want to get sucked back in. Just wanted to hear it from the club. Any and all advice is appreciated. Thanks! Edited February 28, 2014 by SMALLTOWNBLUES
somecamel Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Hey gang, Haven't been on here in a while... actually I've been doing as well as a single guy can do...a couple of promising dates, some sex...yada yada. My ex who dumped me for a friend last June (you can read the old threads if you care to...there's a lot....as for most on here it was an intense situation) just texted me "I miss you. Hope you are doing well." This is after 5 months of NC and a few months prior of breakup mind game hell. So insignificant I know, esp. since I've read through all the other threads about this. The last time this girl and I communicated was via text when my mom was dying and she offered condolences (via text which is kind of worse than nothing at all) and then she told me she had a new bf and to get over her. They didn't work out and I actually made peace with him (not my friend she left me for but her newest bf who I'd never met but we had mutual friends and I told him I didn't hate him...I kinda did when I wasn't over her but it's all good now). So I don't know what to do. I'm thinking of just not replying but now that I feel I've moved on and can take account for my failures in our relationship I wish I could be kind but don't want to get sucked back in. Just wanted to hear it from the club. Any and all advice is appreciated. Thanks! What benefit will come from this if you do reply to her? Would you get back with her if she made the moves?
Author SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) No, I don't necessarily want her back...she really did a number on me. I just know I wasn't always the best I could've been in the 2 1/2 years we were together and I've gotten over the initial stages and started working on myself. I learned that hating her and wishing her ill did me no good. I guess I just wish I could say something nice and never hear from her again but I know that it's not that simple and she likes to play mind games. She had me thinking I still had a shot the whole time she was with the guy she left me for! If she wanted me back, it would take some serious actions. A letter, an email, requesting to meet in person...etc. I see that she is just lonely and has probably heard I've moved on. I just seriously wish I could say, "I'm sorry we didnt work out. I really loved you and I made some mistakes and you did too and I wish it worked out different and I wish you a happy life." I just think any response is gonna open up a can of worms. It's just the timing is weird. I'm not really dating anyone and I'm lonely. It's nice to know I'm missed but I don't know what to do with it. Also, I ain't gonna lie. It's very tempting to text back! Edited February 28, 2014 by SMALLTOWNBLUES
somecamel Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 If you're going to have a weak moment and text her back, I'd text what you put above:)
David87 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 There's no need to respond, no good can come out of this. But now that i think about it, if I were to get a similar text I'd respond to it..... so I can relate to your dilemma.
Author SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I just looked at her fbook and it's all pictures I took...of happier times. Even her new pic she's wearing a shirt I gave her that shrank in our dryer. It's nostalgic. I don't feel mad or have some great urge to want her in my life again but she has done what I did not (granted she dumped me!) but she didn't eliminate my impact on her life. It's almost like I want to say something back to her to respect the good times. I don't know if this will send me back into a spiral of sadness or of getting wrapped up in her again. I had a joke that would help me get over her...whenever I'd hear she was with someone new, I'd say " she's 6 dicks down the road from me"...(or insert any number haha).... now I think I've caught up to her on my end and I still haven't met someone that made me want to get back in a relationship. I don't know what to do. I want to respond but my pride and the distance I've come to heal from her tell me not to. I'd like to think I'm removed enough to have non emotional contact but I do still miss her. I don't know if I miss the memory more than the person. It's weird.
David87 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 You already are nostalgic, think about how'd you feel if you respond. But it's your call to make. Keep us posted.
Ordinaryday Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 NOWHERE in that message, nowhere at all, does she say anything about wanting you back or rekindling your relationship. it looks like she is just feeling a bit nostalgic and/or wanted to make peace with you so she can feel less guilty about dumping you. it doesn't require a response at all.
BDL Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I'd say she wants to meet up with you, but doesn't want to come right out and say it and get rejected. If you still miss her and not in a relationship, why not meet up, hang out and have fun? Don't talk about the past or other people you've been seeing. She's reaching out to you. If you've moved on from the hurt, I'd say why not?
lolablue17 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Well, your move in the big minds game is to not answer. She said "I miss you, and I hope you are doing well". excellent! now you know That she misses you and she hopes that bla bla bla... So she gave you an information about herself. now you have a piece of information. knowledge is power. you have the power. DONT step down from that position and dont give her any information, even not the information if you read her text or not. 2
Chi townD Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 If you're writing that your afraid that if your respond to her, that you're going to get sucked back in, then you're not at a point of indifference towards her yet and it would be wise not to respond to her. Besides, all she said was she misses you. So, what! That tells you nothing except that she misses you. Hell, I miss watching the Chicago Bears, but they're not gonna run out onto the field and play a game for me just because I miss them! 5
nightporter Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Listen to Chi!!! If you are worried that you might get 'sucked back in' then you are not at a point where you should be making contact. My ex emailed me to say merry christmas after a few months of NC. It was crushing when I realised that all she wanted to do was wish me a merry christmas (as I should have assumed from the email. It was pretty self explanatory) Anyway I got my hopes up even though I didn't realise it until it was too late. Point is, if you were ready to talk to her in a platonic way you wouldnt even have started this thread.
Author SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Chi, always coming with the hard truths . Yeah I guess you all are right. I'm ok by myself but I haven't been in a relationship since, really. It's almost been a year. I don't think about her all the time. I thought maybe I could be casual but yeah, she was just texting me for most of the reasons listed above. I honestly wasn't reading into it too much, but I am surprised she texted me at all considering she's had two other boyfriends in the interim. Also, it pissed me off cos I am really making progress and had gotten ok with the idea of never hearing from her again. I wasn't planning on texting back. Just needed to vent a bit. Thanks. Edited February 28, 2014 by SMALLTOWNBLUES
lolablue17 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I wasn't planning on texting back. Just needed to vent a bit. Thanks Very good! She may continue (or not). but you will not cooperate with her schemes. Ignore!
aisuru Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 It's hard, I know... Stay strong and take care of you. Keep that no contact... My ex (we broke up almost exactly a year ago) reached out to me several weeks ago.... I'll just say again that sometimes it's better to appreciate the memories and MOVE ON. Hard, I know.... You can do it.
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