Author sleeplessinslc Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 To me, 'love' is not a feeling. Sure, you can have the hots for someone.... you can be attracted to them. That's not love. Any guy who claims to 'love' me very soon has issues, and IMHO, not someone I'd trust in a LTR. To my ear, its some gobbeldy gook designed to get me to eff them ASAP or fulfill some romantic fantasy that has nothing to do with who I am as a person. God help the guy who actually falls for me fast. He's got some water to tread, bless his heart. I think it's also cultural. I'm dating an Indian guy- from India. In his culture- someone sets up the relationship/ marriage for you and you have to get along somehow. He doesn't like that- so he broke from tradition and found me. We started LDR- and without even meeting me yet- he declares I'm the kind of woman he wants to marry. And when we DID finally meet the first time- he declared he wants to marry me - and won't give up until I give in. It makes me wonder if he'd be happy to be with someone who's not 100% into a marriage/relationship because in his culture- the couple- always - gets along.
Author sleeplessinslc Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 I don't think men fall faster in love, but they might fall faster in lust, or at least are more vocal about it. Women seem to be more guarded or rational in the beginning. Of course much of this changes once they become physical, which seems to be the time when the men 'relax' and loose some of their urgency whereas women get more attached, possibly due to endorphins. So many times when I meet a guy he comes on really strong and seems to be totally into me - sometimes even using the love word - within a few days or weeks. But as fast as they fall in love they seem to fall out of love. When I was younger I thought they actually DID love me and allowed myself to fall as hard and fast as them. When they changed their minds a few weeks or months later it really hurt and shocked me. Nowadays I simply don't take their actions and words seriously in the first few weeks. They might contact me a few times per day, want to see me near daily and don't stop talking about how happy I make them. I try to not let that get to me and simply accept this as their hormones or lust talking until at least 2-3 months have passed and they still act as interested as in the beginning. This reminds me of the 90-day rule before you give the cookie. Steve Harvey's book.
isisisweeping Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 This reminds me of the 90-day rule before you give the cookie. Steve Harvey's book. Does anyone else get annoyed at the concept of calling it "the cookie"? I've not read that book but I've heard the term. Like it's a reward or some prize you're holding back to affect a behavior? It seems like a messed up attitude towards mutually enjoyable sex. Yech.
scooby-philly Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 I know, at least for myself, I fall hard and fast. Part of it is me - i didn't have a lot of friends and definitely no gfs growing up - even into my 20's. Part of it is men are "protectors" so we're designed to emotionally fall deeper to protect our loves. there's plenty of research out there supporting this as well as anecdotal evidence. I know when my ex-fiance and I split last year, I was devastated but she apparently moved on fairly quickly. I do think the media does play a part in it and the myth of "playing hard" to get doesn't help either. But, a lot depends on the individual and the chemistry between two people.
Eggplant Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Men, when they fall in love, entwine it more closely with sex. They can have sex with no love, but their love is a sex-flavored one.
RedRobin Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Men, when they fall in love, entwine it more closely with sex. They can have sex with no love, but their love is a sex-flavored one. That's mostly because most cultures don't allow men to have any other outlet for affection or physical touch except for sex.
Woggle Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 Men, when they fall in love, entwine it more closely with sex. They can have sex with no love, but their love is a sex-flavored one. Women aren't much different. Most sexually frustrated women don't seem to have much love for their husbands and boyfriends.
Author sleeplessinslc Posted March 4, 2014 Author Posted March 4, 2014 Men, when they fall in love, entwine it more closely with sex. They can have sex with no love, but their love is a sex-flavored one. My conclusion. Men and women have very many inherent differences. Such is true in romance and love. But apart from these inherent or built-in differences, their family, culture, personality also play a big role on how they engage in relationships. I've read somewhere that men also take a longer getting over a relationship- and this is probably because they don't have the same emotional support as women have. Women have an army of girl-friends who'll tell her to forget about that jerk and move on. Just look at all those break up books- most are for women. Women find ways to cope and seek help. Men - well - based on my experience with men I know- they don't talk about their feelings, don't listen to as much Adele or eat as much ice cream as women do. I'd like to believe we're different for a reason. Like yin and yang. 1
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