thefear Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I am now many months on from being dumped and not only have I stopped improving but I am actually getting worse. I just can't handle feeling like this all the time anymore and nothing seems to be helping. Have any of you gone through therapy in the past for a break up or are you currently in the process? Did it help/is it helping? Thanks guys, stay strong and take care.
amaysngrace Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 People go to therapy whenever life overwhelms them and their well-being is suffering. If you're wondering if it will help you, I believe it can. You have to believe it can help too though if you want to get better. Do you think it might? 2
Never Again Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 People go to therapy whenever life overwhelms them and their well-being is suffering. If you're wondering if it will help you, I believe it can. You have to believe it can help too though if you want to get better. Do you think it might? Some of us go to therapy too late, like yours truly. If you need help, then therapy is useful. Sometimes it's nice just talking in a safe environment with someone neutral. They're paid to listen, won't judge, won't play "telephone" back to people you know (that one came back to bite me), and have enough experience to point out where deeper problems might lie. We're all a product of our personal damage, more than anything else.
LostConfused123 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I haven't yet but seriously considering it. Feels like I'm stuck in the depression stage. Not sure if it's really the stage or really depression. I have never had depression before and usually bounce back sooner. This one is really kicking my a$$! If it doesn't get better soon, yeah, I'm seeking therapy. I can't take much more of this pain. Best of luck to everyone recovering from this nightmare.
maturityassets Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I've been in therapy for the last 2 1/2 years, meaning I was there before I dated my ex, during I dated my ex, after my last relationship ended and now into my new relationship. When you start therapy you might go for an initial issue like "I don't understand why I'm not over this person" but as you go along you find out a lot about yourself, your strengths and limitations. So therapy will help expose underlying issues that have you still cought up about your ex. If you deal with some of those issues your concerns over your ex start quickly evaporating as well. Try it out, if you don't like it after 10 weeks then you can say you gave it a good shot. Best of luck
lvroflife Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Therapy and Books!! They do magic!! And a GREAT support system of friends and family help as well!!
Itspointless Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Sure Primarily not for this reason, but see it as this: we have people who help us learn about every aspect of life, except life itself. Strange huh? Edit:I think I have to add that some people with secure parents find that at home with their parents. But even then it is good to be pointed to blind spots of thinking. Edited February 28, 2014 by Itspointless
mea_M Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Yes! And it helped me immensely. But, I had to be fully receptive to it. Open your mind & heart so you can see great results. I'm essentially saying, go for it. Mea :-)
SadNLonley Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 Yes, Im currently in therapy for this bu. Never had been before and didnt really know what to expect. I just knew that I couldnt keep crying on my friends/family shoulder anymore. I needed someone to help me understand this situation and the feelings I was having. I was a mess when we started in December. They can guide you through your process, offer suggestions, ask questions that make you say hmmmmm. It has helped me. I kept feeling like whats wrong with me, what did i do, why cant he love me anymore, i must be horrible. She made me realize (or atleast think) that this may not have had anything to do with me. It may have been an issue on his side with committment, lack of communication, and being scared to move to the next level of our relationship. That helped me feel better. Each and every session i would cry from the beginning to the end. Finally 2 weeks in a row I left her office without shredding 1 tear. It felt great. Granted I still have my bouts of tears at least twice a week I break down, but its getting better. I also realized that it is ME that needs worked on. She has suggested some books to read. Were trying to work on the self esteem and worthiness i totally lost. I am realizing things about myself that needs changing and that is where i will work. She actually said last week "do you realize that we spent very little time speaking of your ex this week and mostly on you?". I felt like WOW. We really did. I have a ways to go, but at least I feel im making progress. It also helps that each week i see her is another week i have not contacted or stalked him. Whether you seek therapy or not, there are a lot of help out there. Support groups, online groups such as this, libraries for books on basically every subject. All you need to do is reach out. Thats the 1st step. Good luck. 4
sportzhl24 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Yes therapy is awesome. You may not notice an immediate difference, but just being able to tell somebody about the issues at hand is a huge help. It's a whole lot better than talking to the walls haha. If you still feel very low after all this time, a therapist can help you sort out what is going on and how you can recover. It is worth a try, you have nothing to lose.
gotoverabrokenheart Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 If you don't have support from home, work, etc. then therapy may help. However I had major depression for 6 months after a break up and therapy was not the factor that got me over my ex. You know what did? TIME. Believe it or not, i woke up one day and i just LET GO. I felt so free and content. & when i blossomed and let go, someone new and even BETTER came along. Now i look back at my ex as a piece of sh*t and i can't believe i was so depressed over him! Believe me, TIME HEALS WOUNDS. It may sound cliche but it works i promise you! 1
Secret Advisor Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 It definitely helps you understand yourself much better.
redbaron005 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Have any of you gone through therapy in the past for a break up or are you currently in the process? Did it help/is it helping? Yes, I highly recommend it. It's helped me gain perspective and get neutral opinions on my feelings and actions. 1
SadNLonley Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 You know what did? TIME. Believe it or not, i woke up one day and i just LET GO. I felt so free and content. & when i blossomed and let go, someone new and even BETTER came along. Now i look back at my ex as a piece of sh*t and i can't believe i was so depressed over him! Believe me, TIME HEALS WOUNDS. It may sound cliche but it works i promise you! This is what I am waiting for instead of dreaming of him and him being my first thought of the day. Good for you. Glad you were able to move on.
guest572 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 After one session I am feeling a lot better. Its great to just talk to someone impartial and it can boost your confidence. I highly recommend this to anyone who is feeling upset, hurt, depressed, angry, anxious. Just go for it. 1
newmoon Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I just went for one session, and it was all I needed. Just that neutral person to talk it all out with and who could offer a fresh perspective and some ideas to help me heal. She seemed to 'get it' right away and easily saw many problems that I was blinded by/to. Even if you just go once it's helpful.
L1ght Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) Therapy never even crossed my mind even after my ex told me to go seek it. It doesn't make sense to me. I mean we all grow up learning right from wrong, decorum, behaving in correct ways and keeping control of our emotions. I think a lot of people here myself included have been to the bottom of the barrel emotionally but its my belief that given time we all have the capacity to stand up, get our heads out of our asses and pull ourselves together. Therapy is for people who refuse to accept what is going on and stop believing that they will find a way to resolve things. No I don't need professional therapy. Therapy comes from learning from our mistakes and growing. Shout out to friends and family. The love and support they show can also be all the therapy a person needs. Edited March 12, 2014 by L1ght 1
jba10582 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 yes...you'll get homework, things to read and do or fill out and then discuss later and often get you to think of things and a lot of self-reflection from the perspective outside of the sessions as well.
Never Again Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I mean we all grow up learning right from wrong, decorum, behaving in correct ways and keeping control of our emotions. Not everyone does. If they did, the world would be a much healthier place. Toxic relationships and ruthless breakups wouldn't exist if we all truly learned right from wrong and correct behavior patterns. Therapy is for people who refuse to accept what is going on and stop believing that they will find a way to resolve things. Your opinion is your own, but this view is narrow-minded and counter-intuitive. Most people who seek therapy are those that acknowledge exactly what is going on, but have the humility to realize that they need help resolving things. It's those that truly lose hope that things will work out that refuse to seek the help they need, from family or anyone else. Many people can get what they need solely from family/friends, but there is something to be said for having an objective observer. 3
redbaron005 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Not everyone does. If they did, the world would be a much healthier place. I mean we all grow up learning right from wrong, decorum, behaving in correct ways and keeping control of our emotions. Everyone does grow up learning right from wrong, its just what one perceives as right and/or wrong varies substantially between cultures. And even knowing this, individuals (and groups) often will have their emotions cloud such knowledge in their decision-making processes. Additionally, I would imagine, a world without any type of conflict would be a scary place as some conflict can be a good thing.
L1ght Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) Everyone does grow up learning right from wrong, its just what one perceives as right and/or wrong varies substantially between cultures. And even knowing this, individuals (and groups) often will have their emotions cloud such knowledge in their decision-making processes. Additionally, I would imagine, a world without any type of conflict would be a scary place as some conflict can be a good thing. Cultures? That's an entirely different debate in my opinion. Cultures have many different rules and laws but when it comes to actual love surely the rules are universal wouldn't you agree? We know when we are hurting someone and we also know when we are showing genuine love and affection and these main themes are generally what the topic of conversion would surely be about if one was seeking therapy to overcome issues of the heart. I think once a person finds the solutions be it through therapy or whatever method they look back and tell themselves that actually they could have worked it out alone if they really wanted to. Hindsight is always a wonderful thing no matter what the situation. Edited March 12, 2014 by L1ght
L1ght Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Not everyone does. If they did, the world would be a much healthier place. Toxic relationships and ruthless breakups wouldn't exist if we all truly learned right from wrong and correct behavior patterns. Your opinion is your own, but this view is narrow-minded and counter-intuitive. Most people who seek therapy are those that acknowledge exactly what is going on, but have the humility to realize that they need help resolving things. It's those that truly lose hope that things will work out that refuse to seek the help they need, from family or anyone else. Many people can get what they need solely from family/friends, but there is something to be said for having an objective observer. I don't think it is narrow minded. I came out of my slump alone, I've done it in the past and I will do it again in future. Now I am in no way shape or form saying that I am better than anybody else. My point is that if I can do it then anybody can do it if they really want to.
Itspointless Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) Therapy never even crossed my mind even after my ex told me to go seek it. It doesn't make sense to me. I mean we all grow up learning right from wrong, decorum, behaving in correct ways and keeping control of our emotions. I think a lot of people here myself included have been to the bottom of the barrel emotionally but its my belief that given time we all have the capacity to stand up, get our heads out of our asses and pull ourselves together. Therapy is for people who refuse to accept what is going on and stop believing that they will find a way to resolve things. No I don't need professional therapy. Therapy comes from learning from our mistakes and growing. Shout out to friends and family. The love and support they show can also be all the therapy a person needs. I hate to break it to you dude, therapy hasn’t got much to do with the concepts right and wrong. Well in a way it does if we are going to discuss the DSM classifications of pathological behaviour and the normative positions where they are finding their grounds. But I guess that is a little bit out of our scope here. Cultures? That's an entirely different debate in my opinion. Cultures have many different rules and laws but when it comes to actual love surely the rules are universal wouldn't you agree? We know when we are hurting someone and we also know when we are showing genuine love and affection and these main themes are generally what the topic of conversion would surely be about if one was seeking therapy to overcome issues of the heart. I think once a person finds the solutions be it through therapy or whatever method they look back and tell themselves that actually they could have worked it out alone if they really wanted to. Hindsight is always a wonderful thing no matter what the situation. Again you make a conceptual error as culture can be conceptualized at almost every level, for example the family level. Although it often is understood at society level (a common sociological perspective). Culture is usually is understood as: 'The totality of socially transmitted behavior patterns, arts, beliefs, institutions, and all other products of human work and thought.' (Human culture - definition of Human culture by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.) I am happy for you that you got good friends and family who are supportive, that is really important. Nevertheless therapy can help you understand patterns that people close to you perhaps cannot see as they are deeply ingrained with those themselves (as they belong to your circle). Therapy can help us look with an outside perspective we otherwise would not imagine to use and point us to blind spots. For this reason many successful businessman and woman also seek personal counselling and therapy. Therefore therapy has not much to do with strength, although I personally think it shows strength to admit that everyone can always learn from a good therapist. Edited March 12, 2014 by Itspointless
redbaron005 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Cultures? That's an entirely different debate in my opinion. Cultures have many different rules and laws but when it comes to actual love surely the rules are universal wouldn't you agree? We know when we are hurting someone and we also know when we are showing genuine love and affection and these main themes are generally what the topic of conversion would surely be about if one was seeking therapy to overcome issues of the heart. A family, a city, a group can have its own culture (as Itspointless mentions). IMHO, I disagree - love has many different interpretations and applications. Actions that I take in love, could hurt another person (and have) - we do not always know when we hurt others. Its not about using therapy to overcome issues of the heart. Its about applying what you learn in therapy to embrace those issues. Pfenixphire mentions that the decision to attend therapy can often be driven by humility. This is often accompanied by the willingness to be vulnerable, a necessity in any stable, healthy relationship (learned the hard way). When faced with the 'need' to be vulnerable to change for the better, some people ab-outface and retreat while some embrace the need and charge forward (sometimes involving therapy). Bottom line, therapy can be a positive, proactive step. Its almost a catch-22, denying that therapy can be a good thing could almost be a sign that you could benefit from therapy? L1ght my ex also requested I go to therapy, and in my stubbornness I declined. She broke up with me for another man shortly after and subsequently I had many others tell me to go, I finally was like what can it hurt, went, and it helped. I recommend it to the OP and yourself.
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