soccerrprp Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 No problem! I would love for my SO to be MORE attractive (not that my gf needs to be )!
Els Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Nah, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just do your best to make sure that your behaviour with other women doesn't give her any cause to worry, and you'll be fine.
Emilia Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Once I was seeing someone who was a little overweight when we met. Muscular but too much body fat. He slimmed down within the first couple of months of our relationship. I was pleased Otherwise I haven't really experienced this with men all that much. They seem consistent in eating and exercise habits. 2
Revolver Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 From my experience Most people are far too insecure with self esteem issues to date someone really hot. I mean you've got people worried that they're average everyday partners are Seeing someone else, imagine if they looked like a model? The insecurity would eat them alive
RedRobin Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) I would have loved it if the guy I was dating recently took more initiative with his diet and exercise. He didn't, so we aren't dating anymore. In another thread, I mentioned that he made some comment to someone we met at a party how I was just keeping him around until some doctor or lawyer swept me off my feet ... which was a completely retarded statement. I was keeping him around to see if he was active as he claimed to be (he wasn't) and if his weight difference from his pics online was something temporary or permanent. My observation? permanent and probably going up... not down. So no... I've never complained or worried about a guy improving themselves. I wish they would improve themselves MORE, TBH... most of them get a certain age and get lazy(er) or think that this is just what happens as you age and who cares?? Both physically and mentally. It's obnoxious. Then they get mad at me that I'm not going to get lazy with them.... Jeez. So, good for you Phantom, for not letting yourself go. If your fiancée is worried, perhaps she needs to get her hiney into the gym with you Edited February 28, 2014 by RedRobin 3
MissBee Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Nope, wouldn't bother me. I think all the guys I've been with have been very attractive, even if they weren't the absolute hottest physically, all of them were guys that women really liked and I noticed the looks and flirting. But I was pretty secure that they were only interested in me so it didn't bother me except for the odd time . I like for my guy to be someone other women appreciate. I think a little jealousy here and there is normal, but I think the onus is on the person you're with to conduct themselves in such a way that you don't have to feel insecure, as you cannot control other people thinking they're attractive and no other person can force them to succumb to the "appreciation" unless they want to. Edited February 28, 2014 by MissBee
carhill Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Would you be concerned if you partner got more attractive? Concerned? No. Happy for them? Yes. If becoming more attractive would be cause for being replaced, that's something I have no control over so why spend valuable time being concerned about it?
Haydn Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 When someone trusts me they become magically better looking. In in fact their trust makes them outstandingly pleasing on the eye. I have been out with what some people would see as truly beautiful but not for me. Pick i can imagine you with a stunning guy on your arm.;);) 1
tinderbox8888 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I think that if say, your wife goes from 250 to 120 and gets really into looking good and you are still in the 200s, you are going to feel scared. Attraction isn't all based on looks in a long term relationship, but it certainly plays a part. It's the insecurities and the fact that it's happened before that makes people nervous. It's not a bad thing to get in shape and look good, but it certainly sets off the jealousy alarms for the other party. They don't feel good enough anymore. They aren't on the same level anymore. But you can always get over it and use that as a means to get in shape and help yourself as well.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Most of the men I've had relationships with start working out as soon as we start dating. I think it's super sexy to arouse a man's desire to get buff for you. I definitely enjoy inspiring men to get hard and manly - as they were born to be. In the process, their testosterone and sex drive go through the roof 1
FitChick Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 If your longtime spouse or lover, who never cared about their appearance before, suddenly lost weight, started working out, bought a new wardrobe, styled their hair better, got plastic surgery, etc., you should worry. They are either having an affair or getting ready to leave you. Both parts of a couple should look good for each other. Too many people let themselves go when they've found someone. It works for some of them and they turn into fat couch potatoes together, calling it "growing old gracefully." When only one does it = trouble ahead. 1
xxoo Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Why not assume that YOU inspired your partner to want to look as good as possible? That's my truth. I want to wow my own man. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Why not assume that YOU inspired your partner to want to look as good as possible? That's my truth. I want to wow my own man. This is one of my favorite qualities of love, the way it inspires you to strive to be your best. Just curious - how long have you been married? Have you felt that drive to impress him all along? Has your desire to wow him increased or declined over time?
xxoo Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 This is one of my favorite qualities of love, the way it inspires you to strive to be your best. Just curious - how long have you been married? Have you felt that drive to impress him all along? Has your desire to wow him increased or declined over time? 20 years married. The desire to wow him has always been strong. IMO, it is much more validating to keep the attention of one man than to have fleeting attention from many. 3
gaius Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I dated fat guys. Why am I above them? Why wouldn't you respect a woman who dated a fat guy? I'm not winning any beauty contests so I don't see why it's a sign of having low standards if a girl dates an over weight or obese guy providing they treat you well. I got lucky with my slim and sexy boyfriend. I expected that only obese or over weight men would be attracted to me. I basically think I will go from average to "a little pretty" with a perfect nose. My features besides my nose are honestly really nice, my teeth eyes skin and full lips are as nice as my model friends. I feel my nose is what makes me average opposed to "attractive". am doing it because it's something that would make me feel more confident and happy. I have wanted it for many years. I love pretty things. I am a very visual person. I would simply like to look at a more pleasant looking reflection. I do think even have a big nose; it is thin and not large in size. It's just too long and slightly crooked. ....I will feel a heck of a lot better with cosmetic surgery but it is strictly because I will derive so much pleasure from looking nicer; it is not to do with my ability to attract a "better" partner. I don't think it's logical to assume that you will necessarily attract significantly more people with ONE variable in your life having changed for the better. It is a little about values as you said. I don't have bad feelings about women who have dated an overweight guy. I would have bad feelings about a woman who dated ME when I was overweight. Because I found myself revolting, and I would like a woman who shares my values and found me revolting as well. I don't consider other guys revolting because they're overweight. So I wouldn't hold dating an overweight guy against someone. I've dated women who weren't a size one and were unhappy about it. I certainly didn't find them gross but I know they were unhappy with their looks and if they ever fixed them they probably would hold it against me for dating them just like I'd hold it against them. As far as you go leigh, you're very hard on yourself. I don't know if getting a nose job would quell those negative thoughts so you might be right about not dumping your boyfriend.
Leigh 87 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 It is a little about values as you said. I don't have bad feelings about women who have dated an overweight guy. I would have bad feelings about a woman who dated ME when I was overweight. Because I found myself revolting, and I would like a woman who shares my values and found me revolting as well. I don't consider other guys revolting because they're overweight. So I wouldn't hold dating an overweight guy against someone. I've dated women who weren't a size one and were unhappy about it. I certainly didn't find them gross but I know they were unhappy with their looks and if they ever fixed them they probably would hold it against me for dating them just like I'd hold it against them. As far as you go leigh, you're very hard on yourself. I don't know if getting a nose job would quell those negative thoughts so you might be right about not dumping your boyfriend. Yeah but just because I'm getting a nose job and I'm starting to work out most days doesn't mean I'll be God's gift to men and I'll somehow be "entitled" to a "better" guy. If you're madly in love then you wouldn't leave your partner no matter how much "better" you looked. When one is totally in love, your partner is the most desirable person on earth to you anyhow. I could wave a magic wand and become a supermodel and I wouldn't suddenly be less in love with my partner. If you're still madly in love with your partner and you suddenly become a beauty queen... why on earth would you want to "upgrade"? If you're truly in love you don't discard humans the way you do old cell phones when the next better model comes out.
pickflicker Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 When someone trusts me they become magically better looking. In in fact their trust makes them outstandingly pleasing on the eye. I have been out with what some people would see as truly beautiful but not for me. Pick i can imagine you with a stunning guy on your arm.;);) That's funny. So can I.
GravityMan Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I think it was a simple compliment that you are reading WAY too much into. I agree. Not a big deal. Her compliment even sounded a bit humorous.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I can imagine Phantom flexing in the mirror an extra 20 mins after a shower due to this "compliment" but I think it was a compliment and not that significant of a deal in the slightest and merely a flirtatious gesture..but it brings up a good point. How much does your partners physical appearance affect your own self-worth, self-confidence and how you should look? I think whether people would admit it or not, if someone was dating or having a relationship with someone whom they felt is more desirable, attractive or capable than they perceive themselves, they may either feel more nervous or vulnerable not being at or near the same level or self-conscious about themselves and maybe question their own value as some people may feel "undeserving" or threatened by someone whom is more attractive than they are outside the relationship, merely based on the fact that they don't feel capable of holding that person back from choosing or being tempted by something "better"...it would at the very least, cross your mind, especially if they were gaining a lot of attraction from the opposite sex, I doubt anyone is completely immune of that without assurance and investment from their partner based on their behavior. I know there are some men and women out there whom date someone who they feel is a little "beneath" them or on their level simply because that makes them feel more confident within the relationship and because that's where they feel they fall on the ladder of attraction based on their own perception of themselves, not exactly what they want or desire, but where they stand on the dating totem poll, otherwise if their SO decides to make a break through or changes their appearance in some major way that may seriously destabilize the relationship, in one person feeling entirely anxious and worried or the other feeling empowered and much more confident which changes their whole attitude/balance and what they deserve in a relationship which may mean something much better, someone much better (this epiphany may occur after plastic surgery, some psychological/emotional empowerment, typically in a relationship they aren't entirely happy with in the first place)...unfortunately it's not always wanting the best for your SO but what is best for you and that fear of being abandoned for someone else can be hugely overwhelming and sabotage their own sense of security...so it's not just about superficial qualities, it's how it affects emotions and people psychologically. So I think it really comes down to perception, I have never considered myself the best looking man in a group, because in my mind that is irrelevant and not a main concern worth thinking about because it's nothing I could do to drastically alter that reality or even change superficially (well maybe surgery but that's never been on the table) and it's never even been something I've invested a lot of thought into, they're either going to be attracted to me or not..it's only until later in my life that increased my awareness of what my desirable characteristics were to the opposite sex based on things I'd hear and that I would be told in relationships and in the dating world, something I was unaware of because like most people I didn't look at myself from a third person point of view, I just thought I was what i saw of myself in my own eyes based on what I felt was relevant and applicable to my own identity, but the truth of the matter is if I didn't have a certain level of attractiveness or desirable qualities then the things I thought were great about myself would probably be irrelevant to some or many and the more superficial qualities were really what were getting my foot in the door to begin with, and were probably the reason I wouldn't have a chance regardless to reveal those other qualities, I realized I had to superficially be "good looking enough" to attract someone on some basic level or standard to even have a chance, and have enough desirable traits on that list of characteristics that "impress" the dating world to be universally accepted superficially speaking, which is also a world I never fully accepted or fully became apart of even though I understand it well, I've always played by my own rules based on my own values and beliefs which have always differed at least in perception compared to the rest of the world, but I never tried to change myself unless it was something on the surface I wasn't happy with, like a wardrobe update which men can be notorious for neglecting as many of us don't like to shop...I shop like the place is on fire, I've got a good 30 minutes to an hour of attention span before I burn out each time I shop, but I've always been more concerned with my health and my physique regardless of whom I am with because it's about me and how I feel about myself, that's always been more important than clothing and anything else or I'd feel like a pig wrapped in blankets. So I've always done things to maintain my own confidence level and attractive traits for me, not for others, I guess you could say that once you are aware of those qualities being attractive to others it's a bonus...and I guess in theory you could say I'm hoping I would be attractive to the opposite sex by doing my own thing, but to be honest I never really pined for the attention or validation from others...so when I see someone doing that it's a bit confusing to me, why would someones opinion of you mean more than your own? especially to a drove of potential idiots you don't even know, like how women care about the opinion of "men", I mean do women not know what how these guys think? why would anyone care about their opinion! I've always thought to myself, and I've loved and cared for my SO in relationships well enough, and I've honestly felt saddened when women have expressed their insecurities with me based on how they look and feel about themselves and their worry from other women, when it really comes down to my own behavior and commitment, they should be worried about me and how I feel, not what other women do...although I understand why they would be concerned as many women will aggressively pursue men they desire, regardless of their relationship status...but still, that wouldn't be the root of the problem now would it.
VeronicaRoss Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 A male friend and I were having lunch on a sidewalk cafe in a fancy neighborhood and we watched ugly woman after ugly woman get out of very expensive cars in the middle of the day to pick up dry cleaning. Clearly housewives, clearly no trophies in how they naturally looked or cared for themselves. "How is it these women get well-off men to support them in such a luxurious lifestyle? The guys with this kind of cash can get much better looking women who take care of themselves." I wondered. "They'd worry about a beautiful wife having an affair with all that free time, this way they don't have to worry." he said. Now that was insight into the male mind!
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