jjc82 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 So I met this girl once for drinks and went out again for dinner. Both times were great. Instant connection, instant chemistry, throughout the night she talked about "the next time." Kissed her goodnight and asked her how I can go about seeing her again. She said call me next week. That was a Thursday. Called her Monday - no pick up. Texted me the next day saying "hello, doing a lot of running around this week. how are you?" Texted if I could call her that night. She was meeting a friend for dinner. I asked if she was still interested in doing something this Friday. She said she didn't realize we had made plans. We didn't - nothing definite, but talked about it. I asked when is she next available - no response. Called her last night. No pick up, no text. Now, I realize there's all these stupid rules about not seeming overly eager and bombarding another person with communication. Am (was) I eager about seeing her again? You bet your ass I was. But I hardly think four texts and two phone calls over three days is overkill. Especially when they're point blank questions and not ramblings about how my cat hasn't been eating her food. I guess I just don't understand the psychology behind having or appearing to have a great time on a date, asking for a phone call, and then not replying. I get it, we all lead busy lives. But a courtesy text - even to say, "Changed my mind, you're a creep" - to say so takes all of thirty seconds. If I am a creep and it was just the alcohol doing the talking that night, that thirty second text would prevent any more of my harassing communication. 1
mammasita Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Unfortunately there's no rhyme or reason. Don't waste your time trying to analyze why people do what they do or expect an explanation because 9.9 times out of 10 you won't get one. Maybe she was interested at the time, or trying to convince herself she was interested.....maybe she has an ex she was trying to get over who happened to show up on her doorstep after your date... Really, who cares. And honestly, anyone who's interested would continue to communicate between dates. I personally would. You couldn't keep me from talking to my now BF after our first date. I was hooked. 5
pickflicker Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 The line is really simple. A girl does not initiate any contact in the beginning (she doesn't need to), however, she enthusiastically accepts plans and replys to contact when a man makes the effort. In short - the only thing a woman has to do, is say "Yes". If she's not accepting the plans or replying to your attempts to contact, move on. 1
Author jjc82 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 however, she enthusiastically accepts plans and replys to contact when a man makes the effort. If she's not accepting the plans or replying to your attempts to contact, move on. Totally. I'm looking at it this way: if communication is no good this early, it ain't going to be any better later on. 1
pickflicker Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Totally. I'm looking at it this way: if communication is no good this early, it ain't going to be any better later on. True. When you really like someone, it can be hard to restrain yourself from pushing more communication. It goes against all instincts, but if the girl can be patient, the guy will make a move. Then it's her job to respond with enthusiasm. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Now, I realize there's all these stupid rules about not seeming overly eager and bombarding another person with communication. Am (was) I eager about seeing her again? You bet your ass I was. But I hardly think four texts and two phone calls over three days is overkill. Especially when they're point blank questions and not ramblings about how my cat hasn't been eating her food. It's not really about the number of times you contact her, it's the RECIPROCATION that makes it creepy. If you'd contacted her six times over three days and she had responded enthusiastically to them all, that's fine. The fact that you've done so when she hasn't gotten back to you with a 'hey, so good to hear from you! Yeah I can't wait to go out again but I'm busy Friday, how about Saturday?' shows you that she is very uninterested. And it's not exactly flakiness tbh, in the early stages of dating, this is what dating is all about. You go on a date or two with someone, figure out if you like them, and then you can decide to go back out with them or not. They don't owe you an explanation after one date. A bit of courtesy would be very nice 'thanks for a great evening, I don't think we're a match though. Good luck!' for closure but you're not gonna get it every time. Maybe you did have an ace time, but something has come up since then. Another dude (as if she's a smart or in demand girl she'll be multi dating others on the night's she's not with you), increased pressures at work, maybe she had a great time that evening with the drinks flowing but something felt 'off' the next day between you regarding chemistry. Or maybe you asked her out again while ON the date and she felt too awkward to decline? I've had dudes I'm not interested in ask me out for date two while on date one and it's SO awkward it's unreal, I usually just tell them 'let's text later!' or something so that I can do the letting down via text, saving us both from a supremely awkward goodbye/end to a date, save him from being rejected to his face, save me from having to do it. Whatever the reason, she isn't interested, and your persistence has probably turned her off even further. Onto the next one, and if she doesn't reply enthusiastically to you when you talk about seeing her, don't hound her, let it go. 1
truth_seeker Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I think you misread the whole date. I think she wasn't interested and was putting on a good face. She only said to call her to get out of it without any confrontation.
Fly Union Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 SHE. IS. NOT. INTERESTED. I keep telling you dudes. An interested woman will NOT confuse you An interested woman will make it easy for you to talk to her and meet up with her In this day and age, there is no such thing as a missed text message. If you text once and hell, even called and still no response. NEXT HER. SHE. IS. NOT. INTERESTED. 2
Author jjc82 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I think you misread the whole date. I think she wasn't interested and was putting on a good face. She only said to call her to get out of it without any confrontation. Oh, wow. I totally forgot you were there that night. You should have come over and said hi. I don't know how I got through 31 years of life without your guidance through every personal interaction I ever had. She didn't intone, infer, or draw hieroglyphics illustrating she was interested. She flat out said it multiple times. She asked me to call her. I took her at her word. She's not interested NOW. I get that. In case you didn't read my original post, I was venting about not understanding the psychology behind what changed in a weeks time. That's it.
melell Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 SHE. IS. NOT. INTERESTED. I keep telling you dudes. An interested woman will NOT confuse you An interested woman will make it easy for you to talk to her and meet up with her In this day and age, there is no such thing as a missed text message. If you text once and hell, even called and still no response. NEXT HER. SHE. IS. NOT. INTERESTED. This exactly. If someone is really interested in you there will be no confusion whatsoever, you wouldn't need to post this questions at all.
legion113 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Oh, wow. I totally forgot you were there that night. You should have come over and said hi. I don't know how I got through 31 years of life without your guidance through every personal interaction I ever had. She didn't intone, infer, or draw hieroglyphics illustrating she was interested. She flat out said it multiple times. She asked me to call her. I took her at her word. She's not interested NOW. I get that. In case you didn't read my original post, I was venting about not understanding the psychology behind what changed in a weeks time. That's it. Maybe it's your short fuse and sarcasm? 1
Noproblem Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I think she is playing games Ignore her, she will contact you 1
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