joe_bing Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) okie..so i met this girl on dating website and it has been going well for over a month. We are in our late 20s and i would like it to shape into something serious. we usually see each other about twice a week. She doesnt seem very affectionate physically, even though she isincredibly good kisser. We have visited each other's houses couple of times and were kind of making out but she doesnt want to go too far. I am attraced to her but she has put me down repeatedly saying she wants to wait. One time she told me she doesn't know me well, like she doesnt know my full name etc. which i told her. she knows about my work life etc. I am usually very shy in nature and kind of feel bad when she puts me off. I am afraid that our relationship mayn't go further as this seems like coming close to a saturation point where I won't try again anymore. Being a man, I also don't like her controlling this, and soon I won't be attracted to her, It's important for me to know our physical compatibility. I don't want to push this on her, but I can't continue waiting either. Edited February 27, 2014 by joe_bing
LifeGoesOnMan Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) move on, save yourself the misery and move on. heres a reality check.. she isn't all that sexually attracted to you. if there is any chance that she ever will be... you have to walk away. and bang other girls. girls sleep with dudes on the first date all the time. she is sugar coating it, she doesn't want the d. Edited February 27, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan 1
slizl Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Hmm, late 20s, seen eachother around 8 times (2x a week for a month) and nothing past kissing? I'm thinking this is a dead end. I would say the average is around 3 dates to have sex from late 20s on. Sorry bro.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Rather than using physical affection as a gauge, does she show other signs of being interested in becoming more serious? If she doesn't see this as going further, that could be holding her back from being more physically intimate with you. Some people look for commitment first and maybe that's not in the cards for you two. I would try to assess whether or not she really wants to date you seriously/exclusively. She could be nervous that you're only after sex (which I don't think you are, but some women are really anxious about it) and she might not really understand you want to become serious. Just my two cents.
RedRobin Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 a month isn't long enough to sort out your character or make sure you want what you say you want. I tell women to wait at least two-three months if they are looking for a LTR.
KatZee Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I'm in my late 20's and I'm sorry I don't care how many times I've seen you. If you're not offering any kind of commitment, I'm not having sex with you. End of story. I'm not sure where this "3 dates to have sex" thing came from but that's absolutely absurd. I don't a person from a hole in the wall after 3 dates, and the guys that expect sex after 3 dates are just brain dead. If she's making out with you, she's attracted to you. I can tell you what "not attracted" looks like. I dated a guy I wasn't attracted to, and you can bet your a.ss I wasn't putting my lips on his or my tongue in his mouth. Ew. She said she wants to wait. If you like her, you'll wait. Your dick isn't going to fall off. 3
Author joe_bing Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) I'm in my late 20's and I'm sorry I don't care how many times I've seen you. If you're not offering any kind of commitment, I'm not having sex with you. End of story. I'm not sure where this "3 dates to have sex" thing came from but that's absolutely absurd. I don't a person from a hole in the wall after 3 dates, and the guys that expect sex after 3 dates are just brain dead. If she's making out with you, she's attracted to you. I can tell you what "not attracted" looks like. I dated a guy I wasn't attracted to, and you can bet your a.ss I wasn't putting my lips on his or my tongue in his mouth. Ew. She said she wants to wait. If you like her, you'll wait. Your dick isn't going to fall off. I like that "Your dick isn't going to fall off". Haha. Well she kisses with no inhibitions. And I dont think she is actually not physically attracted. She doesnt acts like a total bitch either. She texts me quite often everyday, makes sure to set up a next date. She even gave me a jar of crackers which she made herself. She appreciates me taking her out and everything. Now a dumb question, how do i make her feel that I am ready to commit. The reason I am hanging out with her is that I like her else I would have called it over. Honestly, I have never been in a situation like this where I have to wait to just find out what is going on. That's why I am confused. One thing is for sure, I need to find cheap date ideas, because even before I am heart-broken or like you mentioned dick-broken (God forbid none of them ever happens, esp. the latter one ) I would be financially-broken. As a gentleman, I take all the bills, she has chipped in rarely. Edited February 27, 2014 by joe_bing
Author joe_bing Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I am really glad I turned to this forum. I don't know much about the "rules of dating" and just go by my gut feeling.
KatZee Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Tell her that you want to date her exclusively and see what she says. She probably needs to feel secure that you're not out dating other people and getting your stick wet elsewhere. I can't tell you how many times I fell for the situation that walks and talks like a duck, but was never actually one (a relationship). And I would be intimate and then the guys would bounce. Now I refuse to have sex with anyone that does not lock it down first. There are tons of free things you can do, just be creative. You don't always have to be dropping massive amounts of cash on her.
Leigh 87 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 a month isn't long enough to sort out your character or make sure you want what you say you want. I tell women to wait at least two-three months if they are looking for a LTR. I agree with this. It is a huge risk if you sleep with a guy before the first few months. I admittedly slept with my boyfriend too early, after a mere 7 days after meeting him.. I am lucky in that he did end up genuinely wanting a relationship. He didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with sleeping with me on the second date because he "" was really into me" and "knew he wanted a relationship" (his words). I explained to him that: " well I didn't know you and I had no hard evidence that you wouldn't just disappear after sex". If I am to be single again I won't be making this same mistake (even though I was one of the rare women that got lucky after early sex). I should have known better and gotten to know him over a few months before spreading my legs. Common sense but ah well you live and learn... If I am single again I wouldn't make the same mistake of sleeping with a guy early on, as they often disappear or change their minds about.
Leigh 87 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I recommend simple, low key things for the next couple of months, so as to not put pressure on any fledging relationship. Walks on the beach, lunch at the park, low cost meals like fish and chips or buying things to cook at home opposed to fancy dinners out. Then when you become more familiar with each other and it seems apparent that you really like each other, have the "talk" with her and explain that you really like her and would like to be exclusive/ consider a relationship with her in the future. This is how I would do things personally if I were single right now, based on my experience in dating thus far but alas, I don't follow my own rules when a guy seems really into me:o When you have good chemistry and you are really into someone and you feel it is mutual, it is easy to get carried away! I really felt my bf was into me and wanted a relationship, so I let things progress rather fast, saying I Love You fast, sleeping with each other fast, and agreeing to a "relationship" early on within a few days of meeting each other for the first time... In retrospect I don't recommend doing this ... I only know one other person besides myself where progressing fast HAS worked; a good friend who met a guy who was smitten with her and she felt the same way about. They also progressed at break neck speed. My friend and I ARE the exception to the rule; from my personal experience, most men/women, no matter HOW crazy about you they seem to be, will often disappear or lose interest after sex. Once you get to know each other you can both be more "confident" about things after sex occurs. You will both trust each other more and have good faith that neither of you will get cold feet after sex. Girls run, too. I know men who have been used for sex. I recommend you take my advice and learn from my own mistakes, rather than make your own mistakes:o The current guy didn't ask to go back to my house on the second date, I asked him. He was waiting for me to make "that" move and he isn't the type to suggest " house" dates until after a month or two, and he also isn't
KatZee Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 8 dates and no sex. LMFAO. Dude, are you trying to get laid or do you want a buddy girlfriend? If you want the latter, then keep up what you're doing. If you want the former, NEXT HER and start banging other girls. Stop wasting your time, holding on in the hopes that she might give you some pathetic pity fvvck. You're a man for crying out loud, there are thousands of other women out there. She is not the first pu$$y and she sure ain't the last. ^^^^ Ladies, this is precisely why dating these days is utter, and total garbage. This is what we have to put up with. I sometimes wonder why I've been single for so long, then I see s.hit like this and I'm reminded why. Thanks! 1
Fly Union Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 ^^^^ Ladies, this is precisely why dating these days is utter, and total garbage. This is what we have to put up with. I sometimes wonder why I've been single for so long, then I see s.hit like this and I'm reminded why. Thanks! The dude wants something in their relationship. Affection. He's not getting it. The girl is clearly not interested in him so there's no reason for him to stay in a miserable relationship that he's clearly not enjoying. I never told him to do anything he doesn't want to do. I only laid out his options for him plainly. He shows affection towards this woman and she never reciprocates. She doesn't want sex with him either after eight dates. That's fine. That's great if she wants to hold out till marriage or God knows when. It's clearly not what he wants though so no need for him to hang around, holding out in the hopes that she gives him some pathetic, pity fvvck. Back to OP, you know what you want. Make your choices in line with it or be miserable. 1
KatZee Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 How is she not giving him affection? She goes out of her way to do nice things for him, she's is as of right now, only comfortable making out with him. They are NOT in a relationship. I think this woman is extremely smart. She knows what she is and is not comfortable with and she's not going to allow some guy to act like a horny teenager and pressure her into something she's not ready for. Many dating coaches tell women to hold out for THREE MONTHS. This is why so many women get fooled into things that aren't real. They have sex early because they feel that is what will keep the guy around, or the guy future fakes in order to get her into bed. No player is going to hang around for 3 months for sex, and it's a very effective way to weed out all the a.sshats. This woman wants a real man. She wants something meaningful and real and sorry, but women control the pacing of sex, not you guys. By all means OP. Leave her. Leave a good, caring woman, for some easy slut you find in the bar who is ready and wiling to get your dick wet on dates 1, 2 or 3. But I almost guarantee this isn't a woman isn't going to be the classy one that you have now. 1
TXGuy Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 No player is going to hang around for 3 months for sex, and it's a very effective way to weed out all the a.sshats. No quality man (older than HS age) with any other options is going to wait three months either. You will weed ot all but desperate omegas.
Noproblem Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Why are you in a big hurry? This girl could be the one, and your blowing it with this rush...... Be patient and get to know her better.
KatZee Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) No quality man (older than HS age) with any other options is going to wait three months either. You will weed ot all but desperate omegas. A guy who genuinely likes and cares for a woman is GOING to wait. And that what we as women want. A guy who cares for us, cherishes us, and RESPECTS us enough to wait for when WE are ready. A guy who is pressuring me for sex before I'm ready is not a "quality man." Sorry. I love the double standard here. I love that all you guys are saying how you wouldn't wait around. And that it should be three dates to get a woman into bed. I'm sorry, but what exactly are YOU as men offering US? A hard penis? We're "supposed" to give you upstanding gentleman the most intimate parts of ourselves... for what? The IDEA or THOUGHT of commitment? We aren't cars to test drive. We are human beings. With feelings, emotions, wants, desires. We're not things you casually date and expect the ultimate thing from. If your woman is not having sex with you, then most like YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG. You are either: 1. Not making her feel loved and/or cherished 2. You are not making her feel respected 3. You are not making her feel emotionally connected to you on some level 4. You are not giving her what she wants, which for most, is a commitment You guys think you can basically drag your feet on commitment and make us wonder if the relationship will ever move forward, future fake, etc etc and then you expect US to put out for you??? Get outta here. Edited February 28, 2014 by KatZee
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