Montp Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I registered to this forum because I feel that I'm not going anywhere with my life right now. The well of myself has been sucked empty and as we know carried water does not stay in a well. Therefore I would appreciate an outsiders opinion and advice. I will try my best and explain what has happened in my life. Hopefully I can keep it short enough. Believe me: I could talk about this days contineously. I am 27 year old male and I got dumbed by my girlfriend of almost 5 years. We lived together for 4 years and in my opinion that was the happiest and most fullfilling time of my life so far. Part of my emotional destruction is related to the fact that things I believed were not real. That is the most unbelievably painful thing to cope with. I thought it was mutual. Love. We moved in together really quickly after we met each other via common friends. Things moved really fast but it was okay because it was so intense and felt so good for both of us. My ex has been rather "moving" person as she has lived in two different countries (high school exchange programs). Afterwards I realized that I was the reason she settled down. Actually she moved back to our country after she met me because she wanted to live with me. Back then she had studied one year in university in a foreign country but felt that it wasn't for her. So we started living together and well...I don't want to repeat myself but it was just perfect. I was actually so naive that I wanted her to become my wife and companion for a lifetime. I really did! Everything in her behavior told me that she was feeling the same. But how stupid I was. Because of our studies we both needed to do an exchange program abroad. It was going to be for 10 months in a different countires. A long time to be separated but we thought it was manageable. We had a long distance between ourselves but we agreed to see for a holiday in the country I was in. After 4 months we met and spent 5 days together. But when I came to see her I was of course totally happy but things were not that simple for me. I felt that I just can't take it that I have to leaver her again and this time for 6 more months. For me that time was super hard because I had developed depression in the country I was in. Many of my insecurities and personal problems came on surface as I was constantly feeling that I wont achieve my goal of learning this new language sufficiently enough (and by that I wont have any future in terms of my career and job opportunities). I mean I really was depressed. This had already affected our mutual communication in FB and Skype and if I'm honest things started to go wrong back then. Back in the country she was in she was blossoming. She had already in high school been in that country and knew the language. She had huge amount of new cool friends and lots of activities going on. One of those people was one latino guy she was telling me about. I sensed a smell of smoke already back then but felt that she wouldn't let me down after all our time together. When we were seeing again after 4 months I told her that it's okay if you will have like a one night stand there but please do not let it be that guy. Before going abroad we had discussed about this sexuality thing and sort of reached a conclusion that accidents will happen but it's okay if it is only for sex and so on. After we said farewell again for the second time (after seeing each other for the first time after 4 months) she started developing romance with this new guy. Only 4 weeks before that she had been convincing me by saying that "our love will pull us through the last 6 months". She became distant. She removed her "in a relationship" status from her FB but kept telling me that "I don't know how it was removed..it was some sort of technical malfunction probably". I had one super drunken affair on christmas holidays but it was noting and I told her about it on Skype and she convinced me it was okay. Then one month later she told me that she had slept with this new guy. This was in January 2013. Then she also told me that she was about to move out from that country she was in (in Europe) and move with this new guy to Brazil as it was his home country. This new guy arranged her an internship that was related to what she was studying. So she kind of got a free ticket to everything by starting to date this new man. They flew to Brazil and at this point she never told me that she is in a relationship with him. She uploaded constantly cool pictures about dream destinations in this beautiful country (places like no normal tourist gets to see), cool parties with rich people..and pictures of her being more than close with her NEW MAN. After 5 years of relationship SHE DIDN'T EVEN *UCKING TELL ME THAT SHE IS WITH THIS MAN. Of course it was obvious. BUT SHE WAS TORTURING ME WITH ALL THOSE PHOTOS. I could take this for like 6 weeks. After that I collapsed and got angry. I removed her from my FB and told her to *uck off. She reacted by panicking and sending me emails about this is not the way she wanted it to go. She even called me 14 000 kilometers away to tell me that she loves me and sent quite a few SMS as well. By her request I added her again to my FB just to be emotionally maimed and destroyed beyond recognition. Then I started NC and this was in April 2013. Please continue reading because this gets even better... We came back to our country in June 2013. I needed to get my own stuff and to move to my own rented appartment. It was devastating to go the the garage in which we had kept our shared property. I didn't want to see her so her dad helped me to get my stuff away. I cried the whole time and met an councellor to keep myself together. But as if this was bad enough it was going to get worse. She moved in WITH THIS NEW MAN...ONLY 100 METERS AWAY FROM MY APPARTMENT. I called her mom to beg her to tell her daughter to see me so we could have a chat and some sort of closure for all of this. She understood me and agreed with me. So in July I met with my ex who came to our "meeting" seemingly disturbed. Back then I was able to some how keep myself together and I tried to ask her to tell the reasons why she had acted the way she had and why she lost her love towards me? She couldn't give ANY answer. I tried everything out outsmart her and make her confess but she didn't. It was totally weird. Somehow after we had talked seriously we started talking about more mundane things. Quickly we started laughing to our jokes and stories and there was mutual attraction involved. We talked for 3 hours before she had to go. Later that week she sent me a message telling how she wanted to see me again. I agreed. So we saw each other again and on that occasion she started crying like never before telling me that she had destroyed her life. I was saying her it was okay and offering my shoulder. We hugged and I caressed her. When se felt better again she went back home. One week later I found her in my appartment enjoying a dinner with me. We drank some wine and had good time. Of course we ended up having incredible sex. I asked her where her new man was. She told me that she had sent her to her parents place which is in another city. He actually called her immediately we had had sex and she was lying to him with poker face saying that she was home. She wasn't. She was having sex with me and drinking wine. After that she started having a little bit of guilt but I encouraged her that it was just okay. He didn't need to know. The next day we saw again and ended up kissing passionately in a nearby café. After that she started pulling distance again and faided away. She told me that she had made the decision to live with this new man. So this is my story. I was basically dumbed twice and they live 100 meters away from me. I have to see them happily together, hand in hand, maybe 3 times a month and that kills me. I have truthfully lost my love of life. I still love her.
mjkid31 Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 A few suggestions. 1. Try to focus on any negative things about her. 2. Spend more time with friends and doing hobbies. 3. Listen to music that is similar to your situation, even though this doesn't solve much it's been proven to help a bit. 4. You'll meet someone who wants to live with you one day, someone who really loves you. Trust me. Keep the faith. 5. If all else fails, go to her, tell her how you feel. Even if she rejects you it'll give you a sense of closure. 6. Or do the mature thing and burn the guy's car with thermite. No, I kid. I hope this helps and good luck my friend.
Recommended Posts