Rizzlekicks Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) Hi everyone, I am dating a guy who is a perfect 10 in looks and personality. He's wonderful to me, and I know this is the guy I want to be with forever. He is exactly like me and we have the same morals and same outlook in life. He treats me with utter respect and love. He thinks I'm the most beautiful girl he's dated. He also calls me an 11/10 lol. We're both beautiful, attractive people inside and out. I'm amazed I have caught a guy like this. I didn't even know I was capable. I am falling in love with him slowly and deeply. Now there's my ex. He's very shallow and has totally different standards on beauty. When I first him, I thought he was attracted to me a lot. He would always get a boner even if i just touched his shoulder. That was 3 years ago. Now he says he's not that attracted to me and calls me a 6/10. To be honest, I think he only finds white girls attractive. I'm not white and I couldn't give a damn to be white, sorry if that offends anyone. I love who I am and I love my roots and the history that surrounds it. I am middle eastern, close to the Mediterranean side according to my father's ancestors too. The guy I am dating now is from Morocco. So we have similar upbringings and we are both from conservative families, so I feel connected to him in that sense. I'm very offended (I don't know if he's serious or not) and I feel like it's such a burden to be with someone like my Ex. He also used to treat me bad, was very violent and not stable, also very dishonest. So I guess he's not that attractive to me anymore either. But he says he loves me and wants to be with me. I don't. I don't want to be with someone like him. He wants me to marry me him. I don't want to marry him either. Trust me, I really thought I was going to marry this guy but now i realized I deserve better. Life with him would be horrible. Why should I be with him when there's a guy who finds me extremely attractive me? Who values me and respects me? The latter is vital to me. I need to know I am respected. Ever since I found other guys who treated me better than him, I think, "Wow. This feels normal for once. This is something I DESERVE." After I left my ex, I went out and started getting such hot, attractive guys. I didn't even know i was capable. I thought I wasn't attractive enough for REAL. My ex blames me for his problems or why he isn't attracted to me (calling me weird or fat). I am really skinny, how f*king skinny can i get? I think I am quite the catch and get creepy looks in public. It's not that i hate my ex. I feel sorry for him and the reason why he is the way he is today is because of his traumatic past. I care about him, I just don't love him. I don't see a future with him. I don't hate him for what he did to me because it wasn't really his fault. Some people just grow up at different rates and you can't hate someone for that. It's controlled by nature. I forgive him but i could never be with this guy. It would take years of therapy if he chooses to heal himself that way (which i think he won't, as he sees nothing wrong with himself). He isn't exactly conscious of it because his inner demons stems from his horrible past. I am a very understanding and patient girl. I dealt with his violent outages for 3 years (can you believe that). But he never gets help and never says sorry. Why would I be with a guy who doesn't say sorry or recognize his wrong doings, let alone shy away from help? I really wish him the best. Since he probably doesn't like therapeutic solutions for his health, I pray for him to time to time. I even send letters to the leader of my Church asking to pray heavily and intensely for a guy named "___ ___". I can't be friends with him since it would lead him on and I am NOT like that. Also, my father is going to Saudia Arabia on Monday to the religious Pilgrimage in Mecca to pray. I gave him my letter. He didn't ask questions after he read it but i told him it was a guy friend that I had. It had his real name in it and a just a bit about why I wanted to pray for him. My father smiled and said "alright". I told him to pray for this guy. And that will be the end of us. He asked me who was he exactly? I told him a guy i would've married. The letter didn't include ALL details, of course (such as his lying, aggression etc. I feel that is a private matter). But rather, simply asking to heal any broken pieces of his psyche and soul, and to heal his mind and give him the best in his life for the future. I also asked to diminish his depression that he had for many years. I told my father we don't talk anymore because he moved away. My father says, "Ah ok" and understood exactly what I meant. I also feel guilty for being so harsh and brash with my ex. I am never like this with anyone. This is the first time i am like this. I feel like if i am not HARSH or TOUGH on him, he will never believe me. It's something i have to do. So why would i guy say he loves me when he's not even attracted to me? I just don't want to be with him. Perhaps he doesn't find me attractive because of his guilt. That's the thing. He is also emotionally immature and will NEVER GET OVER HIS GUILT. He doesn't make me happy. I told him again and again. I'm 95% sure he is not long-term material either. HE HAS VERY HIGH EXPECTATIONS THAT REVOLVE AROUND HIS EGO. For example, he expects that he should be violent, angry and dishonest and yet STILL BE LOVED! Only another damaged person would accept this. Whenever I tell him I don't want to be with him, he doesn't take me seriously and thinks I am bluffing, when the reality is, I couldn't not be with him ever. Things change and people grow up, they become mature and realize what is RIGHT. I feel bad for my ex and I'll always pray and wish the best for him. But people have certain needs. I want to be with the other guy not because he is new, but because he's honest, loyal and trustworthy. He's also the WHOLE package! Edited February 27, 2014 by Rizzlekicks
Leigh 87 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I am not an attractive woman yet my boyfriend honestly thought I was gorgeous from the first date. No one would ever look at me twice in public I'm sure, I'm totally average looking. Even so, I have finally managed to find a man who thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world to him. You can find a man who won't call you fat and who will call you beautiful. I'm sorry to hear about the awful guy who was abusive and called you fat. ..how horrible.
BradJacobs Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 You seem to be hung up on your ex. Is proving to him that you're better than a 6/10 worth the effort you're putting in? 5
Author Rizzlekicks Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I'm not hung up on him at all. While we were dating , I used to do all i could to be attractive. Not anymore. I'm happy with the new guy. The ex was, I'm sorry to say, horrible at treating me right. I don't expect a lot. All i want is trust, loyalty and respect. These 3 things can lead to love. Now I couldn't care less what he thinks of me. All i want is for him to be gone. There are no chances and this is the end. He still denies the fact i am hoping for him to come back or i'll take him back. i just have no desire to date him again, even if we never had a real relationship.(most of it was long distance and i don't believe in LDR's). Mainly because i don't like him anymore. I still care that's all. Mind you, he has access to all my accounts and laptops, as well as phones. It's truly an exhausting experience right now.
Author Rizzlekicks Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I am not an attractive woman yet my boyfriend honestly thought I was gorgeous from the first date. No one would ever look at me twice in public I'm sure, I'm totally average looking. Even so, I have finally managed to find a man who thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world to him. You can find a man who won't call you fat and who will call you beautiful. I'm sorry to hear about the awful guy who was abusive and called you fat. ..how horrible. Thank you. It feels soothing to hear this from you. I'm glad your BF finds you attractive. I'm glad you're happy too because he makes you feel special It's alright, I'm recovering. ^_^ Takes time. I already found a guy. He's amazing to me.
Leigh 87 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Thank you. It feels soothing to hear this from you. I'm glad your BF finds you attractive. I'm glad you're happy too because he makes you feel special It's alright, I'm recovering. ^_^ Takes time. I already found a guy. He's amazing to me. This does happen. Average women like me can find the "right guys" who genuinely thin we are gorgeous looking. I once thought it only happened to "beautiful" women like my friend, who met a guy who was so crazy for her. Then it happened to me and I have never been happier. I had an ex who thought he was too good for me and he was nothing special to look at. His friends also teased him for going out with me because they thought I "wasn't good enough". Some people have ridiculously high standards when it comes to beauty.. I have very nice teeth, full lips and nice eyes and skin. I have a nice shaped body. I am not unpleasant looking and yet some of my exes friends made fun of the way I looked and, in turn, my ex came to think that I just wasn't good enough for him:sick: Some people are just disgusting and you should avoid them and look out for the men who appreciate you. Glad you found a guy who is nice to you:) I am still shaken about my ex and his and his friends bad treatment of me.. I am still stunned that they found me not good enough and bad looking, when I am a very NON offensive looking woman. Some people are awful, steer clear of them and try not to let them dictate your self worth. See a therapist or counsellor if other peoples mean words seem to bring you down.
newmoon Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 this post is all about your ex. you're obviously not in love w/the current guy if you're still obsessing over what the other one thought of you. and ranking people is very subjective; you could be a 10 to your bf and a 6 to another guy - it's all in the eye of the beholder, for men and women. we're all 10's, we just need to come upon the people who share that opinion with us 2
Leigh 87 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 this post is all about your ex. you're obviously not in love w/the current guy if you're still obsessing over what the other one thought of you. and ranking people is very subjective; you could be a 10 to your bf and a 6 to another guy - it's all in the eye of the beholder, for men and women. we're all 10's, we just need to come upon the people who share that opinion with us I am still shaken about my exes awful friends. I am far over far ex and I am totally in love with my current guy. It was very hurtful to hear such disgusting people talk badly about the way I looked, when I am not an unpleasant looking person by any stretch. So yeah, it is normal to still be a little hurt and perplexed by the behaviour of people who are simple horrible. It took me a while after my ex for me to realise that there is nothing wrong with the way I look and almost on person would find me "offensive" looking, and some people are just bad people with unrealistic standards of beauty.
somedude81 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Stop writing and thinking about your exes, both of you ladies. It's not helping. Focus on the one who loves you now.
Author Rizzlekicks Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I am still shaken about my exes awful friends. I am far over far ex and I am totally in love with my current guy. It was very hurtful to hear such disgusting people talk badly about the way I looked, when I am not an unpleasant looking person by any stretch. So yeah, it is normal to still be a little hurt and perplexed by the behaviour of people who are simple horrible. It took me a while after my ex for me to realise that there is nothing wrong with the way I look and almost on person would find me "offensive" looking, and some people are just bad people with unrealistic standards of beauty. Ignore them ^_^ People who are deeply insecure find insecurities in themselves and then project them onto others. So their standards of beauty can become unrealistic. From your picture, you are very pretty and your BF appreciates you ^_^
Author Rizzlekicks Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 this post is all about your ex. you're obviously not in love w/the current guy if you're still obsessing over what the other one thought of you. and ranking people is very subjective; you could be a 10 to your bf and a 6 to another guy - it's all in the eye of the beholder, for men and women. we're all 10's, we just need to come upon the people who share that opinion with us Well to be honest, I always thought about this in the relationship. I am not thinking of it now. The new guy makes me forget about him. I was only curious and wondered why he saw me that way. I seriously thought something was wrong with me. I looked in the mirror and got a new hair cut the next day. I started running every day for 30 minutes thinking I was really fat. I work out but i don't need to work out everyday. So i started doing it every day! (i'm 110 lbs and 5 feet 4"). I suddenly felt bad about myself. I didn't cry or anything , i felt worried. I even bought mascara even though long eyelashes run in the family (middle eastern thing to have eye lashes so long it tickles the top of your eyes ahahaha). Heck, I even asked one of my aunt's, who is a dentist, to whiten my teeth until they blind people's eyes! Lol
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 we're all 10's, we just need to come upon the people who share that opinion with us With their consent, of course, and ideally after several dates at least
Author Rizzlekicks Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 this post is all about your ex. you're obviously not in love w/the current guy if you're still obsessing over what the other one thought of you. and ranking people is very subjective; you could be a 10 to your bf and a 6 to another guy - it's all in the eye of the beholder, for men and women. we're all 10's, we just need to come upon the people who share that opinion with us Well to be honest, I always thought about this in the relationship. I am not thinking of it now. The new guy makes me forget about him. I was only curious and wondered why he saw me that way. I seriously thought something was wrong with me. I looked in the mirror and got a new hair cut the next day. I started running every day for 30 minutes thinking I was really fat. I work out but i don't need to work out everyday. So i started doing it every day! (i'm 110 lbs and 5 feet 4"). I suddenly felt bad about myself. I didn't cry or anything , i felt worried. I even bought mascara even though long eyelashes run in the family (middle eastern thing to have eye lashes so long it tickles the top of your eyes ahahaha). Heck, I even asked one of my aunt's, who is a dentist, to whiten my teeth until they blind people's eyes! Lol My self-esteem went down the drain. I was extremely stressed out last year. I ignored every hot guy on the bus wondering why would they even bother to look at me. I'm not attractive. I'm so unattractive that the guy I loved was never into me and basically treats me bad, yells at me and is cold to me, has no regard for my feelings, doesn't respect me, tricks me, deceives me (he brought me all the way to a sketchy hotel once to have sex when he told me we were gonna have some quality time together and watch a movie), manipulates me (if I wanted to kiss or cuddle him, he told me only if i wanted to have sex or it was going to be staring at a t.v only) and so on. Then if we didn't have sex, I wasn't allowed to get close to him. I like to feel close to my partner after sexual activity, even if it's a simple cuddling or hugging. He didn't want that and basically kept his hands away from me. He could've just left the room if that's what he wanted. Instead he just kept his hands away from me, took a cigarette out and started smoking in my face. I really don't like smoking and it's bad for you. Especially for me, second-hand smoke is just as dangerous as smoking a cigarette directly. My father never smoked in the house and i have NEVER seen him smoke for these 21 years I'm living... he goes outside. I really thought that there was something wrong with me. That it couldn't have been him because I was understanding of his past. I started blaming myself hardcore.
Author Rizzlekicks Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) We are all 10's peeps! I actually hate numbers but it was another way to describe beauty. A better way to say it, he was a Greek God lol, the epitome of beauty. Maybe it had something to do with how I was a virgin and I never had a boyfriend before. Perhaps it was because he knew I didn't have experience so he could treat me the way he wanted and I wouldn't know what was good. I really was innocent and trust me, I hated it. People take advantage of it too much. I knew it was wrong but i kept hoping he would come to his senses soon enough. He also mocks me by the way. Ugh, this is most horrible thing that's happened in my life. I cannot stand this. I cannot believe someone like him exists. Edited February 28, 2014 by Rizzlekicks
newmoon Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Well to be honest, I always thought about this in the relationship. I am not thinking of it now. The new guy makes me forget about him. I was only curious and wondered why he saw me that way. I seriously thought something was wrong with me. I looked in the mirror and got a new hair cut the next day. I started running every day for 30 minutes thinking I was really fat. I work out but i don't need to work out everyday. So i started doing it every day! (i'm 110 lbs and 5 feet 4"). I suddenly felt bad about myself. I didn't cry or anything , i felt worried. I even bought mascara even though long eyelashes run in the family (middle eastern thing to have eye lashes so long it tickles the top of your eyes ahahaha). Heck, I even asked one of my aunt's, who is a dentist, to whiten my teeth until they blind people's eyes! Lol My self-esteem went down the drain. I was extremely stressed out last year. I ignored every hot guy on the bus wondering why would they even bother to look at me. I'm not attractive. I'm so unattractive that the guy I loved was never into me and basically treats me bad, yells at me and is cold to me, has no regard for my feelings, doesn't respect me, tricks me, deceives me (he brought me all the way to a sketchy hotel once to have sex when he told me we were gonna have some quality time together and watch a movie), manipulates me (if I wanted to kiss or cuddle him, he told me only if i wanted to have sex or it was going to be staring at a t.v only) and so on. Then if we didn't have sex, I wasn't allowed to get close to him. I like to feel close to my partner after sexual activity, even if it's a simple cuddling or hugging. He didn't want that and basically kept his hands away from me. He could've just left the room if that's what he wanted. Instead he just kept his hands away from me, took a cigarette out and started smoking in my face. I really don't like smoking and it's bad for you. Especially for me, second-hand smoke is just as dangerous as smoking a cigarette directly. My father never smoked in the house and i have NEVER seen him smoke for these 21 years I'm living... he goes outside. I really thought that there was something wrong with me. That it couldn't have been him because I was understanding of his past. I started blaming myself hardcore. well, be glad you're rid of him. if someone doesn't see your beauty, especially a bf, the problem is with them and not you. perhaps he suffered from his own self-esteem issues and keeping you down was a way to build himself up. sadly, lots of people do that to their partners. it's a form of emotional abuse and makes you doubt yourself, sure.
FitChick Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Mind you, he has access to all my accounts and laptops, as well as phones. It's truly an exhausting experience right now. I can't believe no one has commented on this. Change all your passwords! Edited February 28, 2014 by FitChick
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