neverhavever Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Ok so I am studying abroad and I met this amazing girl who's also an exchange student at my university like 4 months ago, the girl has the most interesting personality, she's pretty talkative, funny and not to mention thats she's absolutely pretty. Anyway since like last month we kind of started talking more and things got a little bit more interesting (playing games, texting, going out clubbing and so on), though nothing happened as of kissing, or dating whatsoever as we used to go as groups and I am the kind of person who doesn't let my emotions out in public. But anyway the other night we went out alone and kind of opened up to her as I was tired of playing games with every girl I meet and end up just hooking up without feeling anything cuz I felt this would be different (emotionally), and what confirmed it is I go out with other girls and all I could think about is that particular girl who I like, so anyway I gave her a smooth talk and told her that I like her and so on, and she said the same and that she's attracted to me and all that, which made me so happy. However since the girl is quite intelligent and she doesn't feel like playing around, she told me that we have only 4 months and she doesn't want to end what we have when she leaves and she hates long distance. I honestly paused there and told her that I don't like thinking about that and I like to see how things go and then we decide when the time comes, so she's like I will think and see and there was too much eye contact and i could see the spark just getting more and more as we have opened up which was very nice. The day after we talk and its normal and I don't open up the subject as I don't wanna push her and give her more time. But she left this morning to travel for a week and yesterday I went to see her and wanted to at least give her a kiss. We sit and talk and talk as always with her amazing talkative self I just enjoy her conversations, and didn't really try to make a move until the end when I said bye and all that I went for a small kiss on the cheek and wanted to slide to her lips but she gave me the other cheek and kind of smiled but didn't know why she did that. So girls CAN YOU PLEASE tell me what you think of this whole thing and how should I react as I am not that good when it comes to relationships that much and I would say I am getting attached to her! Thank you!
Chalkdust89 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 How long distance would you guys be when you got home? Having been in LDRs myself, I think she's smart to be thinking this way. It's hard to get attached to someone when you know they will be leaving soon, and long distance takes a lot of work. She probably moved to the other cheek because letting you kiss her on the mouth would be sending the wrong message. I think you should drop it for now. It would be great if she changed her mind (maybe this week will give her some time to think) but if you keep persisting it might ruin the little time you have left together.
milwinlol Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Just sounds like she's really shy.....make her feel as comfortable as possible
HappyLove Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 She's not that into you. Especially if she's giving you not one but two cheeks when you tried to kiss her. I think if she liked you that way she would have at least kissed you. I'd back off. You already put it out there, if she wants you let her come and get it. She'll probably want you more after she sees your not hitting on her anymore.
Author neverhavever Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 How long distance would you guys be when you got home? Having been in LDRs myself, I think she's smart to be thinking this way. It's hard to get attached to someone when you know they will be leaving soon, and long distance takes a lot of work. She probably moved to the other cheek because letting you kiss her on the mouth would be sending the wrong message. I think you should drop it for now. It would be great if she changed her mind (maybe this week will give her some time to think) but if you keep persisting it might ruin the little time you have left together. Thanks for the reply. We would be like Europe-America LDR, and basically I am just thinking bout her all the time. You make sense and all, but after shes back from her week-travel, shouldn't I be able to at least suggest some sort of solutions for us to be together again like next year (talking about me moving to her hometown)? And of course I dont mean it of being too pushy but just to see where this is going as I am just attached. Let me know Thanks a lot.
Chalkdust89 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) So she is European? So you will be an ocean and a few time zones away? It's not impossible, but it will be much more difficult to manage than if she was an American student from another university and you lived just a few cities away. You need to think this through a little more. Is this truly the girl that you, at college age, know you want to spend the rest of your life with? What are you going to do if you move to her hometown in Europe? Where are you going to live? Do you know for a fact that you can get a working visa? I've looked at moving abroad myself, and in most countries there are a lot of hoops to jump through for Americans to get work clearance. Are you planning on spending the rest of your life in Europe, or would you expect her to move back to the USA with you at some point? What if the relationship didn't work out, and now you are stuck in some European city by yourself? I had a guy switch schools and give up a great scholarship to be closer to me after we had been dating for almost two years (we'd done one year long distance), and it actually made me feel really pressured. There was no reason for him to move to my city besides being closer to me, and he was miserable in the new area. He wanted to spend ALL of our time together because he didn't know anyone else or anything in the area, and I felt very smothered. I was also disappointed that he have up great opportunities at his other school to come to a city and school that he hated. When we broke up, he was stuck at the same school as me and luckily made the most of it, but we both agreed that it was a foolish idea to totally pick up his life and move just to be with me in that situation. It works for some people I guess, but you really need to proceed with caution. You should wait until she brings it up again. Don't pressure her into making a decision about her feelings. Long distance relationships take a lot of work, trust, and mutual understanding on both parties' ends. If she's not on the same page as you right now and feels like you're pushing her into making a decision, she'll be more likely to either say no or lose interest in the relationship once you go back home. Edited February 28, 2014 by Chalkdust89 1
VeronicaRoss Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 She sounds very wise for her age. Or she's not that into you. No way to know from here! The thing is this is a special time in your life, you'll always remember fondly about your time in Europe. Everything was a little different, heightened. You're both living in a fantasy world right now. It's easy to fall in love without a lot real clues about whether you're actually right for each other. Long term relationships are all about how well you partner up in your day-to-day, something you wouldn't know for years. Most people want to stay close to home their whole lives too. These are precious years to find the right person, don't cause yourself unnecessary hardship and burden. Enjoy it for what it is and leave it there when you're done. Are you prone to fantasy relationships where you secretly love/lust for months or years? If you are this could be more of that. A tendency to stay in fantasy can keep you from real workable relationships, be an escape from real intimacy. 1
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