poeticmusiq Posted January 22, 2005 Posted January 22, 2005 My Boyfriend and I have been together for 1 1/2 years and just recently he said he is not ready to be in our relationship. That he didn't have enough time to be free after he left his wife. But he is the one that has been looking to buy a house with me and planning our future together. I just don't understand why he waited so long to say something to me about it. He said that he doesn't have enough space and freedom. I am trying to give him the freedom that he is asking for without losing him in the process. I love him too much. and I know that he also loves me. What should I do?
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 22, 2005 Posted January 22, 2005 Originally posted by poeticmusiq just recently he said he is not ready to be in our relationship No matter what else he is saying or doing, don't forget that he is making this clear. It could be that he is finding himself repeating old patterns and realizing that he is heading down a path that when he really thinks about it - he doesn't really want to go there again. It could be a matter of liking the person, but not liking where the relationship is going with that person. The only thing you can do is to let him know how this makes you feel and then back off. If you try to push for the relationship that you want from him, he is likely to back away further. He will need some interrupted time to think about what it is that he wants from this relationship. If it is right for you, initiate a 'no contact'. If you want to stick around while he is pulling away from you, then do so - but understand that this is not likely to influence his decision. There's no telling why this came up like it did - but the motives are unimportant since it seems he has already decided that what he needs from you is space and freedom. Just let him know how you feel, and from there the ball is in his court.
upsetnhurt Posted January 22, 2005 Posted January 22, 2005 PoeticMusiq, I know this is so difficult for you as I am going through the same thing with my girlfriend. We had dated for a year and a few months and then she came and gave me the same speech two months ago. I had a bit more of an inkling as her ex bf of four years would not leave us alone going as far as stalking the both of us and I could see by the way she handled the situation that she had some unresolved feelings inside herself that needed to be dealt with. I will say that you must as the previous poster mentioned tell your bf how feel about the situation and most importantly him. Do it once and do not bring it up again. You mention that you don't want to lose him.....I will say that at this moment if he chooses to need space and freedom that you need to become of the mindset that you both have broken up and attempt to live life on your own two feet. This is going to be difficult yet realize that it is better to know where you are today then years from now when lots more is at stake. In terms of staying in contact during this time, I recommend against it. From my experience so far the few emails I have exchanged have only left me crying at the end of the day as they have no feeling in them whatsoever from her side. Either way you should not bring up the breakup again after you initially do and prove to yourself and him that you can move on and that he is losing the best thing in his life. For some reason my gf and your bf don't see that now and we deserve them too. Good luck and write again as I think I can share lots as once again I have a two month head start here.
sportynut38 Posted January 22, 2005 Posted January 22, 2005 Almost anyone who has been in this situation will tell you the same thing, it hurts like hell when you love them and they say they need "time and space" but the very best thing you can do for yourself (and for him) is to give it. It sucks, I know. It's been a month now since I heard the same words. I also know that although I was destroyed and hurt ... there is nothing you can do or say that will change any of it. The no contact is the best thing for both of you. Let him deal with his head and heart on his own, and live your life. Who knows, maybe by the time he wakes up you will have decided that you no longer want or need him. Or perhaps your relationship will be even stronger ... only time can tell. Be good to yourself, take time for yourself and do the things you enjoy doing. Live life because you only get one go around Best wishes for you, I hope it all works out for the best~
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